


Seven Stages to Clarity

by pfeifferpack



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 02:36:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 52,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6176827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pfeifferpack/pseuds/pfeifferpack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When facing eternity, a good mother will try to put all her affairs in order. That means getting real, seeing clearly and putting your own heart’s desires on hold, your dreams in perspective, letting your brain control your advice. Now if only those you love will just cooperate! Joyce looks to her daughter’s future as her own mortality becomes an issue and comes to some startling conclusions. Can Joyce convince Buffy to forget all that she has been telling her, all that everyone has been telling her, thereby easing Joyce’s own worries before facing the hospital and possible death?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> S5 and begins to go AU at the end of “Fool For Love” (written by Douglas Petrie). I am using bits of dialogue from that episode in the beginning of the story before it goes a very different direction.
> 
> A/N: Elizabeth Kübler-Ross identified a grief cycle (her initial number of stages was five) that occurs when people deal with death or grieving. The current feeling is that there are more like seven stages, hence my title. Those stages encompass: Shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression and loneliness (or a period of reflection realizing the full impact of the loss), an upward turn of adjustment, reconstruction of life with the change, and finally acceptance and hope.
> 
> Written for LJ's Seasonal Spuffy several years ago. That season’s theme was “head vs. heart”. Oft times what appears logical and right to any sane person--your heart’s desire, as it were--is not the correct choice after all, not when facing your own exit.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Chapter 1  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Joyce felt the world slip gears and move into slow motion, the doctor’s voice deep and distorted as with one of those machines that disguise voices and make a person sound eerie and wrong. 

She was young! She was vital! She had a life and plans and two daughters to see grow into full womanhood! This could NOT be real. It was a mistake, a bad joke. 

The doctor was giving her a “worst-case-scenario” and worst just didn’t cover it.  
“You do understand that long-term survival is possible, even if only in a minority of patients. With aggressive treatment and close monitoring, it IS possible to outlive the typical life expectancies for this type of tumor,” the doctor droned on. 

The man just didn’t understand. Joyce had a future and it was a long one. This was one tragic mistake and that CAT scan was going to prove it. Maybe she’d even feel like laughing when they admitted that the diagnosis was completely wrong; or maybe she’d just hit the smug bastard currently taking her life away with his every word.

The serious look on his patient’s face was mistaken for concentration by the physician so he continued describing the likely progression if the tumor remained untreated. “With oligodendroglioma, you will likely progress from those headaches that brought you here to seizures in the frontal lobe. This will begin to affect your personality and might prove quite confusing for you and your family. You said you have two teenage daughters, correct?” The doctor put on his best patient-friendly smile and feigned interest in the entire person he was treating, rather than the tumor he was just itching to expose.

“What?” Joyce was startled back into the conversation, aware that some question had been asked but unable to fathom just what it had been.

“I was asking about your daughters,” Dr. Isaacs prompted. “You did say you have two of them?”

“Yes, Buffy is in college and Dawn in junior high school. They both need me, so this just can’t be allowed to happen. Their father isn’t a part of their lives and they depend on me alone. You did say that if the scan does show this tumor that I still have a good chance, right?”

“Not precisely, no, but the sooner we address the tumor, the better your chances are. Some patients have had close to a dozen years of quality life because it was caught in time. With surgery and good follow-up treatment…a course of anticonvulsants…some steroids to minimize brain swelling…and chemo, of course. We’ve had a lot of success with Temozolomide and it has relatively mild side effects.” He smiled and patted Joyce’s hand in sympathy. “There really is reason for hope, no matter what the outcome of that CAT scan, but the sooner we act, the better your chances.”

Okay, it was all a big deal about nothing. She’d check into the hospital, have the test and find it was all just nothing more than a bad migraine. No tumor here, folks, move along. Her girls weren’t babies, but they still needed their mother. 

Buffy had Riley and Joyce was glad that her dreams of a happy, white-picket fence life and fat grandbabies looked promising at long last. She hadn’t really gotten to know Riley well yet. Buffy had been so involved in her own life since beginning college that she had precious little time to spend with her mother and little sister. ‘That’s only normal,’ Joyce reminded herself with a soft smile. Riley seemed a solid young man though, very dependable, polite, self-confident…and human, not a century older than Buffy.

Dawn was at an awkward stage, neither child nor adult. She was typical in that she needed her mother at this turning point in her life. 

Joyce still felt guilty over the painful mistakes she’d made with Buffy. Not believing her stories about vampires and mystical destiny had led to so much pain for them all. The seemingly logical response of psychiatric care and hospitalization had proven a disaster for the entire family. That was just the beginning of Hank’s looking elsewhere for his comfort and pleasures--a normal life without his child having a breakdown and a wife focusing all of her attention on said daughter. Joyce had felt a personal failure on all fronts.

After the divorce and move to Sunnydale, she had been so busy building a new life for the two of them that Buffy was left to her own devices far too often and Joyce regretted each lost day of that time. 

She still hadn’t listened, not when Buffy tried to warn her of something “off” about Ted, not when Buffy finally demanded that she accept the strange, frightening world that was the true reality going on unacknowledged by every ‘sensible’ person. 

She and Buffy were finally on good footing now, all those bad years and wrong choices being put in the past. Angel had been dealt with and Buffy seemed on the way to being happy again. There were scars, but they had a firm bond between them now. 

Joyce had a chance to do it right with Dawn, to not make the same mistakes. Surely such a blessing as this second chance had to mean that she was to have plenty of time to be the kind of mother she always wanted to be to BOTH her girls. To hold her grandchildren and spoil them and watch Buffy and Dawn become the wonderful women she knew they were destined to become.

“…of course if surgery is necessary, you’ll have the best we have on staff here. Dr. Kriegel came to us from Sloan-Kettering and has done this procedure innumerable times with great success.“ Dr. Isaacs smiled reassuringly, “I’m sure you have the best possible chance for all of this to be dealt with quickly and satisfactorily. You’ll likely even keep that pretty blonde hair.” The doctor patted her on the head like she was some vain child that he was patronizing.

‘Satisfactorily?’ The only possible good outcome would be to have the tests show no growth on her brain at all. 

“I’m sure you’re right, doctor.” Joyce rose and mindlessly reached for her purse. “I’ll be ready to check into the hospital in the morning. I need to pack and let the girls know what’s happening. Buffy will be able to watch over Dawn the short time I’m there.” She began to compile mental lists of all she needed to do in the short hours left to her “normal” life. The important thing was not to panic.

The drive home was the longest Joyce could ever remember. Her mind buzzed with thoughts, plans, fears and still a firm denial that anything was about to change. She supposed it was too late to get additional insurance. Still, there was coverage and she had enough put back to see them through. The gallery was doing quite well and the inventory would sell easily if worse did come to worse.

The last thing she wanted to do was overly alarm Buffy. Her daughter’s …calling…was dangerous enough without adding distractions. Earlier Buffy had tried to pull one over on her, disguising the fact that she was obviously treating an injury. The past year had led to an unspoken truce where Buffy’s slaying was concerned. Joyce had to adjust to the peril her eldest was in on a daily basis. No more head in the sand for Joyce Summers. Buffy was constantly at risk. No, the last thing Joyce wanted was to make a big issue over this little glitch. Her girls needed to let her worry about them, not the other way around.

Joyce had hoped that Riley helping out with the slaying would make Buffy less prone to injury. Maybe with proper backup Buffy could outlive all expectations, even grow old. Oddly enough, it seemed Riley’s presence hadn’t prevented much. He was highly trained, or so Joyce had been told, but he was still a human facing a supernatural enemy. No matter how many of Buffy’s friends or boyfriends were at her side, the risks were still alarmingly high for her brave girl. 

She had so many dreams for her beautiful elder daughter. Buffy was far more intelligent than she herself believed. Just getting the grades she had received while saving the world every night was remarkable. Joyce still resented the intrusion of Buffy’s calling, how it warped her life and cheated her of all the things most girls could take for granted. Buffy was a beauty too, a real head turner with a wonderful sense of humor. She could do and be anything she wished! 

Joyce just wanted her happy. Well, happy and safe. A nice, faithful, devoted man to help partner her in life, a career that fulfilled her and a family to surround her with love--a typical mother’s dreams for her child, Joyce supposed. 

Realistically, Buffy’s life was destined to be anything but normal. Still, there should be some way to carve as much happiness as possible out of it. Buffy had already more than paid her dues. She was surrounded by so much violence and pain; it really wasn’t fair at all. If Joyce could remove the burden from Buffy she would. As it was, all she could do was be there for her daughter and she wasn’t going to let some bit of tissue in the brain stop her.

~*~ 

Joyce sat with her second cup of tea and worked over her “to-do” list for the girls to follow while she was in the hospital. The groceries needed to be the right kind--not just frozen pizza and junk food. She highlighted the fresh vegetables on the list in bright yellow. The knock on the back door startled her into spilling a bit of her liquid comfort.

“Stopped by to see if you got that shipment in you were telling me about last week.” Spike smiled in greeting as Joyce let him into her kitchen. “Fancy some help with the heavier pieces?”

Joyce smiled in return. It was hard at times to remember that the creature before her was actually over a hundred years old, and a vampire at that. He seemed such a charming, disarming boy most of the time. She tended to relate to him that way as well. Their tentative friendship had begun over drunken, tear-filled moments in this very kitchen a couple of years before and had slipped into a comfortable place that she enjoyed more than she wanted to admit. She still had few friends in Sunnydale. 

“I had Bobby unload them, Spike, but thank you for offering.”

“Always willing to lend a bit of muscle.” Spike perched on the counter, ignoring the chair available at the table. “Writing some fanfiction for “Friends” or “Ally McBeal” there, pet? Make all the characters do the things you want them to do, not what the soddin’ writers come up with?” His teasing tone always made her want to laugh. He really was full of charm when he wasn’t taunting Buffy into hitting him. They had talked at length about Joyce’s old dream of becoming a famous novelist and Spike was always encouraging her to try her hand, even if only as an amateur. 

“No, but speaking of TV shows, have you managed to get that cable connection you were working on where you live?” 

“Still a work in progress.” Spike noted the tea bag on the saucer by Joyce’s cup and frowned. One day he’d invite the lady over for a proper cuppa and show off his ingenuity in turning a tomb into a proper home, fit for even a lady such as Joyce to come as company.

“Maybe Xander could lend a hand. He has always been the one to get my electronic messes straightened out here.” 

Spike knew better than to voice his opinion of the boy who had made himself a thorn in his side ever since his chipping. Joyce liked the whelp and, Spike was pleased to realize, she liked him too. There were times when he could remain silent, if the prize was worth it, and having a friend was a fine prize indeed. “I’ve got a handle on it, pet. Just need to nick the right bits and pieces and I’ll be as high-tech as Bill Bloody Gates. Plan on havin’ more than just cable TV when I’m done. Gonna be fully connected, a man of the times.”

Joyce chuckled. It was true that Spike wasn’t like most vampires she had heard about since being forced into admitting they existed. Even Angel seemed to hold onto an aura of bygone times compared to Spike. True, Spike hadn’t moved past Sid Vicious in his fashion sense, but that was a statement and not a sign of being stuck in the past. She wondered, not for the first time, just how it felt to be nearly immortal. At the moment, that made her more sad than contemplative, so she shelved the thought.

Spike noted the fleeting emotions that crossed her face and wondered what was up. “Everything okay, Joyce? Eldest giving you nightmares with her unfortunate choices in mates?” There were no words for the hatred Spike felt towards Riley Finn and seeing his Slayer hanging on the berk was maddening.

Joyce detected the jealous tone in his voice and pushed aside the fears that came from suspecting that yet another vampire was attracted to Buffy. “Riley has been very helpful and Buffy is finally enjoying herself like any normal college-age girl, so no, no nightmares on that account.” 

She could see the look of concern on Spike’s face and knew he was aware that something was not right. It wouldn’t do to confide in him when she had yet to even speak to her own children though. “Everything is fine. I’m making a shopping list and I just know Buffy and Dawn will ignore everything on it and load up on microwavable junk.”

“Going somewhere then?” Spike guessed. “Can’t say I’d want Buffy trying her hand at cooking a real meal. Might be better if they did stick to the quick n’ easy. Less chance to burn down your lovely house.” He smiled at a private memory. “And have you tried any of the Bit’s ‘specialties’?” He shuddered and turned slightly green, causing peals of laughter from Joyce.

“Sadly, yes. She seems to have no interest in following normal recipes and I refuse to try her concoctions again after the last time. She decided that peanut butter would make a great ingredient in lasagna for some reason. It wasn’t.” They both grimaced at the thought. “She had this convoluted logic about peanuts being protein and how the consistency was almost like Ricotta cheese.”

The phone broke into their laughter and with some regret Joyce went to answer. She laughed a lot in Spike’s company; it felt nice. “Summers residence. Joyce here.” She closed her eyes in resignation as she listened to Buffy giving her excuses for missing the dinner they had planned. “Just make sure Giles feeds you while you do this research, okay? He may be your Watcher, but I’m your mom and I don’t think you eat nearly enough.”

Spike thought Buffy looked perfect as she was, but didn’t voice it. So the Slayer was in for a night of research. He wondered what big bad was on the scene to bring Buffy to the point of reading dusty tomes and listening to Rupes drone on and on about this and that misinformation the Council passed off as fact.

“Suppose I’d best be heading off. Wires to connect, bits to nick.” Spike slid from the counter graceful as a cat and headed for the back door. “Give a shout if you need anything. Harris isn’t the only one handy and willin’ to offer.”

“Thank you, Spike. I know you are always considerate and helpful to me and I appreciate that. You’re a good friend.” Joyce watched as his black clad form melded into the night.

~*~ 

“No, honey, I’m fine.” Joyce continued packing, managing to avoid eye contact with a worried Buffy. “Have you seen my conditioner?” Keep it casual, that’s the ticket.

“Did you look under the sink?” Buffy was trying to wrap her mind around the news her mom had just given her. Vampires and demons she could face ‘til the cows came home--even a herd of vampire cows if they existed--but hospitals were another thing completely. In Buffy’s short life, hospitals equaled despair and death. “So why the hospital? I know you’ve had those migraines lately, but that isn’t usually a reason to check into that place.”

“Well, it’s likely nothing, honey. Dr. Isaacs just wants to be sure, run some tests.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re not talking multiple choice or true-or-false here. What kind of tests and for what?”

Joyce finally looked her in the eye and noticed how pale Buffy was at the thought of her going into the hospital. “I’m only staying overnight for observation and a CAT scan.” She could see that Buffy was already in overdrive with concern. “I’ll only be one night and they say that even if there is something it’s still early and I’ll be just fine.”

“What’s this early ‘it’ that’s nothing for me to worry about?”

“There’s a slight, a very slight chance that I might have a small growth on my brain.”

Buffy blinked and felt light headed. This was no little something; this was serious, deadly serious. “You mean…a tumor.”

“Yes, dear, that is the term.” Joyce sat on the edge of the bed and took her daughter’s hands in her own. “Sweetie, it’s really unlikely, but they don’t want to take a chance, okay? Remember who you’re dealing with here. I’ll be fine!”

“I know you will,” Buffy tried to sound reassuring in spite of the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“By the way,” Joyce sought to change the subject, “I got asked out to dinner.”

Buffy’s raised eyebrows gave away her surprise. 

“What, you think I don’t have ‘it’ anymore?” Joyce teased. “His name is Brian and he’s completely human. I looked for wiring this time.” She smiled at Buffy’s slight blush.

“So…dinner, huh? Make him take you someplace expensive.” Buffy wanted her mom happy and this Brian had better watch himself or he’d be answering to the Slayer.

“He’s a real darling; you’ll like him. He’s a lawyer and is well on his way to making partner.”

“Lawyer, huh? Thought you said he wasn’t a demon.” Buffy teased.

“I said lawyer, honey, not politician,” Joyce quipped back. “So you see, nothing to worry about with this test. I’ve got too much to do yet for it to be anything serious. They’ll look at the scan, see I have a normal brain, give me something for the headaches and send me home to torment you and Dawn.”

~*~

Joyce watched from the kitchen window as Buffy finally gave in to the tears and fears. How strange that the comfort her daughter needed was coming from a gun-toting vampire awkwardly patting her back and offering silent support.

Heaven only knew what had caused the appearance of a shotgun. Buffy and Spike had a volatile relationship at best. One would think they were in a heated romance the way they fought yet kept coming back to one another again and again. That gave Joyce pause. True she really did like Spike but sensing the underlying attraction between Buffy and the vampire caused more concern than joy. Still there was no denying that they were evenly matched in strengths, and stubbornness too for that matter.

Seeing her strong, proud daughter turn her face into Spike’s shoulder and give in to the wellspring of grief nearly broke her motherly heart. Just another reason the scan would have to show nothing but a normal brain: Buffy needed her no matter how strong she wanted to think herself. She needed her mother.


	2. Chapter 2

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Chapter 2  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike inhaled the sweet musk of pure Buffy from her sweater and gave a guilty jump as Finn managed to startle him. “Predator thing,” he’d fumbled. “Jumper’s got that Slayer scent all over it.” As if he still wanted any harm to come Buffy’s way! Wouldn’t do to make the farm boy jealous though, not with the bloody chip preventing him from a fair fight. Nothing Spike would love more than to lay one on the git, but Spike didn’t care for self-inflicted pain when it could be avoided.

Riley sneered at the vampire, “What’s a little sweater-sniffing between sworn enemies?” His tone just invited verbal warfare.

“Your girl in the habit of buying her enemies drinks, ‘cause she spent the better part of last night with me doing just that.”

Riley’s eyes narrowed in anger. He’d wondered where Buffy was all evening and didn’t like the sound of this one bit. “That’s good, tell me another one.”

Seeing a chink in the armor, Spike dove right in. “Okay, how ‘bout this? Twice in recent memory she’s had the wiccas do a disinvite on the house to keep specific vamps out. Ya ever ask yourself why she’s never taken my name off the guest list?”

“Because you’re harmless?”

Spike smirked right back at him. “Even before the chip?”

His fists and fangs might be hindered but there was nothing to stop his rapier tongue from giving the wanker a right lashing. Couldn’t let Finn get away with calling him harmless. “Face it, Buffy’s got a type and you’re not it. She likes us dangerous, rough and occasionally bumpy in the forehead region.” Spike smirked as he watched each word prick at the boy’s insecurities. “Not that she doesn’t like you, but sorry, Charlie, you’re just not dark enough.”

Well, that nearly netted him a fatal sunburn! Boy had it bad and Spike loved every minute of it. “You don’t know anything about Buffy. I’m the one who knows what she needs,” Riley spat.

Time to turn the screw a bit harder. “Yeah? That why you’re with her at the hospital right now? Givin’ her what she needs, strong manly shoulder and whatnot?

Riley yanked Spike back into the house. “What are you talking about?”

Spike put on a patently false look of sympathy. “Don’t you know? Didn’t she tell you?” Finn was clearly wanting to beat it out of him. “Mum’s sickly. Buffy took her to the hospital for a bit of prod ‘n probe. You know, it’s funny her not telling you about it. I’ve known since last night.” THERE! He might not be able to do physical damage but no one could say Spike was harmless!

~*~

Riley had never broken so many speed limits in his law abiding life. It irked him beyond the telling that Buffy had confided in Spike of all…no not people…things. She was HIS girlfriend!

The elevator ride to the proper floor gave him time to pull himself together. It wouldn’t do to start in on Buffy for her lapse at this moment. Men had to take care of their women at a time like this.

“Buffy.” He held open his arms and she melted into them with relief.

There were days when having the weight of the world on her shoulders was more personal than others and Buffy sighed in gratitude to have strong arms hold her if only for a moment.

“Mom’s in the testing room having her scan. Dawn’s having a fit and I don’t have a clue how to make her feel better.” She smiled at her boyfriend. “Got any hidden bedside skills you can pull out of your hat?”

Riley’s eyes glazed over as his mind went to places Buffy clearly didn’t mean under the circumstances. She had been too busy with the superwoman big bad lately to do more than have a soaking bath and sleep, and Riley was more than a bit frustrated. He was only a man after all, not a saint.

Buffy blushed, seeing where his mind had gone. She gave him a swat on the arm. “Not that kind of skill. The kind that will help with my adolescent sister.” She knew that she had been less than happy-making Buffy lately but refused to feel guilty. Riley understood; he was a big boy.

Riley followed her to Dawn’s side and hugged the frightened girl. “I’m sure everything will be fine, Dawn. Your mom is strong and young.”

Dawn sniffled and managed, to his annoyance, to get his shirt mucked up. “I know. It’s just the waiting, you know?”

“Yeah, that’s always the hardest part, and hey, almost done with that now.” Buffy smiled at her little sister and smoothed Dawn’s hair lovingly.

“So how’d you know where I was?”

“Caught Spike poking in your drawers.”

Buffy looked irritated and confused but decided not to even to ask.

“He made sure I got the latest scoop on my girlfriend.”

“I was going to call as soon as I heard something. Not much to tell right now.”

“I was just a bit upset to be the last to know. Even Spike,” he spat out the name, “knew about this. When were you going to tell me?” All his good intentions to avoid confrontation were going out the window.

“It was all pretty sudden. Mom thinks it will just be an overnight and no big deal. I didn’t want to worry you over nothing.” Buffy shuffled her feet and fought off the feeling that she had something to be guilty over.

~*~

There it was, clear enough for even Joyce to recognize it on the images. A tiny bit of tissue as deadly as any demon, hiding like a small ticking bomb in the brain she had always taken for granted. Joyce stared at the image with incomprehension. How does one look their mortality in the face and truly grasp the meaning?

She was scheduled for a consultation with the surgeon later in the afternoon. Seemed her prediction of one night in the hospital was a bit optimistic.

How was she supposed to break this news to Buffy and Dawn? Buffy had far too much on her plate already to have to deal with this. Even if the surgery went well, Joyce would need to lean on her eldest for a bit until she was back up to speed. Buffy shouldn’t have to manage a home and assume the care of her adolescent and often rebellious little sister. And just who could she rely on to make sure the gallery continued to turn a profit? This was her fault; she should have prepared better. Now the clock was ticking and she was caught with her pants down.

“Just a few questions that will help us get a good idea of your particular case.“ The doctor began writing on a legal pad and referring to his list of questions. “Do you live near overhead power lines? Do you deal with wireless communications or headsets on a regular basis?”

Joyce wondered what that had to do with anything. This was a modern world; didn’t everyone use modern technology? Was there some great outbreak of brain tumors taking place that no one knew about? She thought of her pride in having so much wireless computing equipment at the gallery, of the Bluetooth device she had stuck in her ear most days keeping in touch with her clients and her contacts while leaving her hands free. Surely the doctor wasn’t suggesting that had anything to do with her current medical crisis. Was she being punished for being successful? That just wasn’t fair at all!

Hank! He was the one who picked out their house in L.A. The overhead telephone and power lines had been everywhere in their neighborhood. “Well, our old home was under some lines, yes. Are you saying that caused this?”

“Oh, no, there isn’t any definitive proof on that yet, but Dr. Kriegel did put together a small list of things they are looking into as possible contributing factors.” Dr. Isaacs looked a bit nervous, as if he could all but sense a future subpoena in a nasty class action suit. That was something to be avoided at all costs. “I personally don’t think there is a connection at all, but you know these researchers, checking on every little detail, looking for any small possibility.”

Joyce had ceased to listen to the doctor’s continued droning. Her thoughts were all scattered and filled with regret and worry.

She should have trained Buffy better in all those areas that help a person make a comfortable life. She couldn’t even cook for God’s sake! Had the schools taught budgeting? What was Buffy going to do if she didn’t make it? Did Buffy even know where to look for all the legal paperwork?

Joyce should have just stayed with Hank, the cheating bastard. He hadn’t wanted the divorce, just the freedom to have his bits of fluff without the argument and angst. The divorce had been expensive and had cost him more financially than it had Joyce. Tammy Wynette took center stage in Joyce’s mind, wailing about standing by her man. If she had just tried harder, the girls would at least have one parent actively involved in their life.

No, no, the divorce was right. The girls had to see that self-respect was a good thing and that a woman could make her own way in the world without a man. What she should have done was make sure the rat bastard had paid his support regularly and that he showed up for visits. It was her fault for not forcing him to meet his legal obligation. She should have had his ass tossed in jail the second time he “forgot” to make a payment or come by for at least a quick trip to In-N-Out Burger.

Thank God for the success of the gallery! Oh, God, the gallery!!! Buffy knew nothing, absolutely nothing about what went on there. She wouldn’t know what pieces were on commission and which were owned by the gallery and able to be sold with all the profit staying in-house. She wouldn’t know the customers to contact for specialty items or how to authenticate merchandise. Joyce had kept the operation small, only a couple of employees, but neither of them would be able to slip into her shoes. The gallery would have to be sold.

~*~

Buffy had clearly been crying. Well, at least Joyce didn’t have to be the one to break the news. She held out her arms and reached for both her girls.

“Mom!” Dawn broke down in heartrending sobs.

“Shh, baby. I’m fine, really!”

Buffy pulled Dawn off their suddenly fragile-looking mother. “Dawnie, Mom doesn’t need to worry about drowning on top of everything else.”

Dawn sniffed and moved enough to please Buffy, still staying close enough to please herself. “You SO have to get better quick! Buffy makes the absolute worst mom substitute. She’s a regular prison warden!”

Joyce smiled. “Well, sweetheart, usually the ones who had a history of finding ways around their own parent’s edicts are just like that. They know the kind of mischief a pretty girl like you can get into.”

“Hey!” Buffy stifled a giggle, remembering all her years of sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night. “I am not anywhere near ready for momhood.” She gave a fake glare at Dawn. “But I DO know my way around how to handle demons.”

Joyce laughed with them both. Maybe there’d be some good in that. She had heard that laughter was the best medicine. Perhaps they could chortle away the tumor.

“So I take it the doctor explained everything to you?”

“Yeah.” Buffy blinked back tears. “I kinda heard tumor and surgery and a lot of blah blah blah from a distance with a kind of whooshing noise in the background though, so maybe later you can fill in the blank parts?”

“Of course, honey.” Joyce grasped Buffy’s hand. “Not much else to tell really. Lots of ‘ifs’ and ‘maybes’ that they won’t know the answer to until they actually get a real look inside my noggin.”

Dawn fingered her mother’s hair. “Are they going to shave your head?”

“Well, I imagine part of it would be all they need to shave, but then I’d just look silly. I think I’ll go for the Lt. Ilia look or get a pretty wig ‘til it grows back.”

Dawn looked completely confused, so Joyce explained. “Star Trek? The first movie? The bald, pretty alien crewmember who wore that flower thing and looked so lovely?”

Both her girls just looked at her in confusion. “Never mind,” she sighed. She hated feeling so old.

Buffy seemed to get the idea and brightened. “Ohh, totally Sinead O’Connor. I get it!”

Now Joyce was the one looking confused. She was suddenly drained of all her energy reserves. The letdown from the past couple of days’ worry and anticipation hit her like a ton of bricks. “Buffy, honey, did I hear Riley out there?”

“Sure did. Want me to call him in here?”

“No, that’s alright. Maybe he could drive you home so you could get a little rest.”

Buffy looked at her in concern. It was pretty clear that the one needing rest was Joyce. “Okay. I have to check on the gang anyway. I’ll have Riley take Dawn somewhere for dinner and then home while I get in a quick patrol after.”

“Buffy, please be careful.” Joyce’s grip on her hand tightened. “Don’t be distracted by this. I’ll be fine, really. Cross my heart.”

~*~

Too many thoughts and recriminations swirled around her for Joyce to drift off to peaceful slumber.

She should have taken better care of herself. What had she been thinking? She wasn’t some young college girl with the world ahead of her, able to take the time to follow old dreams. She was a mature woman with two dependent children to think of. She should have been seeing to their security and making certain she was around to take care of things.

Time enough for the hair shirt later. For now, all Joyce wanted to do was drown her misery and forget. Trouble was, she was in the hospital and she doubted there would be any Long Island Ice Teas on the menu. She thought back to other times when liquid comfort was all too easily had and choked back a sob. She would never forget how her careless, drink-spurred words had caused Buffy to run off years before. The drinking hadn’t changed a thing; there were still vampires and demons and Buffy was still the Chosen One. And drinking wouldn’t change anything now either. She sighed in resignation.

Somehow she was going to have to do years’ worth of work in a short time if she wanted to make sure she didn’t completely ruin her daughters’ lives by her lack of foresight.

So lost in beating herself up was Joyce that she missed the exit of Dr. Isaacs and the entry of her first guest of the evening.

“Fetching costume, Joyce. Not many can pull off the tiny flowered, tie-string look.” Spike held a small somewhat straggly bouquet of flowers. Joyce was fairly certain they had been destined for some other patient, especially given the blue ‘it’s a boy’ ribbon still attached, but it was the thought that counted. “Got any word yet?”

“Thank you, Spike, and yes, they had the results immediately. Modern testing devices are nothing if not quick.”

“And…?” he prompted. His face betrayed his worry even as he busied himself shoving his pilfered floral gift into her water pitcher.

“And I have my work cut out for me.” She began to laugh at the unintentional irony and feared for a moment the laughter would turn to hysteria. “Actually, Dr. Kriegel will be doing the cutting. It’s a tumor, small but still dangerous. I’m being scheduled for surgery as soon as possible.”

Spike had rarely been struck dumb before, but this did it. How do you talk to someone about their possible death? Spike was used to being the dark angel bringing death, not the one comforting the terminal patient. Joyce looked so terribly fragile--and not just physically. Spike worried that ill chosen words might just break her.

“Did Buffy tell you I was here?”

“Yeah.” Spike’s voice was subdued bordering on grim. “Right gutted she was too. Enough that she accepted some cold comfort from yours truly. That’ll tell you how out of it she was.”

“I know. I saw.” Joyce patted his hand in silent thanks.

Spike realized he had only added to Joyce’s concerns. “Thick as two short planks I am, sittin’ here addin’ to your misery.” He put on the brightest smile he could muster and tried to do some damage control. “She’s strong though; she’ll come through a champion as always. You don’t need to add to your worries about that. I’ll be watching her back too, just to be sure. No distractions for either of you if I can do anything about it.”

Joyce returned the smile, hers being the far more genuine of the two. He really could be a dear! “I’d be happy to know you are watching out for her. She doesn’t know that I caught onto what happened to her the other day, but she was hurt--I think rather badly--while slaying. I worry about that each and every night. I can’t get the words I read out of my mind, words in those books that Giles loaned to me about the life of a Slayer--the SHORT life, they should just come out and say.”

“For what it’s worth, Buffy’s the best I’ve ever seen and gettin’ better every day. Good thing she’s stopped really trying to dust me, ‘cause I think she could take me pretty easily now.”

“Still, all it takes is just one moment of distraction or overconfidence,” Joyce mused, her brow furrowed with worry.

“Told her that just the other night, I did,” Spike admitted. “Talked to her about how the Slayers I beat lost and how she can keep on winning.” Spike neglected to mention how that night had ended and just why he had shown up on her back porch with a shotgun. “I’ll be around, keep her on her toes and pick up the slack if needed. Just don’t tell her that or she will dust me!”

“Mum’s the word, not to worry. I know my girl. She’d hate anyone thinking she needed help for anything!” Joyce wondered if Buffy got her pride from watching her and wondered if that was just another sin to be laid at her doorstep. There was nothing wrong in accepting help when you needed it. Joyce vowed to make sure Buffy and Dawn learned that at least. No one was that self-sufficient and, in Buffy’s case, it was a literal life-or-death lesson.

“Hate to just pop in without a proper coze, but figure your nearest and dearest will be descending any moment and can’t say I want to be found hoverin’ round their mum’s bed.” Spike shuddered at the thought of Buffy’s reaction if she caught him there. “’Sides, need to do a sweep of the local haunts, clear the chaff a bit before the Slayer goes on harvest.”

“I do appreciate that and you, Spike. You are a good friend.” Joyce blushed as he gallantly kissed her hand. He really was. Even Dawn got along well with him. If only Spike were human, she’d be hoping that Buffy would notice all his better qualities. Joyce would love knowing her girls were being cared for by someone strong yet tender, as Spike had shown himself to be over the past couple of years.

“Ta, love. Be back tomorrow, if you’re still here.” He blanched at how that sounded. “Mean, in hospital o’ course.”

“I’m not that easy to get rid of,” Joyce reassured him. “I knew what you meant. I’ll be the envy of all the women on the floor when they see my handsome visitor, even if he is a flower thief.”

“Prefer to think of it as liberating the blooms. New mum’s got a million of ‘em and this sorry lot would just get ignored in the shuffle.” He smiled and waved as he exited.

~*~

Buffy couldn’t believe Giles could be so lame as to sell bad mojo supplies to Glory of all people! Had he lost his mind when he lost his Watcher position with the Council? She hadn’t rubbed it in, was far too distracted at the time she found out. Still, after killing the giant snake thing and getting another beat down from Glory, she had some time to connect with her inner bitch.

In hindsight, she actually felt sorry for Anya. The gang, including Giles, had thought to hang the whole thing on her! The ex-demon wasn’t one of Buffy’s favorite people, but it wasn’t at all right to hide behind her while telling Anya to shut up.

Maybe she was just hurting, exhausted and worried, but Buffy didn’t really want to run into the gang ‘til tomorrow. They were on her last nerve. They wouldn’t even look for a possible spell to help with her mom!

Still, Buffy trusted that Tara would have told her if there were a way. Considering Tara had also thought it a bad idea meant that it must be the truth.

She had talked to Riley earlier and he had taken Dawn to the carousel and fed her hot dogs. Well, that covered dinner at least. Now Dawn was back home tucked in bed, so Buffy didn’t have to worry about her if she wanted to pop in to visit with her mom for a short while. She limped her way to the hospital, clutching her arm where Glory had nearly dislocated it and hoped for good news from her mom.

~*~

Riley had heartburn. Hot dogs and irritation equaled the need for Alka-Seltzer, but he’d settle for a shot of whiskey. Dawn hadn’t even noticed how her words had tormented him. __

_(earlier)_

_Dawn and he sat eating hotdogs and watching the children go round and round on the wooden horses. “I’m really glad you’re here.”_

_Riley felt himself puff up with manly pride. It was good to be appreciated. “Thanks.”_

_“Buffy’s glad too.”_

_Riley wasn’t completely sure of that. She seemed so distant for so long now…ever since he had the implant removed really. She seemed to lose respect for him, to no longer see him as an equal._

_“She sure cries less with you than she did with Angel.”_

_There was that name again! What did the kid mean ‘cries less’? Since when did he make her cry? Wait a minute…did that mean precious Angel made Buffy unhappy? “Angel made her cry a lot?” He tried to keep the glee from his voice and almost succeeded._

_Dawn nodded. “Everything with him was all ‘grr’, you know? The whole ‘my boyfriend’s a vampire’ craziness.” Riley nodded for her to continue. “Every day was like the end of the world, sometimes literally. It was all too Romeo and Juliet, if you ask me. Lots of teen angst and passion.” Dawn shook her head, pleased at finding the words to describe her older sister’s grand, disastrous, first love._

_‘Yeah!’ Riley thought, ‘nothing but puppy love. Of course that puppy had fangs….then again, all puppies had fangs.’ He was so pleased at the dismissal of Buffy’s first love that he nearly missed the rest of what Dawn was saying. He wished later that he had._

_“She doesn’t get all worked up like that over you. I think you’ve been really good for her.” She smiled shyly at Finn._

“Yeah, doesn’t get worked up,” he mumbled into his drink.

Willy’s was crowded and Riley was hunched over his drink, just hoping someone would bump into him and start a fight. He’d love to plant one on some demon in this place.

A comely vampire strolled over towards him. He remembered her name was Sandy and she was relatively harmless. When she had come on to him once before and he turned her down, she had meekly walked away. Not a very good predator, maybe that’s how she stayed so slim.

So he didn’t get Buffy’s passions fired up, did he? So vampires were what got her hot? Maybe he needed to see what all the fuss was about. He ordered a drink for Sandy and motioned to the now vacant seat next to him. Maybe he’d find out what Buffy felt. Why the Slayer had let vampires like Dracula and Angel have so much power over her. Buffy’d even let them bite her, for God’s sake!

~*~

Joyce was still asleep while Buffy kept silent vigil. She wished there was something she could do, something she could kill that would make this all right. Buffy had never felt so powerless or human in her life--and not human in a good way.

She had faced Glory earlier with little or no fear, taken a beating and bounced back for more. The snake had alarmed her and she had known the danger of letting it get back to the bimbo–bitch, but she had never once felt like the situation was out of her control. This was different.

She loved and admired her mom so much and had never told her. They had, however, made up after the bad and uncomfortable years. Those had largely been the fault of Merrick and later Giles, who insisted that Buffy keep her mother in the dark. Well, maybe not so much Giles; he had let her tell her friends after all, and probably would have been okay with her explaining to her mom about being the Chosen One if she had wanted to try again.

Her mom had been just as strong as a Slayer really. Left to make a whole new life for her family when her dad decided his secretary was more fun than a wife and kids, she had stepped up to the plate. Joyce had done it too, hit it out of the park. She was a success and was even starting to build a social life. Through it all, she had kept close to Buffy and even Willow couldn’t say that about her mom. Once Joyce sorted through all the supernatural stuff, she was uber supporto-mom.

Buffy was going to have to be strong for both of them for a while, let Joyce rest. She didn’t want her mom to have to worry too much about this Glory thing and Dawn’s safety. Time to suck it up and be the woman her mother expected her to be. Buffy just wished she wasn’t so very, very tired.

~*~

Riley and Sandy stood outside what must have been her apartment. He knew that he was in no danger. The girl might—and probably would--bite, but she wouldn’t dare try to drain him. She was looking for a good time, some romance and a bit of nourishment along the way.

He really wanted to do this. It was good enough for Buffy after all. Better than good. How was it that Dawn put it? Ah, passion. He hadn’t felt real passion from Buffy except that one time in the haunted frat house when they were sexual ghost batteries. Passion…. Oh yeah, he wanted some of that. He yearned to feel like he was the center of someone’s world, of Buffy’s world.

He was always having to compete with that miserable glowering vampire he wished he’d staked the time Angel had come into town to give him the sniff-over.

It wasn’t right! Women had always been impressed with him and his cool military commando/‘take no prisoners’ persona. Of course, Buffy was different; she was more than his equal. Maybe that was the problem: she didn’t see him as an equal any longer.

Now Sandy here, she saw him as more than an equal. She knew he had power; she knew who he was and what he could do.

Sandy smiled up at Riley and ran her hands over his chest. Her eyes indicated the need for permission as her mouth neared his neck.

Riley didn’t pull back and craned his neck slightly in invitation. Sandy kissed him tenderly before letting her vampire face come to the fore. Her fangs slid home with far less pain than he had expected and he relaxed into the moment. It was compelling being the center of her whole existence for that moment in time. The act was oddly sensual, sending sharp bolts of desire to his groin.

‘NO! This is a thing, a monster. I’m better than this. Buffy’s better than this. I just have to prove it to her.’ He moved his hand from the back of Sandy’s head and reached for his stake. In one move he thrust her from him and ran the sharp piece of wood home. He noted the accusing look of sadness and shock as Sandy crumbled to dust.

This had been different from the suck house experiences. This had bordered on a date with a vampire. He felt dirty and cheap and more than a bit angry at Buffy. How could she give herself to something like that?

He needed Buffy. And she needed to know that he was what she needed too.

~*~

“Shhhh!” Buffy looked irritated. “Mom just fell back asleep and we really should take this outside.”

“Nothing to take outside, Buffy. I’m here for you, you have to know that.” Riley drew her into a hug

“You hold me at arm’s length, Buffy. I want to take care of you. Need you to let me in,” Riley looked pleadingly at her searching for some glimmer that she understood, that she needed not just someone, but him.

“I’m sorry.” Buffy could feel the waves of emotional need wafting off of him and suddenly felt even more weary. “I can’t take care of you and Mom too, not while thinking my mother might be dying.”

“Like I said, Buffy, I want to take care of you. You don’t have to be on top of everything all the time.” Riley tried not to let his bruised ego show.

“I’m tough, Riley. I take care of myself and the whole world at least once a year, along with making sure the good citizens of Sunnydale are safe on a nightly basis. I’m a little busy at the moment and not as careful not to hurt your feelings.”

“It’s not about hurt feelings, Buffy!” Riley lowered his voice at Buffy’s motioning to her sleeping mother. “My God, you told that blood sucker all about Joyce and I had to hear it from him!”

“Spike happened to be there just after I found out. It’s not like I hunted him down.”

“And that’s another good question…,” Riley let jealousy get the better of the situation.

“Just why haven’t you hunted down Seventeen and shoved something wood into him? He’s a vampire; you’re the Slayer. That’s the only relationship you should be having with him, not talk buddies.”

“’Talk buddies’? You think Spike and I are ‘talk buddies’?” Buffy pushed Riley towards the door to the hallway outside. Somehow she had the feeling this was going to get worse before it got better.

“Some of the guys saw you sharing drinks and snacks at the Bronze,” Riley pouted. “Spike bragged about it.”

“That was work. Research.” Buffy was exasperated. “Look, I don’t owe you any explanation about Spike or my dealings with him. As for staking him, there’s no need. Your former boss took that need away and he’s harmless.”

Riley muttered “research” in a skeptical way and turned from Buffy. “I just know that you seem to have plenty of time for everything and everybody else but me lately. I’m beginning to wonder if being stronger than I am now has made you see me as less of a man.”

“No,” Buffy rolled her eyes in frustration, “But I am starting to wonder if you do.”

“I love you, Buffy. I changed my whole life, my loyalties for you,” Riley could hear the resentment himself and cringed inwardly. He hated to become a beggar. “I know you don’t say the words, but we are onto something special here. But even something special needs nurturing now and then.”

Buffy wanted to hit something, preferably some large, muscular something. “Riley, are you sure this is the best time to get all green-eyed and insecure? I just got bested by a vamp that made Donny Osmond look virile, found out my mother has a brain tumor, have some crazy-mad bimbo in heels that for some reason can kick my butt plaguing me and a little sister that--,” she stopped herself in shock. She really didn’t want Riley knowing all about Dawn!

“I understand your responsibilities,” Riley said in a dismissive tone of voice.

“No, you really, really don’t. You volunteered. I was called; it’s a whole other vibe. You can walk away from it and I never can. The best I can do is to try to stay alive as long as possible while juggling my calling with a real life. If you can’t understand my priorities, then we have a real problem here.” Buffy sighed. “Look, I’m too tired to fight right now. Obviously we have issues, but I choose not to deal with those right this moment. If you can’t just visit without any demands on me until I’m a bit less up to my neck in worries, then you need to leave.”

Riley looked shamefaced. “I can do that,” he promised.

A not-so-asleep-as-she had-appeared Joyce listened to the conversation in the hallway. There was trouble there in the making. Men who didn’t feel fulfilled at home looked elsewhere; that’s what Hank had done. She prayed that Buffy wouldn’t be the next Summers woman to feel the sting of betrayal. ‘I hope I’ve taught her not to accept that from any man,’ Joyce worried. Joyce didn’t want another thing to lay to her list of neglects in her mothering. She could see how Buffy seemed to need the approval of those around her, even at a cost to herself.

Riley had seemed a godsend, just what Joyce had pictured for her eldest: manly and strong and human. She could hear the undercurrent in his voice though, that same one Hank had when he accused her of being too much the mother and not enough the wife. The same need that demanded attention no matter what else was going on in life at the moment. That same insecurity that needed constant bolstering, the ego needing a tender stroke. This was NOT what Joyce wanted for Buffy. She wanted someone who would be a true partner for her daughter, someone to appreciate all that made up Buffy.

“Tell you what, Buffy,” Riley offered, “why don’t I just let you visit with your mom and drop by later when you’re home. That way you can concentrate on her completely.”

Buffy turned a worried gaze towards the doorway, “Yeah, that would be good. Thanks for coming, Riley, and I’ll see you later.”

He gave her a soft kiss and a smile before heading towards the elevators. Maybe that skinny vamp would be available for a quick suck job. Just a little something to take the edge off, make him feel a bit more even-keeled, more necessary.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N “Listening To Fear” (written by Jane Espenson) transcript provided bits of dislogue.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Chapter 3  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Joyce was going stir crazy. ‘Or maybe that was just crazy,’ she worried. The monster in her own head was starting to roar. Holding her two girls close to her and trying to reassure them while trying to keep grounded in reality was becoming an issue. ‘Maybe if I were home it would be easier.’

Dr. Kriegal dropped by to see how his soon-to-be patient was holding up. ‘Such a sad thing to see a woman so young and vibrant stricken this way, and with two such lovely daughters to raise as well!’ “So!” he put on his most cheerful and uplifting smile, “How are the staff treating you ladies?”

“Fine, Doctor.” Joyce smiled at Dawn, who was still playing with her lime jello from the dinner food tray.

“We’ve scheduled your surgery for the day after tomorrow at 10 a.m.. That should let you get a bit of rest and let your girls pamper you a bit before we get down to business.”

Joyce looked around a bit wide-eyed and tried not to panic. “I’m really going to be a basket case cooped up here until then. I have so much to arrange.” She turned pleading eyes on the doctor.

“You shouldn’t overexert yourself. We want you fresh when we go to work on that tumor,” he cautioned.

“Oh nothing physical, Doctor. I just have a few things I need to put together--you know, for insurance and so on.” She really needed to get out of there.

“I would still prefer you rest. The paperwork can wait until after you’re back to yourself again. I’m sure your daughters would agree?” He looked pointedly at Buffy in an unspoken bid for support.

“Be that as it may…I really would rather go home and check back in for the surgery. I promise to be a good girl and rest.” Joyce felt like crying in desperation. “I need to be around my family, my home.” What she needed was to feel in some control of her life again.

Buffy really couldn’t decide who made the best case, but it was always better to side with family. “I could take care of anything Mom needs if you let her come home.”

The doctor looked skeptical but understanding. Joyce Summers wasn’t the first patient to want to hoof it as far away as possible and for as long as possible. The daughter did look capable and concerned though. “You’d have to be instructed in the administering of her medication and a long list of do’s and don’ts,” he warned.

“I can do lists,” Buffy promised and Dawn chimed in that she could as well.

The doctor sighed and gave in. “Alright. I’ll see to the arrangements and come back to go over the orders when we’re ready to discharge you.” He gave his patient a stern look. “I mean it, missy, no rowdiness and no misbehavior from you.” He softened his warning with a warm smile.

“Yes, sir, I’ll be good as gold.” Joyce held her fingers in the traditional Girl Scout sign. “Scouts honor! And I really was a Girl Scout once upon a time.”

They all laughed and the doctor took his leave.

“Buffy, what about your patrol?” Much as she liked the idea of Buffy not being at risk for a while, she knew how important Slaying was in keeping the evil around them at bay.

“Riley and the gang have got it covered, Mom, so no worries. You’ve got me all to yourself, at least until after you’re home for good.” She smiled reassuringly at her mother, wondering fleetingly if she should have also asked Spike to tag along as extra muscle.

“You know,” Joyce said as if she had read Buffy’s mind, “Spike said he’d be happy to help out any time we needed him.”

“Like we’d ever need him!” Buffy huffed.

“Buffy Anne! You know that Spike has been helpful in the past. Why, just the other day didn’t you say he had tried to help you learn what you might need to stay alive longer?” Joyce couldn’t understand why Buffy seemed so hostile to Spike given her history of teaming up with the vampire when facing her worst enemies. Why, he had even helped out before he was chipped, when Buffy had to face Angel to save the world!

Buffy sighed in frustration. She knew that Spike and her mother had some weird and totally wrong friendship, but that was between them, not her and Spike.

“He’s strong and a good fighter; you’ve said so yourself. You said he was almost as good as you. Besides, he enjoys slaying nearly as much as you do.” Really, if Joyce thought about it Spike might be the best partner Buffy could have in doing her duty. He’d be more likely to keep her from an early grave than any other option available and that made him ideal in her mind. “You really should try to get to know him, honey. He can be very sweet.”

Buffy snorted.

“He can. He’s been helpful to me, a good friend. He has also been trying really hard to change, be good.”

“He’s chipped, Mom. That doesn’t mean good.”

“The chip only keeps him from hunting and killing people.” Joyce bit her lip. There was the fly in the ointment: no way around the fact that Spike had been a killer for a long time. But it was true that he was changing, she had seen it. He merely needed some encouragement and a chance to relearn what it meant to be human.

“And that’s why I let him remain undusty,” Buffy nodded.

“But it’s more than that. You need to pay attention. You never know when you might need him as an ally, as a friend one day.” Joyce would be willing to befriend the devil himself if it bought Buffy one extra day to her life, one less painful encounter on patrol. “Surely Mr. Giles has trained you to use all the weapons you have available?”

“Yeah, but what’s that got to do with Spike?”

“Actually both Spike and Anya seem to be underused by all of you. They are both quite old and have seen and learned a lot over the years. Anya may not be a demon now, but she’s seen eons worth of information! She must be more informed than whole shelves of those books Rupert is always referring to.”

Buffy looked startled, clearly she hadn’t given Anya any more thought than she had Spike.

“Really, dear, they both have been alive a very long time under dangerous circumstances. I think they might have a lot to offer if you would only treat them the same way you do your other friends.” Pain shot through her temple as yet another headache made itself known.

Buffy noted the slight grimace that indicated another headache looming on the horizon. It would be better to get her mom home and tucked in before it began to rage. She offered up a prayer that the Doctor would snap to it quickly. “We’ll get you out of here as soon as the doctor comes back with all those papers hospitals love to generate.”

Joyce shot her a fierce growl and narrowed her eyes. “I’d rip it in half and stick it in bed with me!”

Buffy reached a shaking hand out to try to calm her mother. “Mom?” Dawn looked both startled and more than a bit frightened.

Joyce blinked, clearly confused and not aware of her outburst. “You know, I think I might take a short nap while we wait.”

Buffy motioned for Dawn to join her in the hallway. “We’ll be right outside if you need us.”  
Dawn was shaking and shooting nervous glances into her mother’s room. “What was she talking about? I mean, that was weird to a mega power.”

Buffy slipped an arm around her little sister and began to walk a short way from the opened door. “I’m sorry, the doctor told me and I should have told you. The thing that’s pressing on her brain--,”

“The tumor you mean,” Dawn broke in. Really, she wasn’t a baby!

“Yeah, the tumor. Sometimes it might make her say weird things.”

“Does she know she’s saying them?”

“I don’t think so. It’s sort of like a flash, you know.” Buffy wished she could be sure of anything. “You saw her just seconds after and she was perfectly normal.”

“So after the surgery she’ll be back to being just Mom?” Dawn sounded tiny and young.

“Yup,” Buffy crossed her fingers, “No tumor, no pressing and no headaches. Mom’ll be normal all the time. Back to giving us lectures and grounding you.”

“Buffy, I’m scared.”

‘Me too.’ Some things were better left unsaid.

~*~

Giles and the Scoobies were breathless and on an adrenaline roller coaster. It seemed that the vamps and demons had all gotten word that the Slayer was out of action and decided to come out to play. There had been far too many near misses for Giles’ liking. They were woefully out of practice. It was as bad as that horrific summer when Buffy disappeared and they had tried to hold down the fort and hold back the stream of evil always gushing from the Hellmouth.

“So…,” Xander dared give voice to what they all wondered. “Wonder where Riley is? He was supposed to meet up with us before patrol and my bruised but still manly and virile body is kinda wishing he had turned up.”

“I was there when Buffy asked him,” Willow offered. “I don’t know why he didn’t come. Maybe something important came up, you know, with Buffy and Joyce and the hospital?”

Giles shrugged. He didn’t want to destroy their illusions, but he had noted a lack of dedication from Riley Finn of late that was disconcerting. “Perhaps we should brush up on our own skills rather than count on his assistance. As Willow pointed out, he does have other obligations. I’m sure he had his reasons not to join us.” The boy was proving to be a singular disappointment.

“Yeah, and…hey! I completely dusted two vamps all by myself!” Willow was proud of her accomplishment, even though it had scared her witless while it was happening. “Go me!”

“Yup, go you and now we all go,” Xander teased and took Anya’s arm, leading them all from the cemetery.

~*~

Riley sank closer to the vampire who was blissfully sucking on his arm. She wasn’t much to look at. In fact, he would rather not look at her at all and just pretend all those feelings were coming some other way. Feeling her pull on his very life essence as if he alone provided for her did something powerful to him. It was addictive, seductive. Not that he wanted sex with her. She was a vampire after all, and Riley Finn didn’t get off with things!

The vampire purred in pleasure and resumed her feeding. She squirmed suggestively, clearly getting more than a meal from the relationship. If Riley were to tell the truth, he could feel the pull on his blood all the way to his dick. It was almost like oral sex without the orgasm. He was the center of her entire concentration, the most important being in the whole world to this one vampire as long as she was feeding on him. It was wonderful!

He’d stumbled onto the warehouse with its vamp whores a few weeks before and nearly burned it to the ground. He’d been fascinated at the idea of Vampires feeding without killing and victims offering themselves up for the taking. He had to see why for himself. Now he understood. Now he was a regular.

When Buffy was still his, when she wanted him as much as he wanted her, he hadn’t needed anything like this perversion. He would never have slid this far. He knew he shouldn’t blame Buffy, and he didn’t really. No, he really didn’t! It was just that a man had needs.

~*~

Willow spotted the meteorite first. She and Tara had been playing a game of “name the constellations” when it appeared out of the eastern sky and streaked to the ground not far from the rooftop where they lay.

By the time the gang had all been summoned and Riley finally answered the call to join them, whatever had been in the hollow casing had long fled, leaving a corpse in its wake.

Riley grinned at Xander, ready for action. He was a satisfied man, once more in his element leading the good people into battle. “I’m glad you called me in on this.” Funny how blood loss seemed to increase his energy, his clarity.

Xander raised an eyebrow. He was still miffed at Riley’s absence earlier. “Glad you answered.” If he had been expecting either a sincere apology or an explanation, he was to be disappointed.

“Oh, yeah, I’m sorry I missed that. I heard you had some fun.” Riley barely looked at any of them.

Xander liked, even admired, the guy, but right now he’d love to smack him a good one! “Oh, yeah, fun was had by all. Also frolic, merriment, near dismemberment and all kinds of near-death hijinks.”

The sarcasm didn’t even register with Riley, nor the veiled criticism. He was a man on a mission. He had already mentally dismissed the group of civilians and was thinking of who to call first.

The corpse was human and its condition was chilling in appearances and implication.

“So who votes research?” Xander was grossed out at the dead body, more than a bit frightened at the idea of invaders from space and still aching from the earlier patrol.

Everyone except Riley raised their hands and agreed their best line of defense likely rested between the dusty covers of heavy tomes.

“Yeah, you guys go on and do that and I’ll poke around here some more, gather samples, examine the body some more. There might be other cases like this and you are all used to looking for needles in haystacks.” His words were clearly intended to soothe any still hurting egos. “I’m just not great at research. I do like a good crime scene though.”

Giles offered to help if needed, but Riley assured him he had it covered. “Call me if you learn anything.”

“You got it,” Willow promised. “Why is it I don’t think it’ll be a cute bug-eyed alien who likes to play dress up with little girls and eat Reese’s Pieces?”

“It’s never one of those kind in real life, is it?” Tara agreed with a nod.

“As long as it isn’t fluffy with a cotton tail,” Anya shuddered.

“I don’t think anything fuzzy did that to the poor dead man,” Tara offered.

“Don’t be so sure,” Anya replied.

Riley didn’t wait long after they left to make his call for backup. It was like old times, only better equipped.

The helicopter arrived mere minutes after the call. Obviously, the Initiative was a bit less than cemented over and not that far away from Sunnydale, in spite of the political assurances otherwise. Good thing Giles had already vacated the area.

“Major Ellis.” The black clad officer offered Riley his hand. “I’m in charge of this op. What’s the status? Just one civilian casualty?” He started to kneel at the side of the dead man.

“I wouldn’t touch that stuff in his mouth if I were you. It’s messy, some kind of protein alkaloid.” Riley was in his element.

They all looked at the vial that Finn had collected.

“This fit the profile of any Sub-T you’re familiar with?” Ellis knew Riley’s background from the briefing during flight.

“Not SUB terrestrial, Major, EXTRA terrestrial,” He pointed to the trench and the hollow device that had made it. “It came out of that.”

“Alright,” Ellis said, nonplussed. “Set the trackers for a protein signature.”

“The alkaloid seems to be breaking down at an accelerated rate, so we may lose the trail quickly.” Riley offered another plan. “This thing came from space, so there’s gotta be some radiation. There shouldn’t be too much background gamma noise out here.”

Ellis was impressed. “Excellent, soldier! We have Geiger counters in the packs. Gentlemen, break ‘em out.”

~*~

Getting their mother home wasn’t as difficult as Buffy had feared. The doctor’s instructions were pretty clear and her mom only had a couple more outbursts of the crazy. It hadn’t helped that the last blast from Joyce had been to pull away from Dawn and yell at her to keep away. Being called a thing, a shadow, by her own mother had to sting, even if mom was ill. ‘Poor kid.’

There had also been a mental patient who accosted Dawn as they were checking out. He too had called her a thing and it clearly rattled the girl. Keeping the truth from her little sister wasn’t as easy as it had sounded when she and Giles had decided it was for the best.

Somewhere in the house, evil lurked. Buffy was too preoccupied by worry to even register its presence as she gave into the tears. Spike lurked too, but Buffy was as unaware of him as of the space demon that had its gimlet eyes on her mother as she lay staring at the horror that was, for once, outside her own head.

~*~

It was only natural that Willow be the one to find the first clue. “I’ve found some stuff on hollow meteors going back to the twelfth century. They refer to it as the Queller Impact in Iceland.”

Xander became excited. For once, he had something to add to what Willow had discovered. “Oh! Oh! Here!” He flipped pages rapidly. “Queller…here it is. It says here that ancient people thought the moon caused insanity and so they prayed to the moon to send a special meteor to fix the problem that the moon had caused. The meteors were supposed to quell the madmen!”  
Tara suddenly remembered where she had seen the dead man before! He was a mental patient who had accosted Dawn on the street a few weeks earlier. “The man in the woods was a mental patient. I remember him.”

The more they read, the more they saw their current phenomena was likely the same thing. “So,” Xander asked the important question, “Who summoned it?”

Giles took off his glasses, “We should inform Riley.”

Not only was the call not a total surprise, but Riley and his team had already traced the demon to the hospital where the psychiatric ward had been decimated. All five patients were dead with a look of horror on their faces.

“So that thing, the Queller, is it still there?” Willow was glad that Mrs. Summers had been sent home earlier.

“Yeah, we’ve got it cornered in the air ducts,” Riley reassured her only to be tapped on the shoulder by Major Ellis. “Hey, Willow, you guys keep on doing what you’re doing and call me when you figure out how I can kill this thing. Gotta go.”

The team were in the parking lot of the hospital preparing to set up a perimeter for a final search.

“The trail stops here at the edge of the parking lot.”

Riley looked up searching the horizon, “A car. It hitched a ride probably underneath,” he sounded disgusted. “So much for containment.”

“So some patient checks out of here today and drives away with this thing. Took it right to his own home,” Ellis speculated.

Riley looked up in alarm, “I know where it’s going! We’ve gotta move now!”

~*~

No speculation was needed at the anything but restful Summers house. Joyce had been raving at the thing for what seemed like forever. Buffy missed hearing most of it as she cried her way through the dinner dishes. It was Dawn who finally worked up the courage and crept into her mom’s room preparing for the worst only to be greeted by a sight so far more into the worst category that all she could do was scream.

“Buffy!!!” Dawn valiantly picked up everything in reach and bashed at the unspeakable creature hovering over her terrified mother.

Buffy heard the cry and rushed into a scene of chaos, another typical night in Sunnydale. “You guys stay in here and don’t leave this room.”

Soon it was finally a situation Buffy was all too familiar with, mano y mano between Slayer and demon as the furniture in her home took yet another beating. She had grabbed a large knife from the rack in the kitchen as she moved swiftly in hunt mode.

The basement door popped open and she swung in alarm, knife raised only to see a startled Spike coming up from her basement. No time to wonder about that intrusion just now, she was merely glad to see someone who might help.

“You hear a noise?” Spike had heard Joyce and risked Buffy finding out about his nightly habits rooting through her basement.

“What the hell are you doing in my house?,” She wasn’t nearly as perturbed as she sounded. She noticed him try to slip what looked like photos in his pocket. “You’re stealing?”

“Can’t exactly work the counter at Burger Barn, can I? ‘Sides, your mum lets me borrow junk you aren’t using.” He looked a bit nervous but suspected Joyce would back him up.

Buffy rolled her eyes and tabled that discussion for later, much later, as she spied something slithering out of the corner of her eye. The Queller leapt straight at Spike, knocking him to the ground and the knife from Buffy’s hand.

“Crap!” Buffy fumbled for the knife, but before she could grasp it, the Queller was on her, slamming her into the wall.

Spike spotted the knife and gave a yell, “Buffy!” throwing the knife with accuracy and no doubt of the Slayer catching it.

He wrenched the beastie’s neck in a killer clinch as Buffy thrust the knife again and again into its soft body. Neither knew which actually killed the demon, but the important thing was that it lay dead atop the Slayer.

Spike held out a hand and helped Buffy to her feet just as the door burst open and the room broke into Commando Central with yelled orders and much confusion.

Riley spotted Spike immediately and glared at him in fury. Turning to Buffy, he noticed her mussed appearance. “You okay?”

She knew it wasn’t fair, but seeing the cavalry arrive after the battle was already won only served to irritate her. She didn’t answer, merely shot him a frown and rushed upstairs to her mother and sister.

Spike smirked at the useless soldier. “You just missed a real nice time.”

Riley grabbed Spike by the throat and shoved him against the wall. “I think it’s time you left, Spike. You’re not needed here.”

“Looks like you’re the third wheel here, Dudley,” Spike sneered. “Not to worry, Slayer and I got it under control. Nearest and dearest are fine.”

Finn released him abruptly and pivoted out the door, following the commandos who were removing the body to take in for examination. “I mean it, Spike, you need to leave.”

“I got a welcome here AND I’m not useless when the Slayer needs me the most.” Spike scored a direct hit. “Maybe I’m not the one needing to move on.”

Far above the testosterone fields, the three Summers merely held each other in relief that they had all lived yet another day together.

“Did I hear Spike and Riley?” Joyce was back to her clear-headed self at the moment.

“Um, yeah. Seems Spike was shopping in our basement at just the right time,” Buffy gave her mom a sharp look.

“I did tell him to help himself to any odds and ends we aren’t using. Looks like he was as handy to have around as I said earlier.” Joyce smiled.

Buffy remembered how well they had moved together, bringing the fight to a rapid conclusion with minimal damage to either of them. They hadn’t done a great deal of sparring together, but when they had, it seemed effortless to anticipate each other’s moves. Maybe working out a bit with Spike could have its advantages, hone her skills. He was the best opponent she had ever faced after all. She didn’t want another DiscoVamp using her own stake on her again. “He has his uses.”

“I hope you do more than use him, honey, I hope you make an ally of him.” She cupped Buffy’s face gently. “I just want you to have a long and happy life. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. You’re strong and clever, but not invulnerable. You have the unique chance to have someone at your side helping in the fight who has skills like you do and I’m hoping you’ll take it.”

Buffy could see her sincerity and knew that her mom had been giving this plenty of thought. Maybe there was more to Spike than she had given credit to in the past. He seemed to actually like her mother and sister. Who knew, maybe something could be worked out. There were worse things than having a fighting partner who she didn’t have to watch out for and let herself be distracted by protecting. She’d sleep on it.

“Plenty of time to worry about that when I’m done with this vacation from Slaying,” she smiled. “As for you…I seem to remember you promising the doctor that you’d actually get rest, so it’s under the covers for you.”

She didn’t even consider checking to see if the vampire in question remained in the house. For some reason, the idea of him downstairs was oddly comforting. Besides, he seemed to know his way around well enough to leave when he was ready. It looked like the friendship between Spike and her mom was more than Buffy had already guessed, given his running tame in her home. Buffy was pretty sure the odds and ends Joyce had offered weren’t the family photos she had seen him pocket earlier, but that was a mystery for another day.

~*~

Riley thought about the latest offer to rejoin his old unit and actually began to weigh his options. Buffy hadn’t even thanked him for showing up when he did. What exactly was it that held him there in this small miserable town anyway?

He’d suspected for a long while that she didn’t love him, not like he loved her anyway. She sure as hell didn’t seem to need him. She didn’t listen to his warnings about that Hostile she’d been letting around her and her family and friends. Hell, she’d protected Seventeen back when she knew that he was actively searching for him last year. It was beginning to look like Buffy had more than one vampire taking up a place in her life and maybe heart that should have been his alone. “Damn!” He smashed a fist against a tree in frustration. “So why am I here again?”

He hadn’t noticed Graham remaining behind when the team had piled into the ‘copter. “That’s what I’ve been wondering. So, brother, ready to come home?”

~*~

The calm after the storm passed and soon they were back at the hospital getting ready to prep Joyce for surgery. “Don’t worry about a thing, Mom, I’ve got it all covered.”

Joyce smiled. “I know you do, sweetheart.” Dawn had already left the room so her elder sister could receive the marching orders of the day from the head of the family. “Buffy….” Joyce cleared her throat not certain how or if she should broach the subject that had been bothering her for days. “I’m going to ask something that’ll sound kind of crazy. Well…crazier than even the usual stuff lately. If it’s part of this current mess and just part of my illness, you’ll tell me, right?”

“Of course, Mom.” Buffy was worried. Just what kind of damage had that growth caused?

“The other day, when I was pretty out of it, I had this dream. Well, not a dream, but more like this knowledge from nowhere, like a light switched on and I could see the truth.” She was nervous, hoping that what she would say would make some kind of sense. It was so hard to put into words what she had experienced, what she knew without understanding.

“What, Mom?”

“It’s about Dawn.” Buffy’s eyes widened and Joyce could tell by the look on her face that it wasn’t all in her imagination or part of the madness, so she ventured further. “She’s not mine, is she?”

Buffy bit her lip, unsure of what to say or do. Finally she decided that she owed her mother the truth at the very least. It must be hell to not know what was real and what wasn’t without her withholding the reassurance that more was at play than a brain tumor. “No, she’s not.”

Joyce gave that some thought and nodded her head. There would be time enough for the full story later if she made it through surgery. If not, she had to settle a few things and then let it go for now. “But she DOES belong to us though. She’s important, not just to us, but the world. Precious.” She grasped Buffy’s hand, “As precious as you are to me.”

Buffy nodded in agreement but offered not a word. Her mom was pretty amazing really, being able to take things so calmly now that she had finally accepted the weird world they lived in.  
“Then we have to take care of her.” She was resolute, “Buffy, you have to promise me that if anything happens, if I don’t make it….”

Buffy was horrified. “NO, Mom! You’re gonna be fine. Don’t even talk like that.”

“No, listen to me, I have to make sure you know how I feel. No matter what she is, who she is, she still feels like my daughter. I have to know that you’ll take care of her, keep her safe. I need you to love her like I love you.” She looked imploringly into Buffy’s eyes, willing her to feel all that she was feeling for them both at this moment. “Please promise me.”

“I promise.” It was not hard. Buffy had all those memories and feelings so deep in her that it was impossible to know which were implanted and which had just developed on their own. She loved Dawn.

“Good. Good.” Joyce hugged her eldest and relaxed. “My sweet, brave Buffy, what would I do without you?”

Buffy felt the same for her mother and hoped she’d not have to find out. She was her rock and Buffy feared the crashing waves of her life without her mother there to grasp hold of. She wasn’t sure she could make it if things didn’t go well with the surgery. “Well, you won’t need to find out.”

Too soon the gurney was pushed down the hall and out of view, leaving Buffy feeling like she was five again and oh so alone. The phrase ‘nothing left but a prayer,’ hit her like a six hundred pound Griglox and the tears began to make a trail down her face. Her mom had to be okay, the Powers owed her that much.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More borrowed bits of dialogue from Into the Woods (written by Marti Noxon), Triangle (written by Jane Espenson) also “Checkpoint” (written by Jane Espenson and Doug Petrie); “Blood Ties” (written by Steven DeKnight). Buffy’s birthday is January 19, 1981, according to Joss, even though “Blood Ties” aired Feb. 6th.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 4  
A/N Into the Woods (written by Marti Noxon), Triangle (written by Jane Espenson)  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Buffy’s relief over the success of the operation left her nearly weak in the knees. Riley held her close and kissed her forehead. “You were incredible.”

“Not really, I was so scared and I cried so hard I didn’t think I’d ever stop.”

Riley looked puzzled. Buffy had cried? When had that happened? He edged Buffy closer to the edge of the bed tenderly. He’d waited so long to have her to himself again and didn’t want to wait a minute longer.

“I was a regular watering pot,” Buffy ducked her head. “I think I kinda scared Spike.” She giggled. “Don’t think he’s used to females weeping about anything except to beg for their lives.”

“Spike saw you cry?” That was just the last straw! Riley was going to get rid of that creep at long last.

“He saw and he awkwardly offered a shoulder that I made totally soggy,” Buffy laughed at the memory. Spike had been so relieved when she had told him the surgery was a success. There was no denial that the vampire was sincere in his caring either. Like her mom had said, he could be kind of sweet after all.

Buffy didn’t notice Riley’s ire and wrapped her arms around him as they settled on her bed. There was nothing more life affirming than sex and right now she was all about the affirming of life!

~*~ 

Spike couldn’t figure out just when he’d become a masochist. He spent night after night under the sodding tree just listening to Buffy sleep, the Summers family enjoying each other’s company, Buffy showering, Buffy crying, Buffy having sex with the great lout of a boyfriend who hadn’t troubled to be there for her when she most needed it. The frustration was slowly driving him as bonkers as Dru. He crushed his latest cigarette, adding its butt to the small pile accumulating and mentally promised to clean it up before the Slayer got wise and came out with stake swinging.

Actually, Buffy had been a bit nicer to him of late. Spike wasn’t sure what to make of that, but he took what he was offered. “Bit off her game with Joyce sick,” he figured.

He glared up at the bedroom window. Finn hadn’t been there all that long and they were finished already. Boy must have been feeling almost a virgin again since it had been so long. He could hear the soft snores and snuffles of Buffy, but could tell from the little noises that Riley was not enjoying post-coital unconsciousness.

Spike had just decided to pack it in for the night and go back to the crypt for a bit of liquid comfort and a sad wank when Finn came out the front door. Spike slid behind the tree out of view. Wouldn’t do to be caught watching. Judging from the look on Finn’s face it wouldn’t be good being caught doing anything close to Buffy or her house. He decided to follow the boy from a safe distance. 

Something was just off about the whole thing. He’d heard all the whining about wanting ‘me time’ with Buffy, but now that the berk had her to himself, he was haunting the dark alleys of Sunnydale. Something was definitely rotten in Denmark.

The ex-soldier headed straight for a rundown warehouse on a side of town that gave even Spike pause. Spike frowned and tried to remember what he knew about this nest. He had a feeling Finn wasn’t on a kill mission.

~*~ 

Joyce settled back on the couch as Buffy put another movie in the DVD player. “You don’t have to keep me company all night. Go out and have some fun. Doesn’t Riley want to take you to a movie or something?

Buffy frowned. As much as Riley had complained about her lack of attention the past few agonizing weeks, he hadn’t exactly been around as much as she had expected now that she had some free time. He’d jumped at her suggestion of her staying home with her mom without a complaint. “I gave Riley the day off. Told him to make plans with his friends because I want to have you all to myself, okay?” She smiled at her happily, just glad her mom was still there to hang around with. “Besides, I can see him any time.”

Joyce mulled that over. She was almost certain that Buffy’s heart wasn’t engaged, no matter how she seemed to want it to be. Riley was likely Buffy’s rebound guy. He was the first boy after Angel to try to carve a place in her heart. There were some similarities to Angel that Joyce noticed from the first but hadn’t given voice to her thoughts. Better to let Buffy sort out her heart for herself. She had already interfered once and all it seemed to do was cause her daughter hurt.

“Still, I don’t want you cooped up inside with the recovering patient. You’re young, you need to enjoy life.”

“I am. I do.” Buffy sat next to her mom and pushed play. “And right now I’m enjoying watching ‘O Brother Where Art Thou’ with you. Who could ask for more? You, me, popcorn and George Clooney!”

Joyce laughed and took a handful of popcorn. “Who indeed?”

Joyce rather hoped that Buffy wasn’t too attached to Riley. She had noticed so many hints that he was beginning to look elsewhere than her daughter. She had ignored those signs with Hank but they were clearly there in the younger man. Buffy deserved better, someone loyal who would be true-blue no matter what. Someone who put her needs over his own and understood that she had very important things in her life beyond just making some man happy. She ran a fond hand through Buffy’s hair and smiled in contentment. At least she’d be around to help pick up the pieces if it did go badly.

~*~ 

Buffy woke as soon as she heard the door open. “Riley?” she whispered. She wasn’t too comfortable with him slipping into her room while her mom was home. She knew that Joyce realized they were having sex, but it didn’t feel right with her mom just on the other side of the wall! She would have to talk to him about that.

A soft, deep voice that was clearly not Riley’s spoke. “It’s me.”

Buffy shot up, clutching the covers to her. “Spike! What in the hell are you doing in my room in the middle of the night?! You’d better have a really good reason why I shouldn’t just stake you.”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have a good reason. I’m here to help, even if you never seem to get that.”

Buffy snorted. He was acting rather nervous and cagey. Clearly something was up.

Spike had wrestled with how best to clue Buffy in on Riley’s new dangerous habit. He was fairly certain she wouldn’t believe him if he just told her, wouldn’t get how important it was that she put a stop to it without seeing for herself. “I wanna show you something.”

Buffy could hear the gravity of his voice. “What?”

“No, you need to see it for yourself. But we need to get a move on if we want to get there in time.” 

“You need to turn around, ‘cause there’s nothing for YOU to see here,” Buffy warned.

It was a measure of his awareness that he was on thin ice that he avoided trying to sneak a peek as Buffy slipped out of bed and headed for the closet to change for the secret mission. “As if!” His denial of interest sounded false even to his own ears.

“Is this about Dawn? Did she sneak out again? I swear I’ll kill her if she has,” Buffy whispered.

“Kid sis’s tucked away safe and sound in her room, snoring loud enough to wake the dead.”

“Yeah, like you care,” Buffy tossed over her shoulder as she slipped on her boots.

“Course I care about the Bit. She’s the only one of you lot that’s nice to me ‘sides your mum.” Spike was genuinely affronted. He knew that Buffy doubted his gentler emotions, but he knew how to care for those he loved. One day she’d have to see the truth of that.

Buffy felt a jolt of guilt when she heard the slight hurt in his voice. She really did see that he cared for her mom and little sister…for some unexplainable reason. It wasn’t right to taunt him, mom was right about that. He’d been very helpful lately, covering for her or coming along on patrols while her mom healed, listening to her fears when they overflowed from her heart and poured out her mouth. 

“You still need to learn boundries, Spike. Like, this is my room, as in you don’t just pop up in here like you’re a member of this household. Got it?” She reached for her weapons bag. If he had risked at least a beating to confront her this way, the problem must be a big one.  
“Noted. Don’t think you’ll need the hardware, but better safe,” he admitted. 

~*~

She was numb. Buffy had no idea how she felt or if she felt at all. It was like waking up in another universe and that was something she didn’t want to test out in reality.

She couldn’t scrub the image from her mind of Riley with a look of satiated passion while an ugly, skinny vamp-ho was fangs-deep in his arm. He hadn’t even said much to her when he looked up and saw them in the doorway. Merely continued to let the vamp suck away.

She’d been too shocked by all that she’d seen, especially her ‘too busy to drop by tonight’ boyfriend to even think of slaying the many vampires plying their trade in the ruins of the warehouse. 

Now that the initial shock was wearing off, she began to feel the burn of anger. At Riley first and foremost, but also Spike, who had forced her to see what Riley was doing. “I just know the jerk loved every minute of showing me.”

“What’s that, dear?” Joyce had noted Buffy’s mood and wondered just what had lit the fuse she could see burning hot and strong.

Gone were the days when Buffy felt the need to protect her mother from the unseemly parts of her life. It was nice to have someone to talk to, someone who just listened without judging.  
Buffy shared all her pain and anger over multiple cups of coffee. She was more than a bit surprised when her mother got up and brought down a bottle of whiskey, pouring a generous shot into Buffy’s mug. “You look like you could use this, not that I condone using alcohol as a crutch on a regular basis. Been there, done that, got the tee-shirt and had nothing but hurt to show for it.”

Joyce had been shocked to learn about the vampire business with the paid drinking of blood, but not as surprised to hear about Riley’s involvement with them. Riley had seemed to be teetering on the edge of something for quite a while. Joyce had expected a typical affair, but then neither Riley nor Buffy were exactly typical and this was much the same in the long run.

“… and I’m sure he got off on seeing me hurt like that! I had just started to trust him a little too,” Buffy was continuing, but Joyce had missed the first part.

“Trust who, dear, Riley? I thought you have a long while now.”

“Not Riley! Of course I trusted him! I was talking about Spike.”

Joyce could see that Buffy was looking at shooting the messenger in an attempt to deflect some of her anger at the real culprit.

“Honey, you should probably be grateful that Spike let you know what was going on.” Buffy snorted but Joyce sallied forward anyway. “Just think of what might have happened.”

“I could have stayed in blissful ignorance and been happy?”

“No, we could all be dead or you might have had to kill Riley.”

Buffy frowned, not liking either scenario. “How do you figure that?”

“Well, had it gone on too long and gone too far, he might have been turned. You know that you’d invite him in without question, Buffy.”

“I would have staked him as soon as the bumpies came out,” Buffy replied defensively.

“And if he’d shown up while you weren’t here? What if it were Dawn or me who opened the door?” Buffy shuddered at the thought. “You know that could easily have happened. He was flirting with danger by going to those vampires. It’s no stretch of the imagination to see how bad it could have been and we would have been none the wiser until far too late.”

Buffy couldn’t argue but stubbornly held on to her anger at Spike. “Still, Spike could have just told me. Mom, it was terrible to have to actually see it happening, and in front of Spike too.”

“Would you have believed him?”

Buffy had to admit that she probably wouldn’t have. Joyce could see the knowledge register on her face.

“He knows you too well to have simply told you. Buffy, he’s a vampire and knows better than anyone the dangers of what Riley was doing. He showed you because he cares about you and has particularly good insight where your reactions are concerned.”

“You think Spike knows me that well?”

“I seem to recall last summer when you were quite angry at how well he knows all of you. Didn’t you nearly stake him for using that ability to drive a wedge between all of you?”

“Yeah. He has always seemed to really get me especially.”

“He pays attention. Takes the time to listen and observe. I don’t doubt it’s one talent that has helped keep him existing this long.” Joyce thought about that a bit, then continued, “What do you really know about him though? Do you pay attention to how he thinks and what he feels?”

“A, not much, and B, he can’t, ‘cause he’s a demon.” Buffy immediately countered.

Joyce laughed at her daughter’s knee jerk reaction. “Actually, he has a fine mind and is well educated.”

“He sell you a bridge with that one?”

“He didn’t sell a thing. Some things slip in conversations. He’s never come out and said anything, but it’s obvious he had a fine education and he’s continued learning over the years since.” She ignored Buffy’s look of skepticism and continued, “As for him feeling … well, Buffy, you’d have to be blind not to see that. He wears his heart on his sleeve. Every emotion--and he has plenty of those--shows in his eyes.”

Buffy didn’t want to admit a bit of it, even though she knew there was truth in what her mom was saying. 

“Haven’t you ever noticed that he gets particularity nasty and lashes out most when his feelings have been hurt? I’ve seen it dozens of times when you and your friends have said unkind things to him. It’s his only way to fight back.”

“I still think he loved every minute of my pain there in that warehouse,” Buffy insisted.

“Oh, I doubt that, honey. If Spike wanted to see your pain, he would have kept silent and waited for you to have to stake Riley when he became a vampire.”

Great! More stuff for Buffy to have to think about while trying to get some sleep.

~*~ 

The next shock came when Giles showed himself completely aware of vampire suck houses, as did Anya. The ex-demon was proving to be as filled with knowledge as Buffy’s mother had suggested. Now if Anya would just start to share a bit, they could all benefit. Then again, when she had tried in the past they had all shut her down. 

Giles and Xander had gone along when Buffy had burned the warehouse down and staked the vamps doing business there.

She was kind of glad that Xander hadn’t demanded an explanation when Buffy had flamed at his suggestion they wait until Riley could join in the mission. She’d been too humiliated to explain to her Watcher or friends why Riley Finn was persona non grata anywhere around her.  
Sooner or later, she’d have to tell them. Her love life was once more at a crashing halt. It surprised her how the biggest hurt was to her pride. Her heart seemed curiously unharmed. Buffy chewed that over. She would have expected to feel heartbreak along the lines of watching Angel turn and leave at graduation, but she didn’t, not even a bit. She was insulted and angry. She was also a bit relieved, as if somewhere deep inside she knew they were going no place with the relationship.

It was almost funny to realize that Xander was likely to take the news harder than she had herself.

Riley knew though. He hadn’t been around. They hadn’t spoken, but she knew that he was fully aware that they were over. It had been in his eyes as he looked at her over the head of his vamp ho in that dump. He had no one but himself to blame.

~*~

“It was all Spike’s fault,” Riley raged as he stalked over to the crypt.

Spike seemed to be expecting him. He sat in his armchair holding a bottle of whiskey and looking resigned. He sighed as Riley burst in. “Does no one knock anymore?” He raised an eyebrow at the intruder, “Took you a bit longer than I expected. Takes a while to get back your strength after all those bites.” He eyed the clenched left fist and noted the right fist headed his way as Riley grabbed him and pulled him from the chair, slamming him into a wall.

“Look, I’m not the one who got you into trouble with your honey. You’re the one didn’t treasure what you had, then decided to roll in the dirt with that lot. Don’t kill the messenger.”

Riley growled, pulled back his arm and slammed a stake into Spike’s heart. ”Why the hell not?”

Spike flinched as the pain shot through him. “Bloody hell! Oh, God!” Then he noticed that he hadn’t dusted and looked closer at the stake that Riley pulled back out of him while he desperately held his chest as the pain seared through him. The stake looked and felt real enough, but something was wrong.

Riley gave a rather sinister laugh. “Plastic wood grain design. Looks real, doesn’t it? He slammed Spike back against the wall again. “Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on with you, Spike. You stay away from her or we’ll do this with the real thing the next time.” He patted Spike on the cheek and started to walk away.

Spike swayed from the pain and moved to his chair, still holding his chest. He gave a snort of laughter. “Oh, man! You are really under it, aren’t you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Look at you, all afraid I’m hot for your honey.”

“You are.”

“But that’s not your problem. Even if I wasn’t in the picture, you’re never gonna be able to hold onto Buffy.

Riley shoved Spike down into the chair, his hand on Spike’s own, pushing into the wound and causing Spike to grimace in pain. “Bloody hell! Come on, you’re not the long haul guy and you know it or you wouldn’t be getting suck jobs from two-bit vampire trulls.” He reached for his bottle and uncorked it with his teeth, taking a long pull on the contents. “Girl needs more than you can give her. Needs a bit of monster in her man. She may not like it or even realize it yet, but she does. Regular fella like you’s just not up for the job.”

Riley glared at him. “You actually think you’ve got a shot with her?” His snort of laughter said what his opinion was about it.

Spike looked in more than physical pain. “No, I don’t, but gotta try though, do what I can.”

“If you touch her, you know I’d kill you for real.”

“Yeah, and if I’d had this chip out of my head, I’d-a killed you long time ago. Ain’t love grand?” Spike groaned and took another deep drink from the bottle. “Sometimes I envy you so much it chokes me. And then sometimes I think I’ve got the better deal.” He sighed with a hint of desperate longing. “To be that close to her and not really have her. To be all alone even when you’re holding her, feeling her surrounding you….” He shook his head. “No, you’ve got the better deal.”

“I’m dead serious, Spike. Leave Buffy alone.”

“Like you’ve done too many nights lately?”

~*~ 

She’d been right; Xander hadn’t taken it well at all. “See, I think you got burned by Angel and then Riley shows up.”

“I do know the story, Xan.”

“Yeah, but you missed the point. You’ve shut down, Buffy. You’re treating Riley like he’s just the rebound guy. He’s the kind of guy that only shows up once in a lifetime.”

“Sounds like you want him yourself,” Buffy said with narrowed eyes.

Xander sputtered. “No way! But I have eyes. He’s never held back a thing from you, he’s risked everything, and you’re willing to let him walk?”

Buffy thought about that for a minute. Riley had walked away from the Initiative, but then again, he had other reasons besides just doing it for her. As for holding back…well, they both did a lot of that. For some reason, the whole ‘rebound guy’ thing seemed to fit in a way that made Buffy more than a bit uncomfortable. Is that all Riley had been? A way station to the next real thing after Angel? A band-aid over the Angel-sized hole in her heart?

Xander was still pleading Riley’s case. “Look, if he isn’t the guy, if he isn’t the one and you just can’t give him what he needs, then you need to let him go. Break his heart with a clean break. But if you do love this guy even a little--I mean the real thing, messy and all--then think about what you stand to lose.”

Buffy was still thinking about that when Riley entered. “We need to talk.”

She felt pretty talked out, thank you very much. “I’m not ready to talk to you yet.”

“Too bad.” Riley motioned to the back room, away from the audience.

Buffy glared at him. Did no one listen to her anymore? “I’m serious, I don’t want to deal with this just now unless you want to fight.”

“So let’s fight. We need to have this out, Buffy, right now.”

“Nothing you say will make what you did any better. You risked all of us because…what…I didn’t fill all your needs?”

“Hey, I know I screwed up, but it’s over now. I just need you to hear me out. I think some of it started after you stopped needing me after last summer. Then Dracula showed up and you followed him like he was the best thing ever.” He caught her angry look and backed off a bit. “Okay, it was stupid and immature of me, but seeing how you let him bite you, I wanted to even things up.”

“I didn’t LET Dracula bite me, you idiot!” Buffy huffed.

“I do know that on some level, but just seeing the scar…scars…on your neck. Buffy, it wasn’t just Dracula or one bite. I wanted to know why Dracula and Angel have so much power over you.”  
She rolled her eyes in frustration. “You just don’t get it!”

He nodded his head in agreement. “That’s just it. I wanted to get it, Buffy. I wanted to get you.”

She was livid. “So this is all my fault? Buffy’s been bitten by vampires. I think I’ll go out and risk getting turned, let some ho--”

Riley took her by the shoulders. “No. I’m not saying it’s your fault. I hate like hell that I’ve hurt you, disappointed you. It’s just these girls, they made me feel something, Buffy. Something I didn’t even know I was missing until…”

“I really don’t want to hear this.” She was more disgusted than she wanted to show and more hurt. “Fine, tell me about your whores. Tell me what on earth they gave you that I didn’t.” She had heard the same words from her mother directed at her father not all that long ago. Deja vu was not a pretty, happy, puppy-filled land.

“They needed me. It wasn’t about money, even though I did pay. It was about me. My blood, my body, my life force. When they bit me…,” To his shame, even he could hear the yearning in his voice. “It was beyond passion. They wanted to devour me, all of me. I craved it and kept gong back. They made me feel like they had such a hunger for me…ME.”

“And I didn’t make you feel like I needed you? God, Riley I’ve needed you more than ever these past few weeks and you’ve hardly been there for me at all. You aren’t a passion to them; you’re a snack!”

Riley was angry. “No, I know exactly what they feel when they bite me, because I feel it every time we’re together. Like the whole world falls away and all there is is you.”

Buffy was silent. She wished she could say the same, or close to it. The truth was that while the sex was good, it wasn’t life-changing like he was making it sound like it was for him. 

“You keep me at a distance, Buff. You didn’t even call me when your mom went into the hospital.”

She was stunned at his lack of understanding. “So sorry that I couldn’t take care of you and your feelings and needs when I thought my mother might be dying.”

“You just don’t need me and you make that clear. You have to tough it out alone, be the strong one.”

“That’s part of being a Slayer is.” Her mind suddenly snapped to the real issue. “That’s what this is really all about, isn’t it? You can’t handle the fact that I’m stronger than you?”

“Sometimes. I’ll admit it’s hard sometimes, yeah. But it’s more than that. You say the right words, but Buffy, I just don’t feel it.”

They stared across the large, deep gulf of hurt in silence for a while. She couldn’t reassure him of a love she realized she didn’t feel and he couldn’t undo the hurt he had caused.

“They want me back in the military. It’s deep undercover, no contact with civilians. The transport is leaving tonight.”

“When were you going to tell me?”

“I’m telling you now. If we can’t work this out…”

Buffy blinked in amazement. He was asking for her to just give a blanket pardon? Forget her feelings, forget the very real danger he’d put her in by his choices, forget the problems they clearly needed to work through before any reconciliation could be possible and he was wanting her to just leap?

“So that’s it then. This is goodbye?” Riley shrugged and Buffy saw red. It was so like Angel making all of their decisions as a couple by himself, for himself. “You’re unbelievable! You come in here and make excuses then give me an ultimatum?”

“I came to work things out, to explain. But unless you give me a reason to stay, I’m leaving tonight.”

“Don’t let the door hit you.”

~*~ 

The next few weeks were a blur of emotions. Buffy alternated from anger to feelings of inadequacy. Joyce tried to convince her that she had done the right thing. That there was better for her out there than Riley. That real men don’t cheat or knowingly place those they love in danger. Most of it sank in.

Still, Buffy was completely tired of seeing the backside of the men in her life. In the end, they all just turned and walked away. 

Spike continued to patrol with her, even though Buffy was back to normal. He never mentioned Riley and Buffy figured he knew that Finn had left. She was glad Spike hadn’t decided to rub that in.

Giles had headed to London to try to get any information the Council might have on Glory and Willow and Anya were behaving like complete brats, sniping at each other continually.

The whole thing had led to them releasing a large, dangerous troll loose on the town. That was followed by more than a bit of property damage and a few people making the local hospital a bit richer. Buffy wished she could say there had been anything to gain from the whole incident, but aside from a nifty troll hammer and the realization that Anya was a whole lot scarier than they all thought, there wasn’t much to show for it.

Xander seemed a bit bemused to realize he was only Anya’s second serious long-term relationship and a bit grateful that he had never angered her enough to turn him into something large and ugly like she had Olaf. It was worth remembering. He’d made it a point to be a bit nicer to the love of his life and a little less critical. Xander didn’t fancy becoming a troll any time soon.

Spike had come in handy with that fight. Who knew trolls were so strong? Giles was going to be furious with all the repairs the Magic Box was going to need and the inventory was going to be of major fail, but at least no one died.

Buffy even noticed that Spike had helped the patrons of the Bronze who had been injured during Olaf’s ale-questing rampage. Buffy was taking her mom’s advice and trying to actually look and learn. They had overlooked a lot with both Anya and Spike. Considering the danger represented by Glory, that was a mistake she was glad to rectify. 

As for missing Riley, not so much. She wasn’t sure whether to feel upset about not being upset or not. Mostly she just tried to move on.

~*~

“Rupert, I still don’t understand why the other Watchers made you go all the way to London when they don’t know anything.” Joyce was disappointed. She had hoped there would be news about this threat to her babies.

“They have no record of Glory or anything like her based on the information I’ve given them though they now have the resources to look into it. They might have something soon.”

Buffy wanted to cut to the chase. She didn’t trust the Council at all. “What about the Key? Were they all over it?”

“They are interested certainly, and full of theories, many of them pure nonsense, but I revealed nothing.”

“So they don’t know it’s Dawn?” Buffy hadn’t noticed her little sister coming down the stairs or pause when she heard her name.

“No.”

Joyce shook her head, “I still can’t begin to grasp this. I mean, she’s my baby girl and I…”  
“Yes, it is disorienting at best, invasive at worst,” Giles agreed.

“What happens if they figure it out? What would they do?” Buffy would fight to the death, even against the Council if necessary to protect her younger sibling, real or otherwise.

“I can’t even think about this! It’s too….” Joyce got up and Dawn drew back out of her mother’s line of vision.

Something was up. Something that concerned her. Something they weren’t telling her, probably because they still thought of her as a little girl. Well, this little girl had mad skills. She’d find out and then they’d have to stop shutting her out of everything important.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More borrowed bits of dialogue from “Checkpoint” (written by Jane Espenson and Doug Petrie); “Blood Ties” (written by Steven DeKnight). Buffy’s birthday is January 19, 1981, according to Joss, even though “Blood Ties” aired Feb. 6th.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Chapter 5  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Just what Buffy needed--as in not! Travers and a group of Watchers from London were coming to add the little bit of misery that her life was lacking at the moment. 

“It seems they’ve found some information that may help us out,” Giles tried to sugar coat it.

“News about…Glory?”

“So it would seem. It is rather remarkable that they have managed to find information that was non-existent merely a week ago when I was going through their library there.” Giles suspected that there was quite a bit of information kept on a “need to know” basis and out of the hands of Watchers and Slayers.

“I still don’t want them back in my life, Giles.” Buffy sat at the round table amidst her friends there at the Magic Box and sighed in frustration. “They have a bad habit of trying to kill me when they show up in my town.”

“I can assure you that killing you is far from their minds this time.”

“Can you?” She really hoped Giles was right. There were enough threats at the moment. “Glory came by my house today.” The gasps came from all sides.

“Good Lord! Are you unhurt?” Giles hadn’t noticed any injuries.

“I’m fine. She wants her Key and threatened to start killing people close to me until I give it to her.” She looked resigned. “I guess I’ll have to put up with the Tweed Breed invasion if they can help me take her out before anyone else does get hurt.”

Xander suggested, “We need to find this key thing before Glory does, is my guess. Anyone got a clue where to start?”

Buffy and Giles looked at each other, obviously uncomfortable. “I think it’s time we told them, Giles. If Glory is planning on a killing spree, they need to know what we do.”

“There’s knowing? I mean knowing that we don’t know?” Willow sounded hurt.

“We didn’t want anyone to become a target by knowing anything, but it looks like you’re targets anyway.” She took a deep breath and began the tale. “Okay, guys, here’s the deal. It’s all about Dawn.” Buffy knew it was going to be a long conversation. After all, even she and her mother were having trouble reconciling that all their memories of Dawn, good and bad, were not real.

~*~ 

Buffy considered all her options; there weren’t many, really. She had to keep her mom and Dawn safe and that meant from the Council as well as the crazy bitch that seemed to defy everything Buffy used against her.

She was tired of merely reacting. She needed to start planning. “Mom, pack a bag for a few days for you and Dawn.”

“Where are we going and why?”

“It’s not safe here just now and I can’t be here twenty-four/seven. I need to know you’ll be okay, with someone who can protect you.”

Joyce pondered that. “From this Glory?”

“Yeah, and maybe the English Inquisition too, but I’m not sure about them. That’s the trouble, I’m never sure of them.”

“Where are you taking us?”

Dawn hugged the newel post and trembled a bit. Glory had scared her more than a bit and seeing Buffy scared made it worse. “Is she going to try to kill us?”

“She can try,” Buffy began, but on seeing that only alarmed the others further, decided to change tactics. “No. She can’t. I’m making sure of that and you have the whole gang of us working on how to nip this in the bud. No reason to worry, I just want someone I trust to watch our backs so I can deal with the Council guys and not worry.”

“So where ARE you taking us?” Joyce sincerely hoped Buffy wasn’t thinking about Angel. She really didn’t like him one bit and feared that Buffy put far too much faith in his innate goodness.

“To Spike. I know he lives in a crypt and all, but it’s kind of homey in a way and I know he cares about you two enough to make sure you’re safe.”

That was a bit better. Joyce wasn’t sure about living in a cemetery, but she did know that Spike wouldn’t let them down. “Are you sure he won’t mind houseguests?”

“I haven’t asked yet, but I’m sure.”

“I think that’s an excellent choice, and knowing Spike, I don’t doubt he’ll make us as comfortable as possible. He’s still got that old world streak of hospitality,” Joyce nodded. “He’ll protect us.”

Dawn was more than a bit excited. How COOL to spend a few nights in the cemetery with the neatest vampire she could ever imagine. She could pump him for all kinds of stories about his ‘Big Bad’ days. “Spike likes me. I’m sure he’ll be glad we’re there. I bet he gets lonely all by himself.”

Now there were words Buffy had never attached to Spike. Hospitable. Lonely. She had a flash of Spike bowing in a courtly manner over her mother’s hand and letting Dawn cuddle during a movie. Somehow it didn’t seem as impossible as it might have a short while before. Maybe all the patrols together had shown her a little softer side of Spike. “Just like Sears.”

“What’s that, dear?”

“Seers…you know, to find out what they might, um…see about this whole Glory thing. Yup, that’s what I need to look into.” Buffy didn’t want a lengthy Spike discussion just before going over to ask him a favor.

~*~ 

Spike leapt from the top of the sarcophagus, barely avoiding the ray of sunlight that come in with the Slayer and her family. “Oh, it’s the Slayer. For a second there I was worried.” He looked at Joyce and Dawn in puzzlement. “So having a family outing, are we?”

Buffy walked up to him, close enough to touch. It was all he could do to keep himself from putting his arms around her, she looked so vulnerable. It had become harder and harder to keep his real feelings for the Slayer from showing lately. They had been spending a larger amount of time together watching each other’s backs on patrol and getting along rather well.

She was suddenly nervous. She had been fairly certain he would help, but now faced with actually asking for a favor she wondered what her other options might be. It hadn’t been that long ago when they had been at each other’s throats. “I need your help.”

Spike was startled. The Slayer had been nicer to him of late, less caustic, but actually asking for something all polite-like was another thing. “They didn’t put a chip in your head too, did they?”

Buffy was startled at his response. “No, why would you even think that?”

Spike shrugged. “Just not used to polite askin’ from you yet. No insults in a long while and the old Buffy just demanded things or threatened. Makin’ sure you’re yourself, that’s all.”

Buffy didn’t want to take time to explain the change in her thinking regarding chipped and ex-demons at this time. “I’m serious. I need you to look after them,” she motioned to her family standing with bags in hand in the doorway.

“That’s a boatload of manly responsibility to come flying out of nowhere. Why me?” He swallowed and looked at two of the only three humans he actually cared about and hoped he wouldn’t disappoint.

“You’re the only one strong enough to protect them. The Council is here with information about Glory, and I don’t trust them either. I can’t be everywhere at once and I have to know they are safe.” Time to admit a few things. “I know you’ll do everything you can to protect them. I trust you.”

That was new. As chuffed as it made him to know he had finally earned the Slayer’s trust, it also scared him a bit. Things too good to be true usually turned out not to be.

“So? Do I have to look elsewhere?”

Spike walked towards Joyce with his most genial smile. “Ladies, come on in. Haven’t exactly got a set-up that’s human-friendly, but we can put something together.” He gestured around the crypt. “Basic kitchen and den here with working microwave. Naught but blood in the fridge, but we can pick up a few things when the sun goes to a more vamp-friendly place. TV works and I finally got that cable hooked up.” He smiled at Joyce, who grinned in response.

Dawn had already sat down in the one armchair and was flipping through channels. “You’ve got porn!” Joyce grabbed the remote and powered it off while blushing brightly.

“Um…yeah, about that….” Spike stammered. “Bachelor flat here, not used to anyone else touchin’ my stuff.” He leveled a glare at Dawn that frightened her not one bit.

“Dawn, you know better than to be disrespectful,” Joyce chided. “This is Spike’s home and you will treat it the way I raised you.”

“’S okay, Joyce. Bit’s used to getting’ her way ‘round me. Likely my fault she’s manners to let.”

Buffy watched the interplay and felt the tightness in her belly ease. They were going to get along just fine. “I’ll bring some groceries and other stuff you’ll need after I stop in at the Magic Box. Anything else you need, let me know.” She looked directly into Spike’s eyes. “And thank you. Really, thank you.”

“No problem. Just gettin’ ready to watch a bit of Passions. Won’t mind the company,” he looked pointedly at Dawn, “long as they keep still while the show’s on.”

“OH, Passions! Did they get Timmy out of the well yet?” Joyce and Spike had bonded over a shared love of the wacked out soap months before.

“No, but he’ll be fine. All the witch has to do is sew him back up and he’ll be good to go.”

Buffy had to grin in spite of all her worries. Spike was truly a unique vampire on many fronts. “Well, I’ll just leave you to your TV madness then.”

They didn’t even notice her leaving, having settled into companionable silence, eyes glued to the TV screen.

~*~ 

Travers had closed the Magic Box and thoroughly intimidated everyone by the time Buffy arrived. There were six other Watchers still going over and touching everything in the store as if they owned it. 

“Miss Summers, good to see you again,” Travers said in a voice filled with ennui and a stony face that underscored his insincerity. 

Buffy didn’t bother to answer. She knew she would choke on any greeting that smacked of actually being happy to ever see any of them again in her lifetime.

“Well, let’s get to it then,” Travers motioned to the desk where he had a few unopened files and a briefcase. “We are ever willing to assist our Slayer in the performance of her duties and have all the information available on this Glory here.” He smiled at her. Buffy thought it was rather like seeing a snake smile. “Of course, we must make absolutely certain that the Slayer is in proper condition to receive this information.”

There it was. ‘Carrot on desk and stick firmly in hand’ was Quentin’s favorite position. “We’ll begin with physical assessments and then we’ll deal with your strategic planning and general knowledge later.” He motioned for his Watchers to disperse. Three of them headed out, while the other three went to the training room, evidently to prepare. “Meanwhile, some of my team will begin their questioning of your…ahem…associates.”

“What?! You have no right to bother my friends or come testing me. I’ve been guarding the Hellmouth just fine ever since I quit and I don’t owe you any demonstrations. I do my job just fine and you know it. You don’t have the right to come in here and mess up Giles’ business either.”

“Of course we do, and a great deal more. In fact, if you insist on fighting us, we’ll arrange to have Mr. Giles deported within the day. He’ll never set foot in this country again.” He was positively gleeful knowing he had them all over a barrel. “Perhaps you’re used to idle threats and sloppy discipline,” he looked right at Giles, “but you’re dealing with grown ups now. Am I making myself perfectly clear, Miss Summers?”

“As a bell. I know who and what I’m dealing with.” Buffy was furious but unable to think of a thing to stop them from getting what they wanted.

“Shall we begin then?”

Travers headed for the training room with Giles and Buffy trailing. Buffy took the opportunity to whisper to Giles, “Can he really do all that?”

“Yes, I fear he can indeed. They may only seem good for bureaucratic busy work, but they do have unimaginable power politically on an international scale.”

“And they know just what it would take to make me give in.” Buffy put a fond hand on Giles’ arm just as they entered the training room. “I can’t lose you, Giles.”

“Thank you.” He was more touched than he could say, especially as useless as he’d felt of late.

They began a training exercise that proved nothing other than Buffy’s lack of knowledge when it came to Japanese names for fighting positions and moves. She let it go on a while before she began to hate looking like some newly called Slayer not quite up to snuff. “You know what? I’m gonna have to do this my way, guys.”

She then proceeded to kick major butt. She was poetry in motion and never missed her target, even while wearing a blindfold. No one needed to instruct her in where to place her feet in any language. Her feet were all over a suddenly frightened Philip the Watcher. The cracked ribs she gave him were only a plus.

~*~ 

Joyce was looking a bit tired and Spike recalled how short a time had passed since her surgery. “Need a bit of kip, pet?”

“I am a bit tired, but I won’t put you out. I think Buffy plans to bring by some camping cots later.”

Spike grinned and winked. “Show you both a little secret, but you have to promise not to tell.”

Dawn perked up at once. Secrets from a vampire? Secrets kept from Buffy? That had to be worth seeing. She SO knew that Spike liked her best!

“Got a downstairs to this little set-up. Regular two story flat here.” Spike lifted the trap door that no one had noticed and motioned them to join him. “I’ll go first and light it up a bit. Mind the ladder!”

Joyce was impressed. “Wow, this looks homey.” She took in the brass queen-sized bed and other bedroom furniture, the shelves crammed with books and the makeshift closet. There was a reclining chair near the single floor lamp. A side table held a lamp, but mostly it appeared to be candlelit by choice.

Spike moved a curtain on the wall across from the bed. “Got a bit of a rigged up shower through here. Only cold water at the moment, and no other facilities, I’m afraid, but good for a wash up. It’s kind of a work in progress. If you need other facilities, there’s the caretakers cottage not far off. I’ve got an arrangement with the twit; I don’t eat him and he lets me have free access. Course, it helps that he doesn’t know he’s safe unless he gets magicked into a pig.”

Spike’s talk of his diet had ceased to bother Joyce the more she had come to know him. It seemed to be important to him that everyone remember the power he once mastered. “It’s lovely!” The oriental rug under her feet reminded Joyce of the one her grandmother had back in Indiana.

“This is SO cool! Buffy doesn’t know about this?” Dawn was poking around looking at everything.

“No one does. Can lock the trap from here and stay hidden from unwanted company.” He pointed to another curtained area, “Got access to the sewer system there, sort of a back door. This is the main reason I picked this place. Easy to protect, watch my back. Now watch yours.”

“Thank you again, Spike.” Joyce was honored that he’d shown them his private sanctum. 

“Why don’t you have a bit of a nap then. Has to be a tirin’ day with the upheaval and all.” He turned down the comforter on the bed. “I’ll make sure no one bothers either of you. He looked at Dawn. “Keep your mum company, yeah? And no pokin’ in my personal stuff either, Bit!”

Joyce nodded. “That comes from me too, missy. No snooping in Spike’s things. I’m sure you have homework with you if you don’t want a nap.”

“Got music here too.” Spike tossed a Walkman into Dawn’s lap and pointed to the collection of CDs on a shelf. “Listen to all that you want, but no touching the vinyl.” He wasn’t chancing losing any more of his precious collection. Harmony hadn’t gotten the whole lot when she decided to burn his stuff.

They all started at the sound of banging from above. “Sounds like we’ve got some visitors. I’ll nip up and check it out. You two stay down here and keep quiet.”

Spike carefully replaced the area rug covering the trapdoor before he opened the crypt door to find a contingent of Watchers all holding crosses and weapons.

“Well, what brings you lot here? Got a feelin’ you’re not here for the neighborhood watch meetin’.”

The female was as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. The two men pointed their weapons and looked like they were on a hair trigger as well.

“We’re from the Council of Watchers and we need to ask you a few questions. We mean you no harm,” the woman replied.

“Figured you looked like COW’s.” The woman looked affronted. “Think they must clone most of you Watcher types. Stand out in any crowd.” He stepped aside and motioned for them to enter. Actually it was rather refreshing to have anyone actually knock and await an invitation. It was also invigorating smelling the palpable fear rolling off all three of the wankers. Chip or no, he still had it, in spite of what Buffy’s crew seemed to think.

“We have it on good authority that you help the Slayer from time to time. Is that so?”

“I pitch in from time to time. Get a spot of violence, save the day, all that rot.”

“I’d think you’d want to kill her! You’ve killed Slayers before.” The woman was furiously taking notes.

“Eternity gets boring doin’ the same ol’, doin’ what’s expected.” He grinned. “Bit of a rebel. ‘Sides, some of us evolve. So you’ve heard of me, have you?” Nice to know his rep was intact.

All three Watchers nervously fingered their weapons as Spike crooked a brow in amusement.

“I, um, wrote my thesis on you.” The woman looked at him as if she’d love a more in-depth…well, not chat precisely, but acquaintance at the very least.

Now that thesis was one piece of Watcher information Spike would love to get in his hands. They had much misinformation in the books Giles had in his library, especially regarding himself. He wondered just how the bint had collected her information and what her conclusions about him had been. 

The questions continued and Spike chose to answer truthfully. No point in playing games at this point. Slayer was treating him right and the last thing the girl needed was more trouble from the likes of this trio. There was a time when Spike could have used this situation to all sorts of advantage and played havoc with them all, but since he knew his heart, those days were as much in his past as any information the lady Watcher had in her thesis.

~*~ 

Buffy was late. She’d delivered some groceries and a dinner of fast food to her mom and Dawn and by the time Buffy and Spike had set up the two cots in his surprising lower level, she realized that the appointed time to meet with the Watchers had already passed. 

Dawn had pouted a bit when Spike escorted Buffy downstairs. Her little sister had already made herself right at home. Now they had enough comforts to withstand a few days hiding with the amazingly accommodating Spike.

Travers had given her an exact time to come in for the non-physical portion of this exercise in futility they insisted upon before coughing up the information they claimed to have on Glory. 

Buffy had talked to Willow and Xander earlier and knew that the British Plague had been asking all kinds of questions about her and her methods of slaying. She had a feeling that it wasn’t going to go well, and arriving late was guaranteed to put the old goat in a bad mood. He loved to flex his power where she was concerned and tardiness had to be a big black mark in his book.

Just a block from the Magic Box, she was stopped cold by a guy who looked like he stepped out of ‘Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.’ Only she would bet it wasn’t Kevin Costner beneath that chain mail. He had even brought friends, friends with swords.

She easily took out his buddies and knocked the sword out of the first knight’s hand, pushing him to the ground. “Okay,” she ripped the mail mesh from his face, “Let’s see just what you are.” No, not Kevin, but definitely human, even had a funky tattoo on his forehead. “Or who you are.”

“One soldier in a vast army.” The knight glared in defiance.

“What army?” 

“The Knights of Byzantium, an ancient order, and now your enemy.”

There were Slayer enemy armies now? 

“You work for Glory?”

“You dare think we would align ourselves with the beast? You are truly mad.”

“And this from the one trying to kill me.” Buffy was sick to death of all the variables that kept popping up with this whole Glory business.

“No, we were fools, three alone. But if it takes a hundred men, we send a hundred men, and if it takes a thousand, we’ll send a thousand.”

“Why?”

“As long as you protect the Key, the brotherhood will never stop until we destroy it and you, so says the Lord. You are the Slayer and we know what must be done. Kill us and let the legions follow.” He lifted his head a bit to expose his neck, clearly expecting to be killed.

“I don’t think so. Listen, Kevin, tell your legionnaire buddies to back off. The Key is safe and off-limits to all of you, and Glory is toast. So just get back on your horsie and ride out of my town while you still can, got that?” She got up off the puzzled knight and continued her way to the Magic Box, swinging the sword she had taken from him. 

Lots of food for thought went with her. She was so tired of all the games. There was a blonde bimbo to kill and a sister to make safe. She was really sick of being jerked around as if she wasn’t the obvious one to do those things, along with all her other Slayer duties. Even those now dead monks had known it would be the Slayer having to fight this fight when they sent Dawn to her. When push came to shove, it always boiled down to the Slayer in the end.

Travers looked pointedly at his watch. “You’re late.”

“Yeah.”

Giles noticed the sword and smudges of dirt on her light-colored coat. “Was there an attack?” Buffy nodded.

Travers clearly had no interest in what had kept her or who had attacked the Slayer. “We can begin the review at last. We’ll skip the more obvious questions.” He pulled out a thick pile of papers.

Buffy slammed the sword down on top of them. Epiphanies were good things, she decided.

“There isn’t going to be a review. No review, no interrogation, no questions you already know that I can’t answer. No hoops, no jumps, no pony tricks.” One of the Watchers started to sputter indignantly, only to draw Buffy’s ire. “No interruptions.”

She began to pace, but not in nervousness. “I’ve had a lot of people talking to me the last few days. Everyone is just lining up to tell me how unimportant I am and I’ve finally figured out why.” She narrowed her eyes and leaned over the table at Travers, “Power. I have it and they don’t, and this bothers them. It bothers you.”

She didn’t spare a glance to anyone other than Quentin Travers as she continued. “Glory tells me I’m nothing. She could squash me in a second, but the thing is…she didn’t. She came to my home and talked, she made threats and left. She needs something from me and that gives me power over her.

You guys didn’t come all the way from England to decide whether I was good enough for you to let me back in. You came to bribe me to let you back in, to give your jobs and lives some semblance of meaning.”

The Watcher named Nigel started to interrupt again. “This is beyond insolence--.” 

Buffy grabbed the sword from the papers and neatly tossed it across the room into the wall directly next to his head. She hadn’t blinked.

“I’m fairly certain I said no interruptions.”

The Scoobies sitting on the balcony were grinning, as was Giles. Buffy was majestic to behold, the Slayer in her full glory.

“You’re Watchers. Without the Slayer, you’ve got nothin’ to watch except BBC. You don’t guard the Hellmouth or stop the annual apocalypse. You can’t stop Glory. You can’t do anything with the information you say you have except maybe publish it in the ‘Everyone Thinks We’re Insane-O’s Home Journal’ So…,” She glared at Travers again. “Here’s how it’s gonna work. You are going to tell me everything you know about Glory and then you are going to go away. You will contact me if and when you have any further information about Glory. The Magic Box will remain open and Mr. Giles will remain here as my official Watcher, reinstated at full retroactive, salary from the month you fired him. And I will continue to work with the help of my friends as I see fit.” 

One of the more timid watchers ventured a comment. “I don’t want a sword thrown at me, but you are talking about civilians, children, and a vampire.”

Buffy looked up at her friends and smiled for the first time. “We’re talking about two very powerful witches, a thousand-year-old ex-demon, and a vampire who has already helped stop a couple of apocalypses, not to mention has my back on patrol.”

Philip with the cracked ribs broke in, “And the boy? No power there.”

Buffy gave him a dismissive look. “The ‘boy’ has clocked more field time than all of you combined. He’s part of the unit.”

A chuffed Xander whispered, “I’ve clocked field time!”

“You may all be very good at your jobs. The only way we’re gonna find out is if you work with me, like the Council is supposed to. Well, Quentin, are you understanding me?”

Travers cleared his throat. “Your terms are acceptable.”

“Fine. So about Glory…what kind of demon is she?’

“That’s just the thing. Glory isn’t a demon at all. She’s a god.”

~*~ 

Dawn was beyond wigged. Every time she walked into a room, everyone shut up or acted weird. The only one acting normal was Spike. 

She and her mom had moved back home after the Council guys went back to England. Whatever they had to say had made Buffy really serious and quiet. Dawn just wished they would stop treating her as if she were a kid.

“I’ll just stow my kit in the basement and get out from underfoot, yeah?” 

Spike and Buffy had decided it would be easier to have Spike move into the basement for a while to keep an eye on the ladies while she went about the business of making plans to get rid of Glory. Taking supplies to the cemetery was bound to attract notice had they continued to stay there.

“I’ve picked up several containers of blood and put them on the bottom shelf of the fridge,” Joyce pointed out. “I wasn’t sure of your favorite, so I got both pig and beef.”

Spike grinned rakishly. “My favorite’s off the menu, pet, but either’ll be fine. Thanks for thinking of me.” He could get used to being treated well. Of course, Joyce had always been a decent sort.

The couple of days spent in enforced company had confirmed Joyce’s opinion that Spike was far more human than even he realized. She had watched his interactions with Dawn closely and could easily see the genuineness of his feelings for the young girl. She wondered if Spike had been an older brother in his human life. He certainly fell into the role easily enough.

She had also noticed the way Spike looked at Buffy when he thought no one was watching. His heart was clearly visible there in his eyes. Not long ago the idea of a vampire in love with her daughter would have bothered her more than a bit. Coming as close to death as she had recently, though, had caused many a change in her viewpoint. None the least was to finally look at Buffy’s life for what it was and what it was not.

Buffy was not normal and her life was not going to be either. Even if she could find a human male able to accept her strengths and duty, none of them could help extend her life, could not fight at her side without being a distraction. Buffy was not normal, but she was extraordinary. She required a partner every bit as extraordinary as she was. Joyce had come to see that Spike might be that very one.

As for the grandbabies she yearned to have, well, there was always Dawn. There was also adoption should Buffy wish it. Not every woman gave birth after all. Tara and Willow weren’t likely to reproduce without outside assistance and yet they were perfectly matched. No, Joyce had looked eternity in the eye and come away with an altered mindset.

Once this whole business with Glory was finished, she’d have to work on getting Buffy to see Spike in a different light. She already had made some progress, but mid-crisis wasn’t the ideal time to promote a love match. All in good time.

~*~ 

“I’ve thrown everything I’ve got at her and she just shrugs it off,” Buffy lamented. She didn’t want the gang to see just how worried she was. Demons were one thing. Some were a bit harder to kill than others, but in the end, they all fell. Glory was a god. How did anyone kill a god?

Giles was the only one to share Buffy’s concerns. Even though they didn’t speak of it, they could see it in shared glances. 

“From what the Council’s been able to discover from the book of Tarnis and other sources, Glory and two of her brother hellgods ruled over one of the more seriously unpleasant demon dimensions.

“There are more than one?” Tara looked disconcerted.

“Oh, there are thousands of demon and hell dimensions, all different.” Anya grinned and nodded. It was nice to offer information without being told to shut up. She was feeling a bit more like part of the group now, instead of just the money-counting girlfriend of the comic relief.

“Anya is correct. And those thousands are all pushing on the edges of our reality trying to find a way in.” Giles had been surprised to find all that Anya seemed to know and then felt a bit foolish for not utilizing her earlier. Really, what had he been thinking? This was an ex-demon and one who had actually been to many of those dimensions that the Council had only a vague belief existed.

“Sometimes they don’t want in so much as want to exile others here. This really isn’t a very demon-friendly world. There are lots of places that make this dimension look like a kind of hell to them.” Anya nodded sagely.

“Yes, Anya, why don’t you use your memories and resources to see if you can pinpoint the one that gifted us with Glory. Perhaps if we learn why she is here we will be better able to know the best way to proceed.” Giles handed the girl a small selection of books he had available.

“I seem to remember some rumor about a civil war in one dimension where two brothers kicked their sister out. She was looking at taking over as supreme power. Maybe that could explain Glory, and it fits with what the Council found in their book.” Anya picked up a book and frowned. “I wish Hoffy and I were still on speaking terms, because he’d know right away. I think he plays poker with one of the brothers every Friday.”

Willow smiled at Tara and revealed what they had been working on. “We haven’t worked out all the bugs yet, but if we get it done we might be able to just whoosh her into another dimension, even if it isn’t her own.”

Buffy nodded. They were on it now. She had been right, Glory was toast. It was just a matter of time. Now if they only could be sure they had the time needed.

~*~ 

Great, another birthday. Buffy kept waiting for the other shoe to fall, as it always did. It was like fate was always trying to remind her of how short her lifespan was to be with all the bad luck that came on her ‘special’ day.

Wrapping paper was everywhere and the gifts had began to pile up; so far nothing demony except for the presence of Spike.

“Oh, it’s beautiful! Thank you, guys,” Buffy held the summer dress up against her and twirled a bit. 

“We thought you’d get lots of crossbows and other killy stuff, so we figured ‘less killy, more frilly’.” Willow was grinning from ear to ear.

Anya grabbed the dress from Buffy. “Oh, it IS lovely. I wish it was mine!”

Everyone gave her one of ‘those’ looks, but no one told her to shut up for a change. Then Anya seemed to realize how inappropriate her comment had been without anyone correcting her. “Oh, like you weren’t all thinking the same thing.” She put the dress on the box sitting on the coffee table.

“I’m fairly certain I wasn’t,” Giles stage whispered to Xander. “I’ve got one just like it.

Buffy reached for the next gift on the pile. The long flat box had no tag. She opened it to reveal a lovely antique necklace with delicate gold filigree surrounding a small stone that looked a bit like a ruby, but not quite”

“It’s a garnet. Your birthday bein’ in January makes it your birthstone. Supposed to help healing and enhance strength, endurance and vigor. Since it’s your stone, it should help protect you.” Spike looked a little embarrassed.

“It’s beautiful, Spike.” Buffy was truly touched by both the gift and the thought behind it.

“Yeah, who’d you steal it off of?” Xander still wasn’t on the ‘Go Spike’ team, even if he had backed off a bit lately.

“He didn’t steal it!” Dawn glared at Xander. “I saw it in his room with a bunch of old stuff.”

“Dawn!” Joyce gave her the mom look. “You weren’t supposed to snoop around in Spike’s things. We were his guests.”

“We will talk later,” Spike promised Dawn with a stern stare. “Bit’s right though. Was part of my family stuff I’ve kept, not nicked.” He turned and headed for the back porch. “Think I’ll do a quick patrol, give you the night off.”

“Thanks, Spike, for the gift and for covering.” Buffy rewarded him with a smile that warmed him to the core.

“Here, open mine!” Dawn thrust a scrappily wrapped package in her sister’s lap.

“It’s not gonna explode, is it?” She unwrapped what turned out to be a lovely picture frame covered in seashells with a picture of Buffy and Dawn taken a few years ago.

“It’s when we visited Dad that summer in San Diego. Remember how we went to Sea World and the Wild Animal Park?” Buffy nodded. “You threatened to take me over to Tijuana and leave me there.” Dawn pretended to pout. “I put the shells on it myself. We picked them off the beach.”

“I remember.” Buffy couldn’t believe memories so clear and real could be so false. She could almost feel the sand and smell the salty ocean breeze. She clearly remembered the popcorn at the zoo and all the laughter. She wondered if their dad had false memories of Dawn too. You couldn’t tell it by his contacting either of them.

Joyce was smiling at both her girls. She had made peace with the idea that Dawn was new to their life by just ignoring the fact. Memories were memories, and who knew what reality was anyway? Dawn was there and hers and she loved her as much as she did Buffy and that was all there was to it.

Dawn noticed all the squirming bodies around her and felt that nagging feeling again that something was going on around her that no one would speak of when she was around. “Don’t get all movie-of-the-week on me. I was just too cheap to buy a real present.”

“Thank you, Dawnie, this is perfect.”

“Cake?” Willow leapt up and headed for the kitchen. It was hard to watch Dawn and Buffy and not let on about the secret.

~*~ 

Giles was pouring another glass of wine as Buffy fixed yet another soda for her mother and herself. 

“It still seems like there’s a lot you don’t know about this. I mean, is she dangerous?” Joyce knew her baby couldn’t be evil but being a ball of energy did sound ominous.

“I assume you’re talking about her existence rather than her intentions,” Giles guessed. 

Buffy looked out the door and down the hall, noticing that Dawn was eavesdropping as usual. It was getting to be a bad habit.

“Exactly,” Joyce started to continue, only to stop at a glance from Buffy.

“Dawn? What are you doing in there? Party getting too boring?” Buffy called.

“We need plates.” She grabbed a small stack from the dining room table and walked off.

“Maybe she’ll think we were talking about Glory?” Joyce asked hopefully.

Dawn put the plates down with a bit of a clatter, “Why does everyone start acting all weird when I’m around?”

Tara looked a bit worried. “Dawnie, I remember how it felt at your age. It seems that everyone and everything is just a bit off.”

“I’m not an idiot! I know you’re talking about me!” Dawn accused.

“No, we weren’t,” Xander floundered, looking for a cover-up.

“We were talking about sex,” Anya offered.

Dawn turned to her mother, who had just returned to the room, “They were talking about me, just like everybody is.” She stomped up the stairs in a huff.

“Well, that went…,” Buffy sighed. “About like you’d expect on my birthday actually.”

~*~ 

Dawn climbed out her window and shimmied down the trellis to the back porch. She had seen Giles hiding something at the Magic Box earlier and was fairly certain whatever it was held answers. No one was talking to her, so she really had no choice but to find out on her own.

“Goin’ somewhere, Bit?” Dawn yelped in surprise at seeing Spike standing right behind her.

“Geez! Lurk much?”

“Just back from patrol. Looks like just in time too. Not safe out here for a morsel like you,” Spike frowned. He’d have to keep better tabs on the Niblet since it seemed she was one to slip out the window just as her sister had always done.

“I’m fact finding. Everybody’s hiding stuff from me and I’m sick of it.”

“And you need to do this during prime vamp time why?”

“Well, it’s at the Magic Box and they’re always there except at night. Hey, you wanna come steal some stuff?”

Oddly enough, he didn’t. Magic was best left alone and everything they sold there was for magic. Wouldn’t hurt to pick up a bit of Burba weed, though, and keep the Bit on some kind of leash at the same time. “Yeah, all right.”

He picked the lock with the ease of years of practice. “Girl with a mission, eh?”

“Buffy’s not the only one with missions.” Dawn walked straight to the counter and began to prod under the register as if looking for a catch. “I think there’s a book with Giles’ notes. He was standing here writing, and when I turned around it was gone.”

There was a soft click and a hidden drawer popped open. “Here’s something. Uh…’Tarnis, Twelfth Century: one of the founders of the monks of the order of Dagon. Their sole purpose appears to have been as protectors of the Key.”

Dawn looked up at Spike. “That’s the thing this Glory is looking for, I think. She came by to threaten Buffy a few weeks ago and was going on and on about some key that she thinks Buffy has.”

“Wasn’t that ball thing Buffy took off some monk when this Glory bint first showed up called a Dagon Sphere?”

“Don’t ask me, I’m the mushroom in the room, kept in the dark.” Dawn read on aloud, “The Key is not directly described in any known literature, but all research indicates an energy matrix vibrating at a dimensional frequency beyond normal human perception. Only those outside reality can see the Key’s true nature.” She shook her head in confusion. It was all Greek to her. “Outside reality? What’s that mean?”

“Seers…blokes with second-sight, mostly. Psychics like Dru was or even just your run-of-the-mill loonies. Sounds powerful, whatever it is.”

Dawn continued, “The Key is also susceptible to being detected by necromanced animals, especially canines or reptiles.” Dawn got a faraway look on her face as she remembered her many encounters with crazy people, her mom’s weird reaction when in nutty-mode and the giant snake. She was beginning to get a hinky feeling, like ants crawling up her spine. The book dropped from her hands and Spike picked it up before the place could be lost.

Spike frowned and continued reading, “The monks possessed the ability to transform energy, bend reality. Blah, blah, blah….” He looked at Dawn and tried to nudge her out of whatever put her in the funk that had overtaken her. “Good Lord! Giles writes as dull as he talks, doesn’t he?”

Dawn continued to stare into space, fighting off the feeling that she had just stumbled onto the meaning of life…her life at any rate.

“They started work, but the Council her suggested to us that they were interrupted, presumably by Glory. They obviously did manage to accomplish the taste.” He looked more closely at the cramped writing. “Accomplish the task. They had to be certain that the Slayer would protect it with her life. So they sent the Key to her in human form, in the form of a sister.”

Dawn looked like she might pass out. It couldn’t be true! She couldn’t be some made-up thing! She knew things, remembered things, loved people. That had to be real!

“Huh, guess that’s you, Niblet.” Spike sounded a bit awed. “Always did know you were special.”

~*~ 

It was too much. Most teenagers felt different, not quite real, but to find out you really ARE those things was more than Dawn could bear. They had to be wrong. The Council was wrong a lot of times, weren’t they? And Giles was too; Dawn remembered lots of times when he was wrong. 

Even Buffy was wrong a lot. Like the way she didn’t trust Spike for a long time or listen to Anya’s cool stories.

They were wrong again and she’d prove it!

Buffy looked into the hallway in horror. There was Dawn holding a large knife in one hand while blood ran down her forearm. 

“Is this blood?” Dawn looked dazed. “Not creepy energy stuff. Blood, right?”

“Dawn!” Buffy rushed to her side and took the knife from her, then pressed her shirt onto the slice, trying to stem the flow. “What did you do?”

“It can’t be me. I can’t be this Key thing.” She looked at Buffy in shock, “I’m not a thing, am I? I’m your little sister, a pain in your butt.”

Joyce had arrived at her side too. “Oh, sweetie, NO! What’s this all about?”

Dawn could see it on their faces, all of them, even Buffy’s friends. The only one who had been as shocked as she was had been Spike. This was old news to all of them. “What am I? Am I real at all? Am I anything?” She began to cry.

Joyce’s heart broke for her. Dawn was so young and at that awkward age anyway without finding out you weren’t even human and all your memories and feelings were false. It wasn’t fair!

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Buffy sighed. “We were going to. It just….”

Dawn looked up in anger. She had known secrets were being kept but hadn’t thought them to be so devastating.

“We thought it would be better if we waited until you were older,” ventured Joyce. 

That was a new thought. “How old am I now?”

“You’re fourteen, sweetheart, you know that.”

“No!” Dawn shouted, “I mean REALLY. When did the monks make me?”

“Six months ago,” Buffy admitted.

“So I’ve only been real for six months? I’m just a key, a thing, everything about me is made up.”

The Scoobies had all filtered out with sheepish looks and more than a little concern, so the only ones there were the Summers women.

“Dawn,” Buffy tried to placate the girl she loved as if she were her own, “Mom and I know what we feel. We care about you, worry about you.”

“You worry about me because you don’t have a choice. They made you feel what you do. I’m your job; protect the Key, right?”

Buffy wiped at the now drying blood. “I worry because my SISTER is cutting herself.”

“Sure you do. I’m not real. Why don’t you just hand me over to that Glory and get it over with?” Dawn began to cry. “Just leave me alone!” She ran up the stairs and slammed the door behind her.

“How did she find out?” Joyce was horrified. They should have broken it to her gently. Dawn had the right to know.

Spike spoke from the shadows of the kitchen, “Bit broke into the shop and poked around ‘til she found the notes your Watcher had on this Glory bint.”

“And you know this how?” Buffy glared daggers at him.

“Went along, didn’t I?” He ducked his head, knowing he was losing ground as he spoke, “She was determined to go. Caught her sneaking out her window. Figured it better to go along with her, keep her safe from the oogly-googlies. Had no idea what she was lookin’ for or what she’d find, did I?” It stung that they had kept this important piece of information from him. 

“How could you let her find out like that?”

“You askin’ me or yourself, Slayer?” Spike was hurt. He’d been good enough to babysit, never knowing how very precious Dawn was to this Glory thing, how important it was to keep her safe. He had thought Buffy was starting to really trust him and now he saw that was just as fake as all their Dawn memories. “Not like I knew she was a mystical glowy key thing. Didn’t exactly keep me in the bloody loop, did you?”

“We didn’t tell anyone until the other day. I would have told you when I got you alone. We thought the fewer people who knew the better, but that didn’t work too well, did it?”

“She shouldn’t have found out like this,” Spike pointed out. “You didn’t think you could keep the truth from her forever, did you?” From the look on Buffy’s face, it seemed that she had thought exactly that. “Maybe if you’d been more honest with her in the first place you wouldn’t be in this mess now. Ease her into it a bit so it was less a shock.”

“How do you tell someone they only popped up a few months ago, but they’re older than dirt?” Buffy was suddenly feeling as old as dirt herself. “Add to that the fact this Glory wants to grab her and twist her in some kind of mystical lock. How much could a fourteen-year-old handle, Spike?”

None of them had an answer to that, it seemed. 

“Look, I’m sorry I blamed you.” Buffy’s shoulders drooped. It had been so easy to slip into old patterns. “I’m glad you were there watching out for her. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner too.”

“Gonna be rough sailing ahead, I’d wager.” Spike looked up towards the closed door with the weeping teenage Key inside.

~*~ 

Rough sailing didn’t begin to cover it. Joyce was beside herself. She’d tried every weapon in her mom arsenal and nothing worked. Dawn was determined to shut herself off from anyone and anything that resembled the life she now knew was a construct.

So far she had received calls from every one of Dawn’s teachers about her acting out in class. The principal was threatening to suspend her for the rest of the year and that would mean summer school.

Buffy seemed to think they should let Dawn have some space, but Joyce wasn’t sure that was the answer. No matter what Dawn’s origins, she was also a vulnerable child who had just had everything she thought she knew and felt ripped away. She had to be feeling far too alone already without them giving her any more space. Joyce wanted to love the pain away, but Dawn didn’t let her near.

“We can’t just let her sit up there all alone.” They discussed it for the millionth time.

“She needs time. We can’t force her to be all right with this.” Buffy sounded so sure.

“So your solution is time? Just leave her alone and hope it all works itself out?” Joyce knew Buffy was good with denial--they all were--but just ignoring a problem never solved it.

“If I were her, I’d want a bit of time right now. I wouldn’t want my mother and sister coming at me from all sides.” Buffy always dealt with emotional trauma by shutting herself off, so it would make sense that Dawn would too. “Besides, you know she has been downstairs to hang out with Spike, so she’s not totally alone.”

“I thank God for him and that Dawn still has someone she trusts to talk to. It’s because he didn’t know either; he didn’t lie to her like we did.”

Truth be told, Buffy had been a bit jealous of the bond she saw between the vampire in the basement and her little sister. “I wonder what they talk about?”

“I doubt she’s talking about the important things.” Joyce wished she was actually, if it would help. “Her school called again today. She was suspended. I talked them into making it only a short one though.”

Dawn was sitting on the stairway listening. That was the only way to be sure of anything around here, sneak or eavesdrop. No one was just honest with you, except maybe Spike. He never pushed either, just listened or talked about other stuff.

“She yelled at a teacher. Buffy, the things she said! She never used language like that before.”

“She probably feels like she can say or do anything right now, that none of it matters. She’s not real and we’re not her family. We don’t even know what she is.”

Dawn stiffened in shock. So they didn’t love her after all. It was all pretend to make her feel better, to make sure they kept the Key with them and safe from the hellgod. She fled to her room again, tears rolling down her face.

It was all fake! Every like and dislike, every memory, all of it, just like her. She ripped posters from the wall in a frenzy. Down came Tobey Maguire and James Van Der Beek, joining Ashton Kutcher in the trashbin. All the Britney Spears CDs and posters, ripped and smashed, joined them. The Backstreet Boys ticket stubs and CDs weren’t spared either. All fake! Did Keys even like music? She looked at her diaries, years’ worth of them, all as unreal as she herself. She began to rip pages out, throwing it all in the trash. This was the stuff of a fourteen-year-old girl, not some glowing thing. She sobbed in misery.

Joyce had jumped up at Buffy’s harsh words. “How can you talk about Dawn as if she were a thing?”

“I’m not!” Buffy was horrified that it had sounded that way. “I’m just saying that’s probably how she feels right now.”

“Well then, we’re just going to have to show her it isn’t true. She needs to know that she is still part of this family and that we love her.”

“It may not be that simple. We can’t fix this with hugs and kisses and a bowl of soup. She has to know the truth, what she is, where she came from. She needs something real to hold onto.”

“Our love for her is real,” Joyce pointed out. “What she needs is a mother and a sister, not the Slayer.”

Her mom was learning, but still didn’t fully get it. “The Slayer is the only thing standing between Dawn and this god from the bitch dimension who wants to shove her in some kind of lock and give her a good twirl.”

The argument was interrupted by the sounds of a smoke alarm going off.

“My God! Buffy, what’s Dawn done?” Joyce looked around the trashed room while Buffy put out the fire in the trash basket. All the things that were Dawn’s favorites looked to have been stuffed in and burned.

“Where is she?” Buffy was furious. “That’s it! She can’t be allowed to just do stuff like this. Doesn’t she have any clue of how much danger she’s in already without….”

“Buffy,” Joyce pointed to the open window, “I think she’s gone.”

~*~ 

Catching up with Spike while he patrolled wasn’t easy. He was thorough and covered much of Sunnydale. The rest of the gang were checking out the downtown area and near the school, but Buffy figured it would take more than just good eyes and ears to find her truant sister.

“Dawn! Dawn!” Buffy was frantic. She had been gone for a couple of hours, hours when Glory and her scabby minions had time to grab a frightened girl.

“Yeah, that should do it,” Spike snarked. “Niblet scampered off to get away from you. She hears you bellowing and she’ll pack it in the opposite direction.”

Buffy stopped yelling and walking. “You were so right. This is all my fault. I should have told her. Mom was right too; we should have made her see that we love her for her.”

Spike sighed. Human emotions were so volatile. “Look, she probably would have skipped off anyway, even if she never found out. She’s not just a blob of energy, she’s a teenaged hormone bomb. Which part is screwing her up most right now?” He grinned. “Spin the bloody wheel. You’ll find her, just in the nick of time. It’s what you hero types do.”

Buffy gave him a look filled with hope and gratitude. “Think so?”

He nodded firmly. “You’ll find her.”

The gang caught up with them with nothing to report. 

“She wouldn’t have left town, would she?” Tara asked. She had run from her own home once and knew well the desire to just be away from all the hurt and confusion.

“I doubt it. She hasn’t been getting her allowance in a while because of trouble at school.” Buffy looked at the sky as if answers could be found there. 

“Lots of nasties out at night besides Glory,” Spike reminded them.

“We should check the hospital,” Buffy agreed.

~*~ 

Dawn had wandered aimlessly through the streets of Sunnydale. She stepped into the path of an ambulance at one point and remembered what the journal had said about mental patients. Maybe one of them could help her discover just what or who she was. She headed for Sunnydale Memorial.

The patients had raved all the stuff she had heard before, calling her a thing and showing fear. All but one, that is--one patient had clearly called her the Key.

“What am I?” Dawn stood nervously beside the man’s bed.

“The Key.” He didn’t look at Dawn and seemed to be talking to the ceiling. “I found it. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

“Please,” Dawn pleaded. “Where did I come from? Who made me? What am I?”

“Destroyer!” Dawn jumped back at the accusation. “Cracked bones, the sun bleeding into the sky! The Key is the link and the link must be severed, such is the will of God. Such is the will of God.” The man’s eyes were wild with religious fervor, as well as madness of another kind.

“No!” Dawn began to shake and back out of the room in terror. She backed into the intern named Ben who had helped with her mother not long ago.

“Hey,” Ben grabbed the girl’s shoulders and steadied her. “You’re Dawn, right? Joyce Summers’ youngest? Is your mom back in the hospital?”

“No. No mom, no hospital.” Dawn was in a state of shock, so Ben steered her towards the on-call room. Something was really wrong. He led her to a small table and chairs and got her to sit.

He left her long enough to go to the counter and fix something comforting. “Here you go, two steaming cups of chocolatey goodness. Couldn’t find any marshmallows, sorry.”

“I don’t like them anyway. They’re too squishy.” She was struck with another memory. “When I was five, Buffy told me they were monkey brains and I--” but that wasn’t right either. Nothing was.

“Dawn, is your mom okay? Is that why you’re here?” She hadn’t answered earlier.

Dawn’s voice was bitter. “My…‘mom’…is just fine.”

“Can I call your sister?”

“I don’t have a sister.”

Oh, that Ben could understand! A blow-up between siblings. “You two had a fight, I’ll bet. It’s okay, I know how that goes. I’ve got a sister too and there are lots of nights I wish she didn’t exist either.”

“It’s not Buffy, it’s me. I’m the one that doesn’t’ exist,” Dawn sighed. “I’m not real. I’m a nothing. A thing some monks made so Glory couldn’t find me. I’m not real.”

Ben nearly fell over with his chair. “You’re the Key?!”

Dawn seemed to notice the intern for the first time. “How do you know about the Key?” 

Ben was panicking. “GO! Before she finds you. Don’t ask how she knows, but she always does. Go quickly.” He began to pace. “You don’t understand; you’re a kid. If you stay, she’ll find you and she’ll hurt you.”

The man began to morph into a female form before Dawn’s terrified eyes. Glory suddenly loomed over her. “Hello there. I know you!”

~*~ 

The gang spread out in the hospital looking for any indications that a young girl had been brought in or had come in on her own. They had been told in the ER that no one matching Dawn’s description had come through as a patient.

At least she hadn’t been attacked!

While they regrouped and tried to think of where else she might have gone, they overheard a commotion from down the hall. A guard had been found with his head nearly torn off.

“Glory!” Buffy deduced. They all headed in the direction of the noise. If Glory were around, and so was Dawn, they had to move quickly.

Spike pointed down a hallway. He’d picked up Dawn’s scent. She wasn’t alone.

~*~ 

“Okay, small talk’s over. I’m in a bit of a crunch here, so let’s cut to the chase.” Glory had dragged Dawn into a consultation room and pushed her against a table. “Your sister has my Key and I want it. It’s mine. Do you know where she’s squirreled it away? Ten words or less.”

Dawn tried to keep the nervousness out of her voice and failed. At least Glory didn’t seem to notice how close she was to that very item. “I’m not sure. What does it look like?”

Glory gave a dreamy sigh and patted her heart area. “Well, the last time I caught a peep, it was a bright green swirly shimmer. It really brought out the blue in my eyes.” She smacked the table next to Dawn. “But then those sneaky little monks pulled an abracadabra so it could look like anything now.”

Buffy and the gang burst in at that moment. “Get away from my sister!”

“We were just talking about you.” Glory advanced on Buffy, while Dawn ran to get behind her elder sister.

“Conversation’s over, hellbitch.” Buffy punched Glory, then followed up with a couple of kicks, finally smashing the god into the lighted x-ray wall.

Everyone else tried to stay out of the way as the two supernatural beings fought. Spike moved stealthily behind Glory and pinned her arms against her sides. Buffy took the opportunity to land multiple blows in Glory’s face while Spike held her steady. It was almost too easy.

“Thought you said this skank was tough,” Spike taunted. Mistake! Glory threw Spike off her as if he were a mere mortal, sending him flying across a table and into the far wall.

Giles loaded the crossbow and fired, but the arrow merely bounced off the now angry hellgod.  
Buffy continued her assault and Xander tried to get an advantage with a prybar, only to find himself tossed with Giles into a heap not far from Spike’s unconscious body. 

Willow and Tara were quietly chanting in some foreign language unnoticed by all.

“Time to start with the dying!” Glory grabbed the tire iron Xander had dropped and turned towards a cowering Dawn. “Starting with the whelp.” She threw the tire iron like it was a sword, but Buffy was faster, throwing herself in the path of the flying metal.

“Dawn!” Buffy collapsed, the metal hitting her in the upper chest near the shoulder.

Glory began to bear down on the Summers sisters, ignoring anyone else and walking between the chanting witches. As Glory passed them, they both tossed glitter over her, covering her like a child’s Christmas card.

“You got this mess in my hair! You little…,” She turned on Tara as Willow clapped her hands and shouted, “Discede!”

With a poof and small snapping sound, Glory disappeared as Willow fell to the floor in exhaustion.

Everyone was standing and conscious again looking at the witches in amazement. 

“Teleportation spell. Still working out the kinks.” Willow wiped a bit of blood from under her nose.

“Where’d you send her?”

“Don’t know; that’s one of the kinks,” Tara supplied.

“Not here, that’s all that matters for now,” Spike pointed out.

“Indeed,” Giles pushed his glasses back in place and faced Buffy. “I’ll call your mother and let her know you are on the way.

Buffy put an arm around a willing Dawn. “Okay. I need to get my sister home. Mom’s been frantic. Come on.”

Dawn stopped on the threshold. Something niggled in the back of her mind, “Wait! Ben. HE was here. He was trying to help me. He….” She stopped, unable to grasp the memory. It was all a blur. “I think he might have left before Glory came. I can’t remember.”

“It’s okay. You’ve had a bad couple of nights. Don’t worry about it. We’ll thank him next time we see him.”

“Is Mom mad about the whole fire thing?” Dawn sounded nervous and young.

“I think you’ve got a get-out-of-jail pass on account of all the trauma.” 

“Really?” Dawn sounded relieved. “Okay, good.”

“Sure you didn’t get hurt, Bit?”

“I’m fine. Buffy’s the one with the prybar in her shoulder.”

Spike looked over the wound and satisfied himself that nothing vital had been hit and Slayer healing would do the trick. “Let’s get you both home then. Fix you up and let everyone get a bit of kip.” He looked at Buffy closely. “I’ll stay up and make sure we don’t have to deal with a repeat tonight.”

“You sure? She knocked you out, Spike.”

“I’m a vampire, love, I can take it. ‘Sides, creature of the night here, only natural to be up and on the prowl.”

“You know, I could get used to having you around if you keep this up,” Buffy teased.

“Fine by me.” He winked to make light of it, but inside his long dead heart began to sing. It may not be all he dreamed of, but it was a start and a good start at that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: “Crush” bits of dialog (written by David Fury)  
> Joyce speaks of an interesting study on the growth of our brains, especially the frontal lobe area and the impact on young people’s reasoning skills and judgment among other things. One article can be found here although there are several available:  
> http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/teenage-brain-a-work-in-progress-fact-sheet/index.shtml

~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~  
Chapter 6  
~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~ 

“You need to talk to your daughter!” Buffy huffed.

“What do you want to talk about, honey?” Joyce repressed a grin.

“Not me! I mean the other one--the short, annoying one.” Buffy shook her head. “You would NOT believe what craziness she has going on in her head now.”

Joyce closed the freezer door and leaned against the cabinet. Her energy levels still weren’t what they should be and Buffy noticed immediately.

“Why don’t we get some tea or something while I rag on my sister. You go and sit down and I’ll bring it,” Buffy offered.

Buffy had become so very solicitous since the surgery. Joyce didn’t much care for being treated like an invalid but accepted graciously nonetheless.

“Not tea; Spike has spoiled me for tea made properly I’m afraid and it’s put me off of the bagged dipping we call tea.” Joyce noted the slight frown at Spike’s name. “Maybe some cocoa?”

Buffy took her mom gently by the upper arms and steered her towards the door. “Fine, hot chocolate it is. Go forth and sit!”

The chocolate was rich and creamy, just like they both liked it.

“Now, what has Dawn done this time?”

“You know how she’s spending all her spare time in the basement with the house vampire?”

“Yes. I think Spike’s been good to her and it’s nice that he likes her well enough to put up with her high energy.”

“Good?!” Buffy sputtered, falling into old patterns of dismissing anything about a good side to Spike. She saw the disapproval on her mother’s face and reconsidered. “Okay, I can see some good. Who knew Spike could speak French?”

“I did, for one. Anyone growing up where and when he did would have had some background in French; add to that time spent there over the years and it seemed logical to me that he could help Dawn get that grade up.”

“Still wrapping my mind around Spike as something other than just a vampire made from a street thug, I guess,” Buffy admitted. “Anyway, the problem isn’t what Dawn’s learning; it’s what she’s assuming.”

“What’s that, dear?”

“She’s got it into her head that Spike is in lo--,” Buffy could not choke the word out. “That he kinda liii--.” She rolled her eyes in annoyance with herself and muttered, “She says Spike’s in love with me.”

Joyce sipped her chocolate and mulled it over. Yes, she could see it herself; had for some time, if she were honest about it. Just weeks earlier the thought would have terrified her, but now she had a shock of approval go through at the thought. If Spike did love Buffy…well, his history showed that he didn’t cut and run even if things weren’t easy. He was loyal and strong.

Buffy broke into her mom’s thought process. “Yeah, I was speechless too. I can just imagine the way the gang will react--that is, if there’s any truth to it. Giles will insist we kick Spike out or stake him and Xander will be right beside him.”

Joyce blinked. “This is my house, Buffy. I decide who has an invitation. If your Watcher or your friends don’t approve, they don’t need to drop by. As for the staking, I would hope that I raised you to be a better person than that.” Joyce shook her head at the thought that no matter how Spike had tried to help them or how hard he had been trying to be more human, they still seemed to look for reasons to reject him.

It was Buffy’s turn to be silent. She remembered how traumatic her love life had been when she had adored Angel. Her mom wasn’t so protective of him! They were both vampires, but Angel had a soul! Why didn’t her mom see the difference? It seemed the only differences she did see were ones where Spike looked better for some reason. It didn’t make sense.

“Well, I guess it doesn’t really matter. I’m not in love with him; never will be.” Buffy set her mug on the coffee table. “I loved Angel so much. I will never love anyone like I loved him.” 

“Well of course you won’t!” Joyce sighed deeply and reminded herself again of how young Buffy still was, in spite of all her responsibilities. “First love is all about the emotional roller-coaster…the angst and pathos. In the case of Angel, all the other aspects just magnified that beyond the normal.” Seeing the look on Buffy’s face, it was probably best not to attack the idea of that rose-colored love. “Sweetheart, do you really think you could have met your one and only love at the age of fifteen? How many teenage romances become life-long relationships? A few--a precious, rare few—might, but not many. You grow up, grow apart. Statistics don’t favor that kind of connection working out.”

“I’m the Slayer. I have a short shelf life. I mature faster than most girls.”

Joyce held back evidence of that being a fallacy.

“Sweetheart, even medically you were at a disadvantage. I was reading an article while I was in the doctor’s waiting room. It was about a study done on the brains of teens and adolescents. They’ve discovered that the prefrontal cortex doesn’t even fully function until the twenties at least, maybe later. Your decision-making skills, inhibition control, all of those abilities using your frontal lobe are not able to work well enough to make life-long decisions.”

She could see that Buffy wasn’t buying any of it. “Why, my first love was Harvey Duckworth.” She nearly laughed at the look on Buffy’s face. “Ace and I dated throughout high school. He was the football captain. I almost turned down my scholarship to USC so I could join him at Northwestern.”

“I would be Buffy Duckworth?”

“Oh, no, I hear he named his girls for the women of Middle Earth. He always loved Tolkien. I think his eldest is Luthien or maybe Galadriel.” Buffy shuddered at the thought. “His son is Frodo, I believe.”

“Anyway, I have never loved another like I loved him. He was my first love, my first lover.” Buffy gasped and gave her that TMI look. “Oh, the heady feel of it all!” Joyce smiled as she remembered. “Then came your dad.”

Buffy wasn’t sure she wanted to hear about him either. 

“I was crazy about him. We had so many years, good years, where we built a life together. I’ll never love another like him either. Even with how it ended, I wouldn’t trade a day. We grew up and for a while grew together. We struggled and enjoyed life and made two beautiful daughters.” She hoped Buffy was starting to catch on. “You never love any two people the same way and we are all fully capable of loving more than one person in our lives. You don’t take away from one to give to another.”

Buffy had never looked at love quite that way before, but she could kinda see it. Still… “But Spike…”

“Spike will never love again like he did Drusilla. He loved her through many bad times for over a century, you know. But like your love for Angel, it’s a good thing he won’t love like that again, that neither of you will. Those loves made both of you less than you really are. You both tried to mold yourselves into what best pleased Dru and Angel and both of you lost a bit of yourselves in doing that. Being what another person wants you to be is not love, honey, and it’s not healthy either.” 

“But Angel never asked me to be different,” Buffy defended.

“You were never happy. You can’t tell me you miss all the tears and insecurities.”   
Joyce remembered the muffled crying. She had known at the time it had to be boy-related, even if she hadn’t met Angel at that point. “While you’ll never love like that again, you can and will love in a way that will be better, healthier, happier, even more passionate, because you are becoming a woman now and not a little girl.”

“But Mom, Spike?”

“I don’t know if it’s Spike or not, but you might want to weigh the benefits of giving him a chance.”

~*~ 

Well, it always took two to tango, as her mother had always said. Joyce waited for Buffy to head out to her classes before she ventured downstairs with a wake-up cup of the butcher’s finest pig.

Spike’s predator senses, ever on the alert, rang like the best of alarm clocks. “Joyce? Somethin’ wrong?’

“Well, yes and no.” She didn’t know how she felt about interfering directly like this. It had seemed necessary with Angel and she wouldn’t have dreamed of any conversation like she was planning now had she not recently looked death in the eye. “I understand you’re in love with my Buffy.”

Spike looked like a landed fish. How had the clever bint figured that out?

“You don’t need to look surprised, Spike. Everything you feel is right there on your face. All it takes is looking.” That and the desire to read what you saw there.

“Where’s your trusty axe then?” Spike sat up and glanced around, actually expecting his friend to be toting a weapon of some sort. “Or just plan to run me out of town intact?”

“Neither,” Joyce admitted, much to his surprise. “Oh, I’ll admit that a few weeks ago I would have probably bought you a bus ticket as far away as possible from my daughter. I’ve had a lot of time to think, though, and a lot of truths to face.”

“That so?” Spike spoke softly and slowly, trying to figure out just where this conversation was going.

“More than anything, I want Buffy to live a long life. I always had typical mom dreams for her that involved a nice suburban house and respectable husband who would adore her. Maybe a couple of children--I’d love grandbabies!” Spike nodded in understanding encouragement. “When the doctor confirmed the diagnosis, I had to realize that my time might be up pretty soon. I started to look at things a bit more realistically. Buffy will never have a normal life; she is the Slayer. I’m told by everyone that she cannot have a long life either for that reason. I plan to see to it that she has the best chance possible to defy those odds.”

“And I fit in how?” Spike wasn’t sure if he should let the bubble of hope build or not. It almost sounded like Mrs. Summers wouldn’t be pulling out a stake any time soon; might even be in his corner.

“You’ve lived over a century. You’re strong and smart and skilled.” Joyce looked deeply into his eyes. “You have the makings of a good man in there and nothing helps bring that in the open like the love of or for a good woman.” Joyce nodded, sure of her decision once more. “You and your love for Buffy could be the key to keeping her alive to old age and that’s much better than any of those old unrealistic dreams any day.”

“Think you’re the only one seein’ a man of any kind, good or bad, Joyce.”

Oh, she knew how Buffy’s friends were concerning Spike. She’d watched all their interactions from the sidelines for years. “You let them goad you, bring out your worst and then Buffy only sees the big, evil former Big Bad. She worries that without the chip you’ll go right back to the same villain she met at the first. The one you threaten them with out of your anger.” 

“They treat me like I’m nothing, pet. Like I have no power or strength or dignity.”

“Yes and you put those fires out with gasoline, Spike. Every time you open your mouth with threats, you play right into their hands.” Joyce tried to think of how to explain her thoughts. “Imagine you are a decent person and you see someone being bullied. Naturally you side with the victim, you see his side of things, even take his side. But suppose you then see that victim bullying others. Suddenly all sympathetic urges stop.”

“So I should become a doormat? Impotent, like they call me?” Spike was beginning to feel a combination of frustration and anger, two things he had never felt towards this woman.

“No, Spike. No one should expect that of anyone. I do think it would be prudent if you’d think first before you speak. Make it clear to all watching just who started things, who is in the wrong. If it’s just childish nonsense like Xander spews, just let it slide. By reminding everyone that without the chip you’d cheerfully rip his head off, you make him look sensible in his contempt and fear of you.”

“That boy drives me nearly as mad as Dru. He pushes all my buttons.” The Watcher was no fan of his either, but at least he wasn’t constantly needling him the way Xander did.

“Oh, I do understand. Xander could drive a saint to violence.” Joyce laughed a bit. She had eyes and ears, after all, and knew how bad it could get, especially when Spike was trying his hardest to change. “Spike, I’ve heard Giles say that vampires are just animals with no feelings and not too many thoughts. He makes it sound like you are only interested in maiming, killing and eating. I think he does both vampires and animals a disservice actually.” He also was clearly just repeating what he had been taught; Joyce had detected that in the tone of his voice whenever Giles spouted such theories. It was like a schoolboy repeating his lesson for the teacher.

“There IS a difference between animals and humans, and it isn’t that they don’t feel and think. The difference is in the choosing. Animals do what they do because it is built into them. They kill to eat unless there is a food source available and then they don’t need to kill. They don’t stop to think about the right or wrong of killing if they need to however. You aren’t an animal. I’ve seen you make choices. That’s human, Spike. You can choose what you do.”

“Just ask, pet; they’ll tell you it’s the chip.”

“No. The chip keeps you from killing in the normal way of a vampire, but there are other ways you could continue to do plenty of harm, lots of evil. You even chose to help Buffy before the chip, remember? Lately you have chosen to work with Buffy and her friends. You have chosen to channel the need to create mayhem into a way where you fight evil. It’s been a choice, whether you realize it or not.” Joyce put a tender hand on his arm, “You aren’t like any other vampire I’ve ever heard of, Spike.”

Spike digested that. “Angel. He’s a white hat and they all accept that he is. Not sayin’ I want to be one of those, mind.”

“I know the attitude about Angel,” Joyce sighed with a hint of disgust. “I’ve heard how Angel is so good and wouldn’t hurt a fly. I also saw how he never really went into battle with Buffy. He’d drop hints, offer advice and then just stand back and watch for the most part.” She looked every bit a disapproving mother. “Yet he still is called good even after all he did as Angelus.”

“'S the soul,” Spike nodded.

They both thought on that for a moment. All those opinions based on the having or lack of something no one could measure or identify. Just what was the ‘soul’ in Angel, in anyone?

“I’ve watched how they judge you, Spike. They hold your choices, your actions, to a human standard. They did that with Angel too, of course, but without his soul, as Angelus, they just wrote his actions off as being a part of him being a vampire. They don’t do that with you. On some level, even they notice the difference, how unique you are. It’s not fair that they hold you with no soul to the standards of a souled Angel or human, but they do. Now you have to choose to live up to that standard as best as you can.”

“It’s not fair.” Spike ran a hand through his sleep-ruffled hair. “I’m a vampire, Joyce. I try to remind them all of that, but they just don’t seem to get it until they use the fact of what I am against me.” He snorted. “They remember then and are pretty quick to remind me how low they think I am too.”

“You’re right, it isn’t fair. You can’t force fairness though; no one can.” Joyce sighed at the workings of the world. “You say you love Buffy. I’m just trying to tell you how you can make it possible to get through to her in time. You have to decide what you really want, what’s important to you in the end, just like I have. You have to decide what it’s worth to you to get it. You decide you want Buffy’s love? You have to choose to let your feelings get hurt from time to time, to accept their petty cruelties. You have to decide what is worth more to you, your pride or a chance at Buffy’s love.”

~*~ 

Buffy poured another cup of coffee for her mom as she finished her breakfast and read the morning paper. Buffy was becoming quite the nurturing nurse in the weeks since the surgery.

She stopped mid-pour as the headline caught her attention, “Metrotrain murder. Six found murdered on train at Sunnydale station.” Buffy read the headline aloud and tried to process the possibilities. Death and Sunnydale went together like cheese and crackers, with a side order of demon usually. 

She bent to read the article causing Joyce to chuckle from her side of the paper. “Do you want the front page, Buffy? I can always start from the back. The funny pages are healthier anyway.”

“Huh?” Buffy was clearly lost in thought. “Oh, no. Sorry, Mom, it’s just that…well, you know, dead bodies in town is sort of like what the bat signal is for Batman or an alarm clock to the regular working world.”

“Sweetheart, there are police too. Some deaths here even require their talents.” Joyce smoothed the paper she had placed on the table for better viewing. “Lots of bodies. Do you think it was that Glory person?”

Buffy read further. ‘Unconfirmed reports of severe trauma to the throats….’ Yup, duty called. “No, sounds more like a vampire from the description. Another day at the office for yours truly. I’ll give Giles a call and see if he has the 411.”

“Maybe Spike might know something about it. He pays a lot of attention to what the other demons are up to in town ever since he started helping you with patrol. Since it was a train, maybe it was someone from out of town.”

Buffy started to head downstairs to ask the resident evil.

“Oh, he’s not down there. I saw him when I got up this morning just as he was heading out. With you home, he knew Dawn and I would be safe, so he went back to his place to pick up a few things.”

Buffy had to laugh. “Naturally, it’s broad daylight. Where else would you expect a vampire to be but strolling around doing errands.”

Joyce joined in the laughter. “He certainly is unique! He makes his own rules about what he can and cannot do.”

Buffy mumbled, “Bet that drove Angelus crazy.”

~*~ 

Spike rose up from sorting through his cd’s. He wasn’t planning to move in at the Summers residence, but still a man should have his own music with him! There it was, that sound again. “Who’s there?”

Dark and sinuous, she moved from behind the curtain that led to the sewer tunnels. She swayed to her own internal music, “A happy memory, my pretty Spike.” She held out a rose like a supplicant lover. “Look who’s come to make everything right again.”

This was bad. At least Dru looked reasonably in control of her wits. Perhaps he could have her out of town again before the Slayer even knew of her return.

“I want us to be family again, my William,” Dru pouted. It wasn’t the sort of pout that made him want to kiss her like with Buffy though. This one boded ill. “Come with me.”  
“Got a home right here, ducks.” Spike would never fully get over how easily Dru had dumped him after a century of his taking whatever she had dished out and coming back for more. “Everything I need right here in Sunnydale.” An image of Buffy fixed itself in his mind. Yes, everything indeed.

He felt Buffy nearby, but brushed it off as his desires made manifest, given how she was always with him in his heart ever since he realized his love for her.

Buffy had been a bit worried not to find Spike in the crypt but then remembered the downstairs. Hearing Dru’s voice had stopped her cold, though, when she opened the trapdoor. If Dru was back in Sunnydale, that would explain all those bodies on the train!

Dru gave a little whine. “Miss Edith said you wouldn’t wish to come with Mummy. I didn’t believe her and made her stay in that nasty iron wagon with all the leavings as punishment.” Dru twirled and giggled, “She was ever so insistent that we should go back to the new baby, even though she already grew up once. She doesn’t need her mummy, not like you do.”

It sounded like Dru had made a new plaything. “So I’ve got a new sister then?”

“Sister, great-grandmother.” Dru laughed delightedly, “That means that Daddy has his own mummy for a grandchild!”

Spike tried to follow that one around the corner and felt as lost as when she had begun. “Darla’s his mum, pet, and Darla’s dust.”

“Clever lawyers! Dust all gathered and made new again.” She frowned. “Daddy wanted her with that nasty soul and beating heart too, even if it would soon stop beating because of all the sick men.”

Dru then told him of Wolfram and Hart and how they had returned Darla from the great beyond and how she had sired her once more, in spite of Angel’s best efforts to save his one-time love.

Buffy nearly dropped down to the lower level then, to force some more information from the babbling wack job. Angel would have called her if Darla were back!

“So let me get this straight: Darla got mojo’d back from the beyond and you vamped her and now you and she are working on turning Angel into his own evil self again?”

Dru giggled. “Daddy doesn’t want to play. It’s like lollipops at the circus.” She frowned and touched some still healing burn marks on her chest. “Didn’t care for Angelus setting us on fire though.”

Aha! So Angel was trying to make it right on his own, protect her like always. Buffy felt a bit better.

“Pissed off the old sod, did you?”

“Daddy wanted Mummy to stay a nasty human, tried to save her life. Mummy even tried to love the soul out of him, but it didn’t work.” Dru smirked. “Mummy almost cried. No perfect there.”

Buffy drew back in shock. It sounded like Angel had slept with Darla! Human or not, that wasn’t right. Darla was a part of his dark, ugly, past. Darla had tried to kill her! 

“Mummy doesn’t need me right now, but my sweet William does.” Dru glided up to Spike and touched him on the temples. “Poor boy. Tin soldiers put funny little knick-knacks in your brain. Can’t hunt! Can’t hurt! Can’t kill!” With each ‘can’t’ she shoved her fingers painfully into his temples. “You’ve got a chip.”

Spike was deeply shamed. Nothing like having your infirmities exposed. He was heartily tired of being a joke to every human and demon who knew about the bloody thing.

“So you’ve heard. Poor Spike’s become a cautionary tale for vampires. ‘Be good, kiddies, or they’ll wire you up someday.’ He kicked at the chair next to him.

“No little tinker toy will stop you from being the bad dog you were born to be,” Dru promised. “I can hunt and kill and we’ll bring the world to its knees. Mummy knows how to take care of her pretty baby.”

Buffy felt herself go pale. This was all Spike needed, someone willing to do what the chip wouldn’t let him do for himself. Worse! It was his long-time love offering to do it. No way would he turn that down. She was going to have to stake them both. Buffy wondered why it made her sad to think of driving a bit of wood into her old nemesis.

“Come with me,” Dru cooed.

“And be what? Your toy? For how long?” Spike paced in agitation. “’Til someone or something else turned your head? ‘Til you decided to try for your precious daddy again?” Spike stopped and stared at Dru, feeling completely free of her at last. “I have what I want right here. I’ve made a life for myself. I’ve made decisions for myself. I’m changing; don’t know what I’ll be in the end, but it will be what I want, not you.”

Dru glared at him and let out a frustrated growl. ”I knew it! You’ve danced in the sunlight and think you won’t burn, but you will. She’ll never love who you are. No matter what you do or how you try, you’ll never be good enough for the likes of her.” Dru got a faraway look in her eyes. “Beneath her. It’ll never be you, Spike, never you.”

Spike swallowed and fought back the sting of tears. Part of him worried about that very thing. Still, Buffy was starting to at least treat him as a friend. Things could change if he kept trying and she continued to let him in. “Maybe not, pet. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe what’s important is me loving even if I don’t get anything back. Maybe part of this is for me, not her. Gotta change, Dru. Not happy like I was. Can’t tell me you ever really loved me back either. Won’t keep bouncing back to a woman who only has me as her second choice.”

“I won’t stay long, my Spike. Change your mind and come with me. Mummy can make it all better.”

She moved faster than Spike had seen her move since before Prague. Whatever she’d been doing in the time they were last together, she had at least healed completely. 

Buffy made it to the bottom of the ladder just as Dru disappeared from Spike’s senses.  
Spike didn’t turn around, even though he knew that the Slayer really was present. “So how much of that did you hear?”

“Most of it, I think.” Buffy stared after the direction Dru had flown and debated giving pursuit. “So when did you snap that I was here?”

Spike snorted. “Not soon enough. Seem to be slippin’. Didn’t really know ‘til Dru left and you made it down the ladder. Kinda preoccupied with the ghost of rampages past and all.”

“So Darla’s back,” Buffy sighed. “Guess I’d better prepare to have another strong blond bimbo after me.”

Spike chuckled. “Doubt she’ll be payin’ you a visit for a while. Too busy tormentin’ Gramps for now. ‘Sides, Dru’ll keep ‘em both on a merry dance for a bit. Got it in her head to put her family together and what-all.”

“She seems to think you’re staying because of me.” Buffy bit her lip, not sure if she really wanted to open this line of conversation or not.

“Yeah. Wrong though. Well, not completely wrong,” Spike ducked his head and looked at her through his long lashes. He took a deep breath and decided it was time. “I know you don’t have feelings for me right now, but at least you don’t seem to hate me anymore. Truth is, I love you. Have for a while now, probably a long while. Dru told me when we broke up, but it took me a while to admit it to myself.”

He could see by her wide-eyed look that bordered on terror that this wasn’t going to end well. “Not lookin’ for any declaration or promise, Buffy.” From the look of it he’d be lucky if the girl didn’t just promise an ass-kicking. “Maybe a crumb, though, a chance that someday…”

His words trailed after her as she fled up the ladder and out of the crypt.

~*~ 

Buffy sat head in hands as Joyce coaxed the story out of her. “This isn’t news to you though, Buffy. We’ve suspected it for a while and even talked about it.”

“Yeah, but it’s one thing to suspect and another to actually, you know, hear it.” Buffy blinked back tears. “What am I going to do, Mom? I kinda like having Spike around and I really do appreciate him staying here while Glory’s on the loose. He helps a lot with patrol. He’s even helped with research if you can believe it. I don’t want to run him out of town and I sure don’t want to stake him. What do I do?”

“Honey, why don’t you just keep treating him as a friend and colleague and see if it leads anywhere. As long as he doesn’t push and you don’t promise, there is no harm in that.”

“Awkward much?”

“It doesn’t have to stay that way.” Joyce didn’t want to push her agenda too quickly for fear that Buffy would run emotionally even further. “Aren’t you going with everybody to the Bronze tonight?”

Buffy nodded. They had decided a night of play and dance was needed with all the stress of late. The gang was all going to take the night off and dance the blues away.

“Well, how about I suggest to Spike that he join all of you, as just another of your friends?” Joyce watched her reaction carefully. “You can let him know that he is welcomed as a friend and it will be easier to continue to work with him then.”

“Whatever.” Buffy didn’t feel comforted. The image of Spike dancing did nothing to offer solace. She wasn’t sure where her thoughts were going, but the last thing Buffy wanted was to jump into the pool with another vampire, especially right now with Glory on her hands. The image of a dancing Spike changed to one dripping water in the moonlight and Buffy nearly screamed at her subconscious to just leave it--and him--alone! 

~*~ 

Spike slid into the seat across from Buffy. He was nervous like never in his entire life since his turning. Girl made him feel far too William! “Bleedin’ crime is what it is.” Joyce had suggested he pretend that the declaration had never been made, to just continue on as he had been doing. He was showing Buffy that he could be one of the good guys, that he was changing into something not beneath her. That he could be trusted.

Everyone else was on the dance floor and Buffy was so caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn’t even noticed when Spike had joined them. She was glad her mom had warned her that she planned to suggest Spike show up after patrol; at least she didn’t feel like jumping out of her skin, or out of the Bronze, rather.

She looked at Spike in amazement. He was wearing khaki! The only color other than black that she had ever seen on him was red or purple. He looked like any respectable, working class guy in his blue shirt and brown jacket. He could be any of a number of young professionals out for a night of fun. It was scary!

Well, the bint hadn’t hit him in the nose or pulled a runner yet, so it looked promising. “Jackin’ up the bar price to pay for fixin’ the damage. Not my fault insurance doesn’t cover act of troll.” He smiled companionably and reached for the bowl of peanuts on the table.

Buffy watched as Xander laughed at something Anya said and wished she could just let loose and relax like that. Wished she could have someone to be with that she could simply enjoy. “Mom guilt you into showing up?”

“No guilt. Figure if we’re gonna keep workin’ together we should at least be able to be in the same room.” He laughed. “Or the same town.”

“You know I’m going to have to stake her,” Buffy glanced at Spike and was surprised to see that he looked more resigned than anything.

“Yeah, love, I know. Would’ve saved you the trouble, but she moved faster than I expected.” Spike sighed. “Can’t say I want my maker dust, but Dru will never stop killin’. They twisted her up right proper. Saw the news. Had her name all over it, what with the dolls and all.”

Buffy could see the hint of sadness in his eyes and decided to let him have a night off from responsibilities too. “We can work out a plan to take her down tomorrow. For now, wanna dance?”

Spike was gobsmacked. The Slayer was willin’ to let him touch her. Okay, maybe not touch exactly, since the song was a fast one, but at least she wasn’t hostile. “Sure.”

“You know, Spike, much as I like the idea of you expanding your wardrobe, it’s what’s on the inside that counts, not the outside. As long as I see the changes in you, that’s what matters.

Spike decided to take that as his crumb. As long as Buffy was willing to admit he was changing, that was the slight opening he needed.

~*~ 

Spike found her later that night where he expected, the old mansion. Dru was crooning to her dollies and dancing with the stars in the courtyard. 

“This is your only chance, pet, for old time’s sake. Leave now and never come back. Forget the Hellmouth and forget me. You come back and I won’t wait for the Slayer. I’ll dust you myself.” He sidestepped her hand as she reached for him. “Not playin’. You made me what I was, but I’m not him anymore. Don’t rightly know exactly who I am at the mo; work in progress here. You’ve no place with me now or in the future.”

Tears began to fall as Dru realized her creation was gone for good. “Oh, my Spike, not even I can help you now.” She fairly glided as she merged with the darkness that enveloped Sunnydale.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N  
> “I Was Made to Love You” (written by Jane Espenson), “The Body” (written by Joss Whedon), “Forever” (written by Marti Noxon) and “Intervention” (written by Jane Espenson)
> 
> From NIH: “Most aneurysms do not show symptoms until they either become very large or burst. Small, unchanging aneurysms generally will not produce symptoms, whereas a larger aneurysm that is steadily growing may press on tissues and nerves. Symptoms may include pain above and behind the eye; numbness, weakness, or paralysis on one side of the face; dilated pupils; and vision changes. When an aneurysm hemorrhages, an individual may experience a sudden and extremely severe headache, double vision, nausea, vomiting, stiff neck, and/or loss of consciousness. Individuals usually describe the headache as “the worst headache of my life” and it is generally different in severity and intensity from other headaches people may experience. “Sentinel” or warning headaches may result from an aneurysm that leaks for days to weeks prior to rupture. Only a minority of individuals have a sentinel headache prior to aneurysm rupture.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Chapter 7  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A robot! A bloody robot! No wonder the pint-sized girl had tossed him through the window like he was a crumpled bit of paper! “Seems this could be helpful, love.”

Spike’s mind was working overtime. “Whoever built this thing has skills, mad skills. Could come in handy in the fight against Glory.”

“Yeah, you just want to track him down so you can have a dolly all your own for sick and evil purposes,” Xander sneered. “You can’t fool anyone, Spike!” He hated seeing the vampire becoming more and more accepted within the group. Even Giles had asked the Evil Undead his opinion on dimensions, for Pete’s sake! 

Spike glared at the boy and then remembered what Joyce had advised. “Don’t project your fantasies on me, Harris. I’m thinkin’ this Glory bint is lookin’ for a key, right? Well, why not build her one?”

Giles looked up from his book with interest. “Just what do you have in mind, Spike?” 

“Figure we have the bloke build us a robot and put just enough magic on it to make the hellbitch think it’s her Key. Get the Bit out of town, somewhere safe, and work it from there.”

Willow nodded, deep in thought. “You know, that might actually work. Glory will read the magic vibes and think it’s how those monks hid her Key.” She grinned. “That could really fool her for a while.”

“All the time we need to get Dawn somewhere out of her reach and figure out how to put the skank down for good,” Spike preened.

“According to what I’ve been reading here, there is a narrow window for Glory to open the door to her dimension with this Key anyway. Yes, it just might buy us enough time to thwart her plan entirely.” He blinked at the idea that they might have to thank Spike for figuring out a way to deal with this mess and was surprised that offering those thanks didn’t rankle nearly as much as he would have expected.

“I hope Buffy finds the guy soon, because who knows how long it would take him to build another robot as believable as the one we saw last night?” Tara squeezed Willow’s hand in excitement.

“Any thoughts on where we could send Dawn and under what pretext?” Giles wondered why none of them had though to move the girl from the onset.

There was silence around the table as each of them tried to think of the best plan. 

“If I were still a vengeance demon I could send her to another plane,” Anya lamented. “Too bad you had to destroy my power center.” She glared at Giles.

“Angel,” Spike said and everyone turned to the door expecting to see his looming figure there.

“The old wanker isn’t good for much, but he could watch over the Bit, for a while at least. Not too far away, but just enough maybe to do the trick.”

“Yes, but would Angel be able to protect her properly?”

“Hopin’ it won’t come to that. Make Glory focus on the bot, meanwhile Dawn lays around in the LA sun and gets a nice tan.”

“It just might work.” Giles smiled.

~*~ 

Spike tossed the smoking blanket in the corner and called out cheerfully, “Joyce?” Nothing to perk up the patient more than knowing they were on to a plan to protect her youngest.

Joyce came into the room, clearly a bit unsteady on her feet. She leaned against the wall and tried to muster a smile at Spike. She had just vomited for the third time and her headache was even worse than before her tumor was removed. “I’m not feeling too well, Spike. Mind if I sit down?”

He moved in a flash to her side and tilted her head up to look at her eyes. They were dilated. “Need more than that, pet.”

He sat her down on the stairs and reached for the phone in what looked like one smooth movement. “Callin’ for the cavalry, Joyce. Think somethin’s not kosher in your noggin’ and the sooner we get the professionals on it, the better.”

He didn’t even bother with more than a short note as the paramedics loaded Joyce into the ambulance. Buffy and the rest would have to get the details at the hospital later.

~*~ 

Dr. Isaacs was grin but optimistic. “You should thank your lucky stars that your boyfriend was there at the time. The aneurysm was near to bursting and I doubt even immediate care from the paramedics could have saved your mother.”

Buffy was shocked and dizzy. First the robot, April, had pretty much died there on the swings and then she had returned home only to find a note to get to the hospital fast. 

She had hoped all the worry over her mom was in the past, but clearly it wasn’t. 

She didn’t even bother to correct the doctor’s assumption that Spike was her boyfriend. Spike’s quick actions had saved her mother’s life and that was all that mattered.

“What are her chances?”

“Pretty good, now that we know the problem and have her here. We can tie it off, a procedure called microvascular clipping. It’s likely that will do the trick, but if it requires more we can do a vascular bypass. Either way, your mom will be in surgery for a while yet.”

If anything, the gang all looked as pale as Spike as they waited for word. Dawn was cradled in Spike’s lap and had cried herself to sleep. For once, Xander didn’t have any snark to throw the vampire’s way.

Buffy looked at her sister and the vampire who was ever surprising her, often helping her and those she loved. She felt a pang in the heart region and wondered just what it all meant.

Why couldn’t her resident menace just go back to being his old, evil, uncomplicated self? Or be good like Angel? Spike had shown that he could be. Oh, yeah…no soul.

Still, Angelus with no soul never did any good. GAAAHHHH It was just all too confusing and making her a bit crazy.

She wished the bane of her existence would just pick a side and stick with it; either put on a white hat or grab up his old black one. How could she be expected to know how to deal with Spike?

One thing for certain though, Spike had earned a place in their lives and in their trust after this day. Life without her mother was unthinkable, unsurvivable. Buffy knew that she would never be able to cope with such a loss, especially not now.

“Thank you, Spike. You saved my mom.” Buffy let the tears fall.

“Think nothin’ of it, love. I’m just thankful I got there when I did.”

“That crumb you were talking about?” Buffy looked him straight in the eye. “You’ve got it.” She saw the awe on his face.

“Didn’t do it for that. Like Joyce and wouldn’t want you to lose her,” Spike admitted quietly.

“I know. That’s why you get the crumb….not a promise, mind you, but I’m open to see how things go in the future. For certain friends.”

The hours stretched until they all felt like screaming. By the time the surgery was over and the doctor came to give the good news, they were all on their last nerve. 

“So Mom’s going to be okay?” Dawn had wakened, blushing to find where she slept.

“There is always reason for concern, but it appears we’ve managed to take care of the problem in the least invasive way. Your mother’s prospects look pretty good.” The doctor smiled wearily. The surgery had been long and delicate and all Dr. Kriegel wanted was a hot bath and some sleep, not a long counseling session with concerned relatives. “Come back in the morning to check on her and we’ll give you a better idea then. Your mother will be in recovery for some time and then will be needing rest.”

Spike looked out at the still dark sky. Not too long before dawn. “Got time to do a quick patrol before running from Mr. Sun. You lot head on home for some rest and I’ll handle it.”

Giles put a restraining hand on the vampire’s arm. “I was thinking that this might be a perfect excuse for Dawn’s absence. We can notify her school and her friends that she will be staying with her father while her mother recovers. Perfectly normal and to be expected. It shouldn’t raise any alarms with Glory.”

“Still think Sir Broods-a-lot would be a better choice,” Spike cautioned.

“Indeed and it is to Angel that we shall send her. The story, however, will be that she has gone to Spain to be with her father.”

Spike nodded in agreement. It was all looking more and more believable.

~*~ 

Angel arrived promptly at sundown over Dawn’s protestations. 

“She’s my mom too, and I don’t want to go while she’s in the hospital.” She wore her most stubborn look and folded her arms defensively.

“You’ll do Mom a lot more good knowing you’re safe than just hanging around during visiting hours. Besides, as soon as she’s out of the hospital and can move, I’ll send her there with you.” Buffy looked hopefully at Angel, who returned the look with one of resignation. 

“I’ll take care of them, Buffy,” he promised. He had plenty on his plate already, cleaning up the aftermath of Harmony’s visit, dealing with Wolfram and Hart, and more issues with Cordy than he wanted to even examine. Still, it was Buffy and she needed him. 

Buffy sighed and relaxed into Angel’s hug. “It’s all been so…so…hard. I mean, Mom’s the one who holds all this together. I’m good at sticking wood into unbeating hearts, not running a house and watching out for Miss Teen Spirit there.”

“So Spike’s been of no real use. No surprise there,” Angel got in a dig with a sneer.

“Hey! Not like I’ve been just sofa surfing here. Been doin’ my part,” Spike railed. “Just need the Bit somewhere that’s not here.”

“’Cause you’re always so very helpful,” Angel began.

“Spike has been a great help. Without him, my mother wouldn’t even be alive. Angel, we called you to help, not come and pick fights with Spike.”

“Thanks, love, but Angel here thinks I couldn’t organize a piss-up in a bewery.”

“I’m not sure what that means, but I am sure he’s wrong.” Buffy smiled sweetly at Spike. “You’ve helped a lot, and not just by saving mom.”

Angel looked petulant. He couldn’t figure out just how the bleached menace had managed to work his way into a place in Buffy’s life and there wasn’t enough time to deal with him just then, but sooner or later he’d get it all sorted. Buffy would expect no less.

“We’re grateful you came and are willing to help,” Buffy tried to placate her former lover.

“I’m not!” Dawn rolled her eyes and grabbed her backpack, nearly knocking over the flowers her mom’s new boyfriend had sent after their date. “I’ll be in the car.” She stalked toward the door and looked outside. “What kind of a vampire drives a convertible anyway?”

Angel hugged Buffy again and glared at Spike. ”Guess there’s no reason for you to continue to stay here then, is there?”

“Suppose not, but that’s for Buffy to decide, not you.” Spike returned the glare. He was not backing down from this issue. Angel was Buffy’s history, and if Spike had anything to do with it, HE was her future.

“Thanks again and try not to let Dawn drive you crazy.” Buffy closed the door behind them and sighed in relief. She had to believe that Dawn would be safe at least for as long as they needed to fix the whole problem of Glory.

~*~ 

“What about my KEY?!” Glory was losing patience with her scabby minions. So far they had learned nearly nothing.

“Your Gloriously Softness, we have information from Ben that indicated that it was a person.” It had not been easy getting that slip from Glory’s human prison, but they had rejoiced at having some news to give their mistress when they did notice it.

“So…,” She smiled in hope, “The Key is in human form!”

“We believe so, Most Magnificent, ahhh, Marvel,” Jinx replied and clapped his hands. It became harder and harder to think of praises for her gloriousness without repeating. She did love new praise all the time. “We feel it must be someone close to the Slayer, someone special to her.”

“Wonderful! Now bring me that human!” Glory growled.

~*~  
The gang gathered at the Magic Box waiting for Buffy to return from her visit with the recovering Joyce. “So this Warren guy says he can’t make another one?” Xander had more than one fantasy about just what he could order from the robot builder.

“He left town while we were at the hospital waiting for news about Joyce,” Tara supplied.

“What happened to the robot he did make, the one Buffy said stopped working?” Willow really wanted a look at the mechanics and programming involved in the making of that little toy.

“It’s in the basement. Buffy didn’t have the heart to treat it as so much scrap,” Giles answered. 

“Hey! I could poke around in it a little, maybe get it working again. I could even try to reprogram it so it could be our fake Key!” Willow was suddenly excited.

“That could work,” Giles brightened. “Best get to work on it quickly then. I fear we are running out of time.”

~*~

“So you’re back home in your crypt then.” Joyce still held Spike’s hand gently, much to his embarrassed joy.

“Back home. Got a bit of repair to do. Seems my ex, or both of ‘em actually, took out a bit of frustration on my things.” Spike winced. Between Dru and Harmony, there was quite a mess to deal with.

“Buffy told me about Dru coming to town. I’m glad she left before you had to kill her.” Joyce understood that even though Spike now loved Buffy, a part of him would always have a tie to Drusilla. “I thought you didn’t have any other girlfriends?”

“Didn’t really. Harmony thought she was mistress of the manor for some reason, even though I kept telling the silly cow that I didn’t want her.”

Joyce remembered the funeral for Harmony Kendall. The girl had been rather lovely but, according to Buffy, vapid. “I remember her. She was quite pretty.”

“All fur coat and no knickers, that was Harm.” Spike laughed at the look of confusion on Joyce’s face. “Means nothing but the pretty face there…no substance. Not like your girl.”

“You’ll still keep an eye on Buffy, won’t you? Even with Dawn safe and away she needs you to help her with this awful Glory person.”

“No fear, Joyce, I’ll keep your girls safe as houses.”

Joyce yawned and sank into the pillows. “’Bout time I let you get a bit of kip then, eh?”

Joyce smiled and waved as her nocturnal visitor left.

_{dream sequence}  
Joyce writhed on the bed deep in a dream._

_Glory was menacing them and Angel was still Buffy’s dearest love. The group had done everything to try to stop the hellbeast to no avail._

_Joyce watched in impotent horror as Angel crept up behind Dawn and broke her neck.  
“It had to be done for the greater good. Now that the Key is gone, there is no danger at all.” Angel turned his sad eyes on them all in explanation._

_“But Dawnie!” Buffy began to cry in his arms._

_“Dawnie never was, Buffy. It was for the greater good. I knew you couldn’t do it and so I did it for you. It was the will of the Higher Powers to sever the Key.”_

_Joyce screamed silently, but no one in her dream heard her. “My baby! NO!”_

_Then the scene changed and it was Riley at Buffy’s side. He had fought with a bit less ability as they all held Glory off as best as they could._

_Finally the hellgod grabbed Riley and left with him as Joyce looked on as if a ghost.  
The poor boy didn’t look good, having been beaten and questioned. His military training had kept him from revealing everything from the beginning, but he was beginning to flag.  
“Tell me who the Key is and I’ll let you go. I don’t know why you are being stubborn about this. It’s not like it’s a real human,” Glory whined._

_Joyce could see Riley mull that over and come to a decision. “Okay. It’s Dawn, the Slayer’s sister.”_

_“Quick, bring me the brat!” Glory rushed out with her minions, the broken soldier forgotten in her haste._

_Joyce watched as Dawn was captured and the gang pummeled Riley with questions. “Why? How could you tell her?” Buffy raged at her boyfriend._

_“Buffy, it’ll buy us time. No matter what they do to Dawn, she’s not really your sister and they’ll leave us alone to have time to plan a way to stop her from opening the dimensions.” He looked determined to make them see his point. “It was the only thing I could do; it was the right thing. Human lives were at stake.”_

_Joyce wept in her sleep as she watched Dawn cringe in terror at the hands of Glory._

“Spike wouldn’t do that! He’ll keep my baby--both of my babies--safe.” Joyce woke in a cold sweat. She tried to calm her breathing as she reminded herself that Spike wouldn’t fold, nor would Dawn’s origins matter to him. He knew that Buffy and she both loved Dawn, and he loved the girl himself. He would never, ever dismiss Dawn as unimportant!

~*~ 

Spike looked up from his housekeeping to see Xander enter. “Oh, it’s you.”

“Look, I know you’re the hero of the hour right now, what with the Joyce save-age and all, but I’m here to warn you that we won’t let you use that as a way to get into Buffy’s pants.”

“Yeah? Can’t see how it’s any business of yours.”

“It is my business because Buffy is my friend and she’s been on an emotional roller-coaster lately, not thinking clearly. You’re taking advantage of that and of her.” He marched up to Spike and stared down at him, “Spike, Buffy has a lot of friends and we love her very much. We’ll do whatever it takes to protect her and if that means dusting you, well, then that’s just a bonus.”

“Slayer know you’re here?”

“No, but that’s not the point. The point is, we’re watching you. Don’t forget that.”

The stare-down was interrupted by the arrival of a herd of hobbits. “Gentlemen,” began Jinx in a sarcastic tone, “I’m sorry to interrupt but I wondered if I might have a moment of your time.” 

Xander went down like a sack of potatoes after a kick to the chin by the surprisingly strong demon. Suddenly the crypt was alive with the little buggers and Spike did his best fending off the blows. Still, there were simply too many to keep control of the fight and he found himself restrained before he had killed more than half of them.

“Tie his hands! Glory will want him restrained,” Jinx ordered. “Take care, she will want the Key intact.”

~*~ 

Glory shot up from the sofa where she was window shopping from Vogue. “What the hell is THAT?”

“O Stunning One, we believe he is…THE KEY!”

“Really? Fantabulous!” She sniffed at Spike and gave her minions a dirty look. “And also impossible. He can’t be the Key, because the Key has to be pure.” She sniffed once more. “This is a vampire. Lesson one: vampires equal impure.”

“Damned right I’m impure.” Spike kept the quiver of fear out of his voice, to his pleasure. “I’m as impure as the driven yellow snow. Let me go.”

“But Your Holiness, we notice how the Slayer had this one living in her own home! The Slayer of Vampires has had him at her side nearly all the time since we first realized she held the Key. Surely there is no reason for the Slayer to host a vampire unless it isn’t really a vampire at all?”

Glory looked over Spike one more time with greater interest. “Maybe there’s something on the inside….” She ran a sharp fingernail over his chest, drawing blood.

“Sod off!” Spike gave her his best defiant look, one that always infuriated Angelus back in the day.

“Let’s take a peek at you, see what I can dig out.” She flung Spike across the room and onto her bed, following right after. Her finger was inside his stomach before he could so much as move. He screamed in agony as she rooted around inside. The pain was searing.

~*~ 

“I’m telling you he’ll sing like a canary.” Xander winced as Anya applied an icepack on his chin.

Buffy paced in agitation. Glory had finally struck. “But why Spike?”

“Because he’s a vampire and therefore evil. She likely realizes he is the best choice to give her the information she seeks.” Giles ignored Buffy’s frown of annoyance. “While I doubt Spike would have ever volunteered the information unsolicited, it isn’t unthinkable that he might well tell Glory what she wants to know given the right circumstances.”

“Like torture,” Anya nodded in agreement. “Vampires can take a lot of torture, but pain is still pain and when there is no pleasure to follow, most vampires don’t like it any more than any human does.”

“We have to get to him and kill him before he spills everything he knows.” Xander pushed Anya aside and headed for the weapons chest.

“There will be no dusting until we know what’s really going on, got that?” Buffy looked positively determined. “If it has to happen, I’ll do it, not you.” She just hoped her vampire was still of the undusty variety.

Willow looked nervously at her two best friends. “We don’t even know where to look.”  
“I think I know where to start,” Buffy replied remembering the snake monster and the area it was headed when she stopped it.

~*~

Spike had not fared well. Every inch of his body was either broken, bruised or bloodied, and he was almost hoping her next trick involved a cylinder of wood meeting his chest. The crazy bint could give Angelus lessons in torture.

He hung from her ceiling from chains that were as strong and tight as any the Council might have used had they been lucky enough to get the drop on him. Glory drew a small dagger and made a deep cut in his chest as Spike yelled in pain. “Think I can do you in one long strip?”

Dusting was one thing, but being skinned and left alive was quite another. Spike had to get away or find some other way to goad the bitch into killing him. He coughed up a bit of blood. “Enough,” he said weakly, “No more. I’ll tell you who the sodding Key is.” He broke off in a fit of coughing, making any speech impossible.

Glory was so eager to get the information she gave him a sip of her wine to soothe the cough. “Better? Think you can talk again?” Spike nodded. “Good, because I’m tired of all these games.” She broke the wineglass and jammed it into his cheek for emphasis. “You’re a very needy little bloodsucker and that’s not very attractive.” 

Glory’s voice at the last sounded a bit weak to Spike and he took heart. He watched as the hellgod swayed and clutched her head. “Not now!”

Suddenly there stood the young doctor who had comforted his Bit when she ran away, the one who had helped with Joyce. The doctor was Glory! Ever since they had learned that the hellgod was encased in a human prison, they had tried to think of how they could get her to reveal her more vulnerable self to them. Now she had and Spike wasn’t able to let anyone else know.

Her minions rushed to steady their goddess and the young man shoved them aside. “Don’t touch me!” He looked at Spike in bewilderment. “What’s my sister been up to now?” Before he could reach the chains binding Spike, the transformation came over him and once more Glory stood before the bleeding vampire.

“Where was I? Oh, yeah…,” She grabbed Spike’s chin and squeezed. “So start talkin’.”

“Right, the Key. Here’s the thing….” He wracked his brain trying to think of a good stall or something guaranteed to get him staked. He tested the chains again and felt a slight give when he pulled hard. He worked it as he stumbled through a bluff.

“It’s that guy on TV, what’s his name?”

“On the television?”

“Yeah, that soap opera with the witch. Plays the doll, midget or something.”

Murk looked gleeful. “Passions, yes! We have seen this Passions. Josh Ryan Evans plays this Timmy you speak of!” Jinx clapped excitedly as Murk continued, “We will bring you the limp and broken body of this actor.”

Glory had had enough. “It’s not this Tommy. The Key is new to this world and this soap has been on for a couple of years,” She glared at a laughing Spike. “What, you think you’re the only one with free time to kill in the afternoon? The vampire is obviously lying.”

Spike mustered up a slight giggle. “Yeah, but it was fun and guess what, bitch?” He continued to loosen the chains on his wrists as he distracted her into fury. “I’m not telling you jack. You’re never gonna get your soddin’ Key. I had no idea that gods were such prancing lightweights. Mark my words, the Slayer is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass back to whatever place would take a cheap, whorish, fashion victim ex-god like you.”

Her spin kick was brilliant and landed smack in the middle of his chest causing him to crash through the apartment door and out into the hall. “Good plan, Spike,” he half-congratulated himself.

Glory yelled for her shocked minions to retrieve the escapee as Spike limped his way down the hall to the elevator. He managed to pry it open and fall through just as Murk came around the corner and saw his escape route.

By the time the elevator had descended and Spike stumbled/fell his way out of it, the lobby of the apartment building was crawling with Scoobies. Spike was even glad to see Xander! He let himself just go with the pain and collapsed knowing he was not going to be of any help in this fight at all.

~*~ 

Buffy finished up the minions and tore through the now vacant apartment searching for the bitch-in-heels who threatened her family and now had done such damage to her vampire. Glory was nowhere to be found, however. Neither were Spike, Giles and Xander by the time she returned to the lobby.

“Where’d they go?”

“They took Spike out of here. Said they’d meet us back at the Magic Box,” Willow informed her. “Did you get Glory?”

“No, she got away.” Buffy sighed in exasperation. “I’m really getting tired of her and of all this.”

Buffy worried about Spike all the way to the shop. She knew that neither Xander nor Giles would dust him as they had threatened. She had made her views on that pretty clear. Besides, based on how he looked, he hadn’t given Dawn up. 

Her head shot up as the bell announced the return of her Watcher and her friend. “What’d you guys do with Spike?”

“We dumped him back in his crypt,” Xander supplied.

Buffy frowned. He was in no shape to fight off more of Glory’s minions if they wanted him back. 

“We did try to find out if he’d told her anything, but he was too badly beaten to make much sense,” Giles added.

“Of course he didn’t say anything! Why do you think he was such a mess? Besides he loves Dawn.” Buffy reminded them.

“I’m going over there to make sure Glory doesn’t get hold of him again. I’ll take him some blood. He looked terrible, from what I saw while fighting.”

~*~ 

Spike lay on the sarcophagus, looking like he belonged inside it. His face was swollen and he was covered in blood and injuries.

“Why didn’t you talk?” Buffy wondered aloud. This was a demon, one without a soul and yet he had taken this abuse with no reason to hope for rescue in order to protect her sister, to help her.

“If anything happened to Dawn, it'd be too much for you and your mum. I care about her too, but I couldn’t live with you bein’ in that much pain. I’d let Glory kill me first. She nearly bloody did.”

Buffy looked him over silently and knew in her heart that he spoke no less than the truth. Soul or no soul, his heart led him to good choices. She leaned forward and kissed him lightly on his swollen lips.

Spike looked at her worshipfully. 

“What you did, Spike, I’ll never forget it.”

“Ta, love. You don’t owe me a thing.”

Buffy knew he spoke from that great heart of his and really wasn’t planning on calling in any favors or taking advantage. Her mom was right on many levels regarding Spike and she could see it for herself now.

“Spike, I’ve been thinking. Glory is in human form at times. We can’t seem to kill her or even hurt her much when she’s all hellgod mode, but maybe if we could get to her when she changes we could beat her then.”

“’Bout that, love, she changed while she was redecoratin’ my body. Got a good look at that human.”

“That’s great! What did she look like?”

“You know the berk. Name’s Ben somthin’, he’s a doctor at the hospital where your mum’s healin’.”

“Wait? You’re saying that the doctor Ben might know something about Glory?”

That began one of the strangest conversations of Spike’s unlife and given the many he had with Dru, that took some doing. Before too long he realized there had to be magic involved. No point in frustrating himself or Buffy by continuing this exercise in futility.

“Never mind, Slayer.” He had to chuckle, even though it hurt. “I’ll take it up with the whole lot of you later. Figure a way to get through. Meanwhile, we can work a plan to get rid of the human just like you were saying.”

Buffy blinked, having clearly forgotten all about his information about Ben being Glory. “Right. Anyway, I was thinking that you won’t be any help in dealing with the human because of the chip.”

Spike felt deflated. Now thanks to the bloody soldiers, he couldn’t even help in the endgame at all. 

“So I think we need to look for a doctor to get it out.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Occasional snippets of dialogue from the following episodes: “Tough Love ” (written by Rebecca Kirsher), “Spiral” (written by Steven DeKnight), “Weight of the World”(written by Doug Petrie) and “Over the Rainbow”, (AtS episode written by Mere Smith)

~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~  
Chapter 8  
~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~  
 _  
“Never mind, Slayer.” He had to chuckle even though it hurt. “We’ll take it up with the whole lot of you later. Figure a way to get through. Meanwhile, we can work a plan to get rid of the human just like you were saying.”_

_Buffy blinked, having clearly forgotten all about his revelation about Ben being Glory._

_“Right. Anyway, I was thinking that you won’t be any help in dealing with the human because of the chip.”_

_Spike felt deflated. Thanks to the bloody soldiers he couldn’t even help in the end-game._

_“So I think we need to look for a doctor to get it out.”_

Spike lay still and tried to decide if which parts were real and which were a dream. Surely the bits about the Slayer trusting him enough to remove the hardware was the latter. The twinge in the back of his skull begged to differ, however.

He would always remember the short argument. In losing, he had won. He remembered feeling the weight of responsibility as Buffy laid it out for him. Killing humans was a choice, one he would have to look in the eye daily and decide against. 

So fierce was his Buffy! “Look, the chip was a good thing, I suppose. It let you start to think of us as more than just food. You started to… care about some of us, find other ways to feed your needs. Still, what the Initiative did was wrong and two wrongs don’t make a right.”

He’d blinked in amazement. “Yeah, but I guess what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Did my share of damage over the years.”

Buffy laughed. “You’re still talking about cooked dead geese.” 

Her mood turned serious again. “Isn’t it a bigger challenge fighting demons anyway? What big is it to fight a human? Even Xander, who has field time under his belt and has taken out his share of vamps, isn’t really a challenge. So….what do you THINK? You can control your behavior? Make your own choices?” Buffy looked at him with such confidence. “Or are you like the Council says? Just an animal, one who can’t even think for yourself; less than a cat or a dog? With the chip in, you have no choice; with it out, you do. You can choose to be who I see you becoming. You can decide for yourself. You can control how you feed. You can still fight, only against demons and other vamps--worthy opponents, the way you like to fight. I believe in you.” She stared at him in silence as she waited for him to gain control of the many emotions she saw flickering over his face. “So…who’s in control of Spike?”

“Hey, thought you were gonna sleep forever!” Buffy smoothed the worried frown that had been on her face for the past few hours. She had a terrible fear that the doctor she had enlisted for Spike’s surgery might have caused permanent injury during the procedure.   
Clearly the man had been unnerved performing his skills in the middle of a crypt in Restview. At least none of her friends or her Watcher would think to look there, not since Spike had been living with Joyce all this time.

“Traditional for the dead, yeah?” Spike quipped. He noted the fear wafting off Buffy and wondered if things had gone wrong. Nope, all parts seemed to be working. His one fear had been to be left a cripple again, but it seemed the doctor had been up to the task at hand. “Dawn make it off to LA safely?”

“She’s annoying Angel even as we speak.” Buffy smiled at the memory of how many excuses and alternate plans Angel had tried to come up with to avoid becoming guardian of the fuming teenager. Safe or not, the last thing Dawn had wanted was to be shuffled away from her mother so soon after nearly losing her. The LA crew were in for a rare treat in trying to control a miffed Dawn!

“What did your Watcher say about your little decision to take the leash off yours truly?” Spike was actually surprised not to see the grim man looming over him, stake in hand.

“Haven’t told him…or the Scoobies.” Buffy noted the shock on Spike’s face at that bit of news. “I don’t think they’re ready for that leap of faith just yet. Maybe never,” she chuckled nervously. In truth, Buffy wasn’t sure SHE was either, not entirely. She was placing a big gamble based on so little: seeing Spike truly try to be decent and her mother’s encouragement to have faith in what she saw, not what she was conditioned to believe. It was not that much to go on, all things considered, and plenty to risk. Still, if they were going to have any chance of defeating Glory and Glory spent part of her time in a human body, Buffy needed Spike whole. If she were wrong…well, she’d always done her duty before and would again if need be.

Spike looked deeply into Buffy’s eyes, searching for some clue to her decision. “Maybe all that workplace contact’s gotten to you too and I’m not the only one with highly inappropriate feelings?” God, he wished she’d make that particular dream come true like she had the one about being rid of the chip.

“I could never trust you enough to love you, Spike,” Buffy swore, her big eyes round with alarm. Sure, she didn’t feel any hatred toward the vampire any longer, even found him pleasant to be around at times, easy on the eyes too, but not love. It could never be love. Buffy loving vampires was a ‘been there, done that and didn’t even get the t-shirt’ thing. It had to be.

“Yet you removed the chip,” Spike reminded her softly. He could sense the barriers go up in the girl and sighed. May not be love, may never get there, given the mess left by his Sire, but at least there was something. He’d had to make do with less. “On that note, think I’ll go with the urge and sleep a bit, let those vampire healing benefits do their work.” Much as he loved looking at her, he hated seeing that closed off look come over her face. Sleep would be good. He couldn’t say the wrong thing then.

Buffy looked down at the paler than usual vampire and felt the confusing mix of emotions she had begun to get used to when contemplating Spike. She felt something. In her deepest heart she knew that was beyond changing and beyond denial. He had found a place in her heart in spite of herself, just as he had wormed his way into her life and family. She would have to guard herself well if she didn’t want to find herself in a place where the worst consequences were a reality.

It had been far easier to find a surgeon to remove the chip than Buffy would have expected. She wondered anew why Spike had only tried for its removal that one time. He was far from stupid, nor was he unresourceful. There had to be some reason, one she would likely never understand. Her mom had said she thought Spike had made a conscious choice to keep it so that he could stay close by. God, if that were true! …. Buffy wasn’t sure what to believe the vampire was capable of choosing. 

Ever since the brain tumor, her mom had become a one-woman cheer squad where Spike was concerned. No, that wasn’t fair; Joyce hadn’t pushed. What she had done was talk often about his good points, about Buffy needing to look at the advantages of Spike being part of her life, her calling. Buffy knew that a large part of her mother’s reasoning was the desire to keep Buffy alive as long as possible, even to old age, and that she saw Spike as being a tool to help that happen. That wasn’t fair either. Her mom actually liked Spike and he clearly cared for the human woman more than Buffy could have imagined, even saving her life. For that last reason alone, Buffy could never go back to hating Spike, even if she did face the possibility of having to stake him one day.

“Don’t make me do it, Spike. I really don’t want to have to take you out,” she whispered.

“Not gonna do anything you’d hate, Slayer,” the not-so-asleep Spike responded as he reached for her hand. “I promise I won’t let you have any regrets for this day’s work. Love you too much to put you through that. I’d remake myself; been trying to. I’d turn myself inside out if you asked.”

At that moment, Buffy wished she could give Spike what he wanted, what he had already earned. Those days of just feeling what her heart demanded with no thought to horrors in the future were gone; they had walked away in the smoke along with Angel. “Spike, it isn’t fair to you, I know. I can’t feel what you do, can’t give you what you need. Too many people…too many things….” She saw the look of resignation on his face and knew that he already understood, maybe he always had. “That doesn’t mean I don’t feel something.” She couldn’t stop herself. “Maybe one day….”

Spike smiled ruefully. “Well, that’s a really big crumb right there then. Think I’ll take that and cut my losses.” He laughed and did his best to make light of it, lest she run away from the small admission of softer emotion.

A change of subject was in order before the doe bolted. “Witches any closer to a solution to the memory problem about who’s the softer side of that Glory bint? Gotta tell you it’s right annoyin’ havin’ all of you act as dim as Harris on a good day when I try to clue you in.”

“Will thinks she’s come up with a way to make a charm we can wear that will let us remember when you tell us. We won’t know if it works, though, until you’re ready to lock and load again.”

“Try it in a tick then. Need to have the Scoobies back to their regular brand of ‘frustrate the Spike’ instead of the kind that would give Dru a run for her money.” Spike frowned. “Chip out, I might accidentally do more than bitch slap one of ‘em if this keeps up!” His smile and slight laugh took the threat from the comment. Buffy’s return smile showed it did the job.

~*~

The group was looking glum. All the open books on the table screamed of frustrated research while the invisible clock was running down on their available time to come up with a workable plan.

Joyce was beginning to get an insider’s look at all these young people and how they had helped her eldest over the years. She shared a smile with Giles and patted his hand in reassurance. “You’ve all done this before and succeeded; you will again. With Dawn safely away, you have some of the pressure off. Much as I don’t care for my baby being in the hands of that man, I am grateful for Angel helping out this way.”

“What about her school?” Giles inquired. “I’m just relieved the new principal isn’t an utter baboon in the style of Snyder. The poor girl has enough on her plate without her education being imperiled.” Giles shuddered as he remembered the tin-pot dictator of a principal who had made his job far harder than necessary when Giles had been using the cover of school librarian. 

“Mrs. Stevens was actually quite understanding. I told her a little fib about my sick sister in Michigan and she kindly arranged for all the school work Dawn needed to complete to be put together. She even sent her best wishes for Arlene’s recovery. Piece of cake!” Joyce smiled in genuine pride. “In fact, she said that Dawn is quite talented, especially with languages. She said Dawn has a very sharp mind, when she puts forth the effort. I don’t think she’ll even need summer school.”

“Excellent.” Giles looked up as the bell over the door announced the arrival of Buffy and a slightly wobbly Spike. Really, he had thought the vampire would be further healed than this by now!

Xander must have been thinking along those lines as well. “So why’s the walking wounded here? Not that we aren’t all grateful he managed to keep his yap shut with Glory, but unless he’s suddenly able to do research, I don’t see why he’s here.”

“He’s here because we need him.” Buffy had a look on her face that made Willow’s ‘resolve face’ look positively wishy-washy. “If Glory attacks again or comes after another one of us we need his strength.”

“The hell we do!”

“Look, this isn’t a discussion. He stays. Get over it.”

Giles looked from one to the other and then at the slightly swaying vampire and decided not to venture his true opinion. He could see that Buffy was firmly decided. “Well, Buffy does have a point. In a confrontation, Spike might prove useful.”

“How? By falling on Glory? Tripping her with his passed out body?” Xander sneered at the vampire in question.

“No point to bang on about it, bricklayer!” Spike eased into a chair. “Least I know the flesh prison Glory’s stuffed into.” 

“Yes, about that….” Giles looked at Willow hopefully. “Do you have the charms ready to try out?”

Tara reached into her bag and pulled out several small, fragrant pouches on a string and began to hand them out. “If they work, we should wear them at all times until we’ve finally beaten Glory.”

Anya took a deep whiff of the pouch, “Hmm, lemon balm, anise, a hint of artemisia …can’t make out the rest. Basic counter-magic charm then?”

Willow beamed with pride. “More complex than that! My own recipe. I think it will do the job.”

“Why don’t we give it a try then?” Joyce suggested as she donned a bag.

Seven pairs of hopeful eyes turned to Spike. He took a deep breath and tried not to expect too much. Willow was a powerful witch, but her spells never seemed to work as well as one would hope. “Glory is that doctor Ben.”

“The one who helped when I was in the hospital?” Joyce looked shocked. “He seemed like such a nice young man!”

“Likely is, to a point. Knows all about Glory though, and didn’t do a thing to stop what was happenin’ when he made his appearance at my little encounter with the bitch.”

“You’ve no doubt about this at all?” Giles’ penetrating glaze brooked no subterfuge.

“Not likely to forget, Watcher. One minute Glory was parin’ me like a red delicious and the next, the good doctor--not lookin’ so pretty in a red dress, I might add--was yellin’ and cursin’ enough to near make ME blush.” 

There was utter silence as they all absorbed the identity of Glory’s human side.

“Hey!” Willow’s face nearly glowed with triumph. “It worked! We all heard and remember!”

“Indeed!” Giles thought once more about the need to get a proper instructor for the talented witch before she became too cocky for her own good. “Nicely done, Willow… Tara.”

His expression turned grim. “That is the Achilles heel then. We will need to attack when Glory is in this form, not as a goddess.” Looking from one shocked face to the other, he held his ground. “It is the only way.”

“But,” began a horrified Joyce, “He’s just a young man. A healer with a kind heart and gentle touch.”

“He’s the only way to make Dawn safe and to keep the entire world from being destroyed,” Giles leveled a no-nonsense look at the gentle lady. “The needs of the many….”

“Outweigh the needs of the few, or the one,” finished Xander for him. “Star Trek, Wrath of Khan…a classic!”

“Precisely,” Giles agreed.

Buffy was squirming in her chair. “I know you’re right, Giles, but I’m not sure I can just kill an innocent human. The monks should have made Dawnie Faith’s sister, not mine.” She looked utterly miserable.

“We’ll take care of it, pet.” Spike wished he could pull her into his arms and give her the comfort she so obviously needed. Her heart was all about protecting the innocent and this was an impossible demand to be made of her. He silently damned the monks and the Powers for putting her in this position.

“How you planning to take care of anything, Spikey? You’ll be trying to keep your brains from oozing out your ears while Ben does a beatdown on your chipped ass and I can’t see how that will help anyone, in spite of the amusement factor.” Xander shook his head and rolled his eyes. Clearly Spike wanted to play the hero even though he was completely incapable of being of any use.

Buffy jerked to attention. Nope, not the time to mention the chipectomy. “We were thinking that since Glory is a god sharing Ben’s body that he might not be completely human either. Maybe Spike’s chip won’t stop him from helping to take him out.

“If nothing else, I can be there to jump in if Benny does the whole personality switch.” Spike looked at Buffy with gratitude. It was nice to not feel useless in her eyes.

“Excellent points,” Giles concurred. “I suppose we should make some concrete plans now that we know Glory’s weak spot.” He looked at Buffy and his expression gentled. “You won’t have to bear this burden, Buffy. Spike and I will handle it. You can work on a back-up line of offense should we fail.”

“Time to get crackin’ then. No time to nonce about,” Spike rubbed his hands and leaned in toward the Watcher, ready for a battle plan. “What about the robot girl?” Spike knew they had been working as hard on reprogramming that as Buffy had been in getting him fit for battle. 

“We’ve made certain to be seen with April often in public. Very protective too, so any of Glory’s goons should have noticed something.”

“Where is she…er, it now?” Buffy inquired. 

Willow went into the training room and returned with April in tow. “Hello, Buffy.” The robot gave a saccharine smile. “I’m so happy to see you. I feel safe again. You are my protector and also quite pretty.”

~*~

Glory let the FedEx man fall gibbering at her feet. “Ah, vitamins! I feel SO much better.” She kicked the slobbering man and snapped her fingers towards her minions. “Be dears and take the trash out.”

Three scabby monks rushed to do the honors. 

“You! Dopey…Grumpy…Doc, whatever your name is…”

“Jinx, most juicilicious one!”

“Yeah, whatever. I think you better rack your little minion brain and tell me everything you saw when you were spying on the Slayer and her wacky pals. Maybe then I’ll figure out who the Key is. They’d have to be new to her circle.”

“Well, most exquisite, highly tenderized one, there is a young woman that all the Slayer’s friends are keeping quite close. She is not a demon or a Slayer, but more powerful than a mere human. I myself witnessed her throw a rather large college boy across a room! The Slayer whisked her away quite quickly after that and they have kept her hidden for the most part. 

Glory gave a half smile, then her gaze hardened to one of resolve. “You all know your assignments. I think it’s time to collect the Key!”

~*~  
Meanwhile in LA  
~*~ 

Lorne poured straight vodka, hold the cranberry, hold the orange. “I don’t know where she is! I mean, my world, sure, but who knows if she’s even…. NO!” The thought of Cordelia already being dead was unthinkable. “God, I wish I could get drunk.” He threw back the glass and coughed as the liquor hit the back of his throat.

Wesley looked harried. “Okay, lets approach this logically.”

“Screw logic,” bellowed Angel. “We’re getting Cordy back.” He grasped the book that Cordy had read from before being sucked into the portal. “We’re gonna open another portal and go in after her!”

Wesley took in the look of horror on Lorne’s face and cautioned, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I don’t care what you think, Wes.”

“But we’re completely unprepared! We should go back to the hotel and research.” Wesley saw he was not getting through to the stubborn vampire. “Besides, there’s Dawn Summers to consider.”

Angel didn’t even flinch. “The kid’ll be fine. You’ll hire a babysitter or something, and I don’t wanna research, alright? I want to jump through the big swirly hole thingy and save Cordelia.” He opened the book and began to read from it.

“You might never be able to get back!” Wesley was alarmed at the lack of caution being shown by Angel in his single-minded pursuit of what he perceived as the right plan. “Besides that, you shouldn’t go alone.” He only hoped he had purchased a bit of time with that suggestion.

“It’s Cordy,” Angel replied as if that was the answer to all their collective concerns.

“Krv drpglr pwlz,” he continued reading.

“Oh crap!” Lorne muttered before ducking below the bar, taking the vodka bottle with him.

Nothing happened.

“Maybe I have to be standing where the portal is supposed to open?” He tried again with no success. 

Angel stalked over to Lorne and lifted the cowering demon by his lapels. “Why isn’t this thing working? What am I doing wrong?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know how it works.” Lorne was near to crying in his emotional upheaval.

Angel, looking more Angelus like by the minute, threw the book. “Damn it!”

Wesley took a deep breath, “There is obviously not going to be any swirly hole to jump through, so perhaps that research I suggested earlier?”

Lorne looked relieved. “Yeah, right! Also that cute kid to see to. Wouldn’t want to disappoint the Slayer.”

“I suggest we return to the hotel and figure out what steps we need to take.”

Angel grasped Lorne by the arm and picked up the book in passing. “Come on, you’re helping.”

~*~ 

Joyce folded Dawn’s laundry and tried to keep herself from crying. Would her two girls ever really be safe? What could a mother do to prevent any harm from coming to either of them? She was just a fragile human, as her close brush with death had just underlined for her. So lost in her worries was she that she didn’t hear the soft footsteps of Spike as he came up behind her.

“Don’t fret, Joyce, I’ll protect your girls.” He grabbed the laundry basket before the startled woman dropped it. “Know it’s not much--I’m not much--but I’ve made it my purpose now. Not gonna let any nasty get either of them.”

She looked at the sincere vampire standing before her and knew she had made the right decision regarding him and her Buffy. As long as Spike had Buffy’s back, it doubled her chances of seeing a long life. What more could a mother ask?

“I know, Spike. That’s more than enough. Knowing they won’t be alone against all the monsters will let me have some hope.” 

“That’s a boatload of manly responsibility there, missus. Hope I don’t let you down.”

“I think you’re up to it.”

“Speakin’ of 'up to it'…how you feelin’?” He’d been watching Buffy’s mom carefully and could detect no further complications from the tumor or surgeries. “Keepin’ up your rest and recuperation like a good girl?”

“For the most part. I won’t really rest, though, until this whole Glory business is over and my girls are back to normal.” Joyce sat next to Spike on the cot and idly caressed one of Dawn’s t-shirts in the basket. “They are all I have, you know. I don’t think I’d want to live if I lost either of them.”

“I know that. Not gonna be a concern then, is it?” Spike smiled gently. Deep in his long dead heart, he knew it went both ways. If anything had happened to this gentle lady, neither Buffy nor Dawn would ever be the same. She was the heart of the family, the glue that kept them together.

“Do you think this plan will work then? That robot looks real enough, but will she fool Glory?”

“Not for long, no. Hope it will buy us a bit of time is all. Rupes and I have a plan put together and that should end it completely.”

Joyce looked at Spike and wasn’t sure if she should say what was on her mind or not, but finally decided he had a right to know. “I think Buffy cares far more than she will admit at this point, Spike.”

“Course she cares, Joyce! She loves Dawn and her duty is always important to her.”

“No, I mean about you.”

Spike gulped, completely unsure if he wanted to have his small hopes fueled this way. “She’s nicer, yeah. Seein’ me as an ally, not a foe.”

“Angel hurt her badly,” Joyce reminded him. “Your being a vampire is always going to be an obstacle.”

“Can’t very well change that.”

“No, but be patient with her and she’ll see you aren’t like Angel. I think she is already seeing that.” Joyce turned her sincere gaze on him and hoped that would be enough to bind him for now.

“Damned right I’m not Angel!” Spike spoke more forcefully than he wanted to and Joyce easily saw the conflict of emotions play across his face at the very thought. “Would never leave those I love, even if I had to keep my distance!” 

“You’re very loyal,” Joyce nodded in agreement.

“’S more than that. Angel isn’t that different from Angelus in many ways. The same character flaws. Has to be the one makin’ all the decisions, the one in charge. Everyone else be damned. Knows how to manipulate and play games too, just like his unsouled self.” He closed his eyes and leaned back against the basement wall. “It was never about that with me. Loved the fight…the chase…the kill, I won’t lie.” He opened one eye and gauged Joyce’s reaction. He saw a slight flinch but ultimate acceptance from her and continued. “Never cared one bit about his idea of art. Never wanted to make others dance to my tune either. And I damn well respect Buffy enough to let her make her own choices.”

“I know you are very different from Angel, Spike,” Joyce assured him. “I wouldn’t be encouraging you to be around my girls if I thought you weren’t. I’d either run you out of town or stake you myself.” She smiled. “The last thing I’d be doing is trying to help Buffy see what a fine partner you’d make.”

Spike was shocked into silence at that. So that’s why the Slayer had begun to look upon him more kindly! Good woman, that Joyce Summers!

~*~ 

Down the hotel hallway, Dawn was listening in. Just like at home, the only way to find out anything was to eavesdrop. No one ever told her anything!

Angel looked anxious. Actually, he looked the same as always. Every facial expression on Angel was identical--not like Spike! Still, he WAS pacing and his voice sounded anxious.

“Start talking,” he ordered a nervous Lorne. Dawn had liked the Host immediately when they’d been introduced. He was the first demon she’d met other than Angel and Spike, and if he were any indication of the possibilities, she hoped Buffy hadn’t accidentally killed any nice demons over the years. She would have to make sure Buffy met this guy. 

“Look, it’s no secret that I hate Pylea, my home dimension. Back when I lived there I would have done anything to get out. ANYTHING. So one day, five years ago, I was in the woods, when suddenly right in front of me, out of nowhere, a portal appeared. It was as if my prayers had finally been answered.” Lorne sighed at the happy memory. “So you see, I don’t know HOW the portal comes to be. I didn’t even know it was a portal then, just that it looked out on a place that wasn’t Pylea.”

Wes looked intrigued. “Then who opened the portal? Who had this book?”

“I don’t know. Someone here in this dimension, I suppose. This dimension which I love and adore and will never, never, never, ever leave, by the way.”

Angel was exasperated. No one was giving him what he wanted, just endless, useless stories. “So where did you end up in this dimension?”

“An abandoned building. That’s when I realized I’d been delivered from hell.” He heard the gasps from Gunn and Wes at that. “I created Caritas on that very spot.”

Angel’s jaw looked more locked that usual. Dawn feared it would stick that way. 

“So you’re saying that Pylea is a hell dimension, that Cordy is stuck in hell?”

Dawn gasped. So Cordy wasn’t just on a shopping spree with Angel’s credit card! No wonder all the ‘kick ass and take names’ looks! ‘Speaking of looks…seems that Angel has moved on from Buffy,’ Dawn surmised. ‘Cordy, huh?!’ Well, at least Angel had experience in dealing with bitches on wheels. She was pretty sure, however, that bit of news was one Buffy wouldn’t want to hear, like, ever!

As they continued talking, Dawn was mulling over all the cool blackmail info she now had on the LA gang. Maybe Angel would loan that magic plastic to her before she headed home. There was a cute outfit at Limited that was just begging to be bought!

But wait a tick, as Spike would say, they were planning to dump her off with some guy named Merl while they went off and played “Sliders,” going off to some other world. No way! No one put Baby in a corner OR left Dawn Summers behind while they had all the fun! They didn’t know who they were toying with.

“When separate entities enter a dimensional portal they tend to separate. Assuming we find another hot-spot and manage to open another portal, if we simply jump in we could end up literally on opposite ends of the world.” Wes slumped in his chair and looked harried.

Angel was on mission. “We’ve got to find a dimensional hot-spot and then figure how we can all get through the portal without separating.”

Lorne began to squirm. “I meant the ‘not going’ part. You DO know I’m not going, right?”

Annoyed was too small a word for what Angel was feeling. “But it’s your world and we need a guide.”

“And I need to never go back there again. Remember when I said that I loved this dimension and I’m never, never, ever gonna leave? Well, exactly which   
’never’ did you not understand?” Lorne saw the thundercloud over Angel without having to withstand a chorus of Copacabana. “Tell you what, I’ve got an idea about finding that hot-spot. Back in a jiff.” He headed for the inner office and the phone there.

The group could barely hear his side of the conversation, but Angel’s vampiric hearing did just fine, allowing him to get a bit of the dialogue.

“Dimensional portals, psychic hot-spots…I need to find one, cupcake.”

A woman sounded amused and curious. “Why?”

“Some friends are planning a little trip to the old homestead.”

The woman sighed. “Lorne, I can find your hot-spot, but on one condition. You have got to go with them. It’s the only way you’ll ever resolve all those issues that keep clouding up your aura. I can see it, and, be honest, deep down you’ve always known you’d have to take that one last trip home.”

 

“It’s the ‘last’ part of that sentence that scares me.”

“Well,” the lady laughed, “Sometimes the journey is taken simply because it must be taken. Is that vague enough for you?”

Lorne frowned. “Is that what I sound like? Sheesh, no wonder people complain!”

~*~

The attractive brunette smiled at Glory from across the room. She gave a small wave but said nothing.

“So it’s her. Under our noses all this time. I like the detail work those monks did.” Glory glanced over April in approval. “Quirks, foibles, passions…it’s all so cute! So human, you know?”

The relieved minions all nodded like bobble-head figures and grinned like fools. Perhaps they would be permitted to assist the magnificent one in her bathing later!

Glory moved closer to April. “Pretty convincing, really.” She whipped about in fury as the minions scattered. “But not convincing enough. This, this…THING isn’t even alive. Less than that vampire you brought me! You have less brain power than the meat bags I suck dry! How many times are you going to disappoint me this way?” She picked up one minion and ripped his arms off, tossing them and him across the room. “Worthless, scabby peons!”

Jinx dared to approach but took care to stay out of arm’s reach. “Most fantastical creamy one, we shall not fail you again. The Slayer has only a few friends. Surely we will find the one housing your Key soon!”

Glory brightened up at that.“Right! All I gotta do is rip through them one by one until we find it.” She plunged her hand into the still smiling robot and ripped out the power supply, leaving April to her final good-bye without a word.

~*~ 

Wes was still working on a way to keep them all together when going through the portal. “Perhaps a binding spell?”

“Good!” Angel was impatient and ready to go with no further delay. “Let’s do that and get going.”

“However, we could emerge on the other side as some freakish hybrid Siamese twin of some sort.” Wes shivered at the thought. 

Even Angel could see the disadvantages of that. “Keep looking.”

“I keep seeing a reference to iron or metal. That could be a clue to how to prevent us from scattering.”

Angel thought for a moment, “Handcuffs? Would handcuffs work?”

“I’m fairly certain that handcuffs wouldn’t do the job,” Wes admitted.

“Well, what will?” Angel was ballistic. “It’s been twelve hours since Cordy’s been in that dimension. No telling what could be happening to her.”

Wesley had the beginnings of a slight smile. “I was just thinking of that old car of yours. Back in that day, automobiles were made from metal, not fiberglass. I wonder if we could simply drive through the portal?”

‘YES!’ Dawn could have kissed Wes for thinking of that! The car was perfect. Cars had trunks and she was still small enough to fit. They’d never even know she was there until it was too late. Merl schmerl, she was ready for a real road trip! Bring it on!

The hot-spot was not far and the gang was all present and accounted for, even the one they didn’t know was with them. 

“Alright then,” Wesley urged, clutching the book tightly to his chest. “I suppose we should probably begin. Everyone set?”

“Let’s get a move on,” nodded Gunn.

Dawn was more than ready. Already the trunk felt stuffy, but it would be worth the nervous butterflies. ‘Buffy is so gonna kill me!’ She shuddered and then smiled rather evilly. ‘Right after she stakes Angel!’

“Take a good look around and say goodbye,” Angel said as Wesley began to read from the book. 

Lorne looked even more green than usual, if that were possible. “Can we ix-nay on the good-bye part?”

In front of the convertible, a portal shimmered into existence and Angel drove headlong into it.

Almost instantly the car filled with humans, demons and one former green ball of energy disappeared with a pop.

~*~ 

Glory sat bolt upright in her bed and let out a loud scream. “GONE! My Key is gone!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: “It's Not Easy Being Green” by Joe Raposo, “Mommy’s Little Monster” by Social Distortion

~*~   
Chapter 9  
~*~

 

Buffy sat across the table from her mom. It seemed like forever since they’d had a heart-to-heart talk. With Dawn currently safe and plans and back-up plans in various stages of progress, it was safe to act like a normal mother and daughter for a while.

“I had a dream.” Buffy stirred her tea and looked at her mom. “Remember how I told you about that first Slayer, the Rasta chica with a bad make-up job?”

“I remember. She sounded rather frightening.” Joyce recalled how Buffy and her friends and Watcher had been unnerved for days after dreaming of that one the previous year. 

“Well, in this one she was telling me how I was full of love, but that I was always rejecting it. How love is pain and that a Slayer forges strength from pain.” Joyce’s brows rose, but she remained silent. “She said I had to forgive and also had to risk pain. She said love would bring me a gift.”

“Interesting. Is this one of your Slayer dreams, dear?”

“I’m not sure. It felt kinda real but not real at the same time.” Buffy bit her lip. “I guess I have had trouble trusting, you know, guys ever since….”

“Angel?”

“Yes. My judgment was so off on that…and people died. I just can’t risk that again. I think I’m supposed to just fight the fight and then move on, ‘cause I can’t seem to make it work with a regular guy and the supernatural ones are a big no-no!”

“Maybe you do need to forgive and risk the pain as she told you.”

“How so?”

“Well, you can forgive yourself for one thing. You made a wrong choice in Angel for many reasons, some not even involving his being a vampire. You can forgive him too, while you’re at it. You can’t move on while you are holding that burden. As for the risk of pain…well, honey, all of life is that! Pain is part of life. To not risk pain is to not live.”

“I guess I kinda get that.”

“As for love bringing you a gift--love IS a gift! It is one to treasure, even the loves that don’t work out. Sweetheart, relationships all require work. You know the old saying ‘men are from Mars and women from Venus’? It’s always true, even between regular old humans.”

Buffy cleared her throat and took the plunge. “I’ve been sorta drawn to Spike lately and before you say anything, I know in my head that is the road to major disaster!”

“How do you know what I’ll say?” Joyce laughed at Buffy’s expression. “Actually, I like Spike, always have. I wouldn’t have ever wanted him for you if I hadn’t had my eyes opened recently, but now they are wide open and I can see nothing but advantages for you if you let your heart lead you in that direction.” She reached over and put a gentle finger on Buffy’s jaw, closing her daughter’s mouth opened in an ‘O’ of shock. “I wasn’t going to nag you, but I suppose you’ve noticed my gentle pushes in his direction?”

Buffy blinked. So it hadn’t been her imagination, even though it seemed so unlikely. “But Mom, Spike is a vampire. I’ve been there and done that.”

“No, you haven’t. That is like saying that Riley was human, so all humans are off limits. You can say ‘been there and done that’ with humankind too. Angel and Spike are both vampires, yes, but that is about all they have in common, aside from their feelings for you, of course. Tell me, would you have trusted Angel, even with a chip, to care for Dawn if he had no soul?”

“Spike has done terrible things, Mom. You only see his good side.”

“Perhaps you need to forgive him as well?” Joyce shrugged. “He’s changing; you know that.”

“So how did you get all ‘Team Spike’ all of a sudden?”

“Looking death in the eye. I know you do it every day, honey, but I suffered from the same thing most humans do: the inability to recognize my mortality. This is going to sound like a lecture and I don’t mean it to.”

“Lecture away! I’m all College!Buffy, I can handle it.”

Joyce laughed. “Here goes: The hardest part of life is living. The day to day struggle of it all. Sometimes it’s unbearable. Trying to do it alone just makes it all the harder. Dying, giving up? That’s easy.”

“A death wish, you mean.” Buffy heard echoes of Spike’s lessons in her mother’s words.

“In a sense,” Joyce nodded. “You need someone, just as everyone else does. You cannot let your life become just fighting the fight. You do that and you’ll not make it to the end of college!” Joyce shuddered at the thought of losing Buffy. “You are more than the Slayer, Buffy; you are a young woman. A woman filled with love and in need of love.

“Do you think it’s easy for me? I have two girls to raise alone and, believe me, I’d give anything for someone else to share my life, my burdens. I fear losing you every night. I stay up waiting for the other shoe to fall, to get that call from Giles that you’ve died. You already did that once and I would never have known why or how it happened! Knowing isn’t better. It’s not easy being the Slayer’s mother.”

Buffy felt her eyes fill with tears. Her mom had put up with so much and been so good once she finally understood what Buffy’s life really was about. 

“I won’t lie to you, honey, there was a certain lure to just giving up when the doctors told me all the terrible things that could happen…beyond just dying from that brain tumor and the aftermath. I fought to live, I chose to live, just like I hope you do each day. I also chose to be practical and part of that has been to push you to see Spike as a possible partner, ally, maybe more. I want you to hedge your bets and give yourself the best possible change to survive, to keep on surviving.”

“But how? I keep messing up any love –life I’ve tried.”

Joyce did laugh then. “Honey, you’re young! You’re also not the first woman to have some false starts.”

“How’d you get so smart?”

“Well, I’m not going to say age! Not only am I not old, but wisdom doesn’t just come with years. Looking eternity in the face can smarten one up though. Knowing I might not be there to protect or guide you really made me think and look around. It became clear to me that if you are to have a chance to get to at least my age you will need assets. You have Giles and your friends and they’ve gotten you pretty far. It seems clear to me that Spike can get you the rest of the way. He’s your equal and he does love you.”

“Why Spike and not Angel?” It had always bothered Buffy that her mom had practically sent her first love away. No, that wasn’t fair; he didn’t need any help in hitting the road.

“Angel isn’t Spike. I still feel Angel was all wrong for you, and not the vampire part. The vampire part, if he loved you, could have helped. No, it was the man that was wrong…off somehow. His personality was too much like Hank, too controlling. I don’t believe he ever really saw you for the person you are, the woman you are becoming. Spike sees you. It was the man that wasn’t right for you.”

“Angel said that once, that it was the man and not the demon.”

Joyce raised her eyebrows at that. “Seems he was a bit more introspective than I ever gave him credit for being, I guess.”

They both laughed at that.

“But Spike has no soul. How can I take that chance?”

“Souls only do so much. Lots of people have souls and do terrible things, even more terrible than a vampire. You have to trust him, forgive him. Take each day at a time as you help him find his way.”

Buffy thought about the chip being removed and chafed at the idea of all that responsibility for keeping Spike in line being on her. “What if I’m not there?”

“You’re always there in his heart, honey. Make sure of that and he’ll come through; he has so far. He’s a smart man and will learn quickly.”

“Trust is so hard!”

“Like all relationships, you just take it one day at a time. There are never any guarantees. Just take one step toward each other--small steps are fine--but before you know it, those steps will be side-by-side and headed to the future you choose to make together. A long one, I hope.”

“There’d never be any fat grandbabies, you realize.”

“Fat grandbabies are highly overrated.”

~*~ 

Ben stormed out of the hospital, having picked up the last of his personal items from the doctors’ lounge locker room. His being fired was all Glory’s fault, one more sin among many. “I didn’t ask for any of this. I just want to be normal.”

A man appeared from the shadows. “We all play the hand we’re dealt.”

Ben narrowed his gaze and tried to place the older man. Finally, he remembered him as one of the Slayer’s friends. Her Watcher, he thought.

“Do you know why I wanted to become a doctor?” Ben didn’t wait for a reply. “To be close to people, to witness their lives and deaths. To be a part of everyday humanity.”

“We know about who you are, what you are.” Giles said softly. He was not immune to pity where the young man was concerned.

Ben was startled by that. He was pretty sure there was magic covering his identity. Somehow they had found a way around it. “I’ll keep her buried. Drugs will help. I’ll push her down deep.”

“You know that will never work. She’s a god; she’s what is real. Sooner or later, she will control the life-force and cease to be contained.” Giles approached relentlessly, driving Ben back toward the bushes. “She will never stop looking for her Key and another chance to use it to open the door home.”

“She gets the Key and I cease to exist,” Ben agreed. “I don’t want that either. Think I’m thrilled to look at the prospect of just blinking out? This is my life and I plan to keep it.”

Giles looked at him in speculation. “Could you do it? Take an innocent human life with your own hands?” He pictured Dawn in the desperate young man’s merciless hands and all pity for this vessel left him.

Ben stumbled a bit as his back met the hedge behind him. Startled, he didn’t feel the cool hands of the vampire as Spike grasped him by the head and gave his neck a powerful snap. 

Giles and Spike looked down at the body collapsed at their feet. The look of utter shock would likely haunt Giles in time, but there had been no choice, not really. Right now he was merely grateful that Spike was able to kill the man in spite of the chip. “Quite efficient,” he nodded at Spike.

“Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something,” Spike quoted softly, not taking his eyes from the corpse.

“Throreau. Appropriate.” Giles agreed. “I suppose we should take every precaution with the body. We cannot risk those minions finding a way to re-animate him and Glory along with him.”

Spike looked up at the Watcher. “Thinking a cremation maybe? I know a bloke who’ll turn a blind eye.”

“Yes, you would, wouldn’t you?” Giles grasped Ben’s feet as Spike lifted the man’s upper torso and they headed for the red BMW convertible. “I’m thinking that a drive into the desert to scatter the ashes would also be in order.”

“Leave nothing of that bitch for anyone to reassemble, yeah?”

“Precisely.”

~*~ 

To say the gang was relieved to know all the danger had passed would be an understatement. 

Joyce would sleep soundly for the first time in months, knowing her babies were both safe--at least for now. She was heartened to notice Buffy’s rather pointed looks at Spike earlier too. Maybe all those pushes were finally going to pay off and there would be many a restful sleep to come.

Buffy frosted the ‘Welcome Home’ cake her mother had insisted on baking as they awaited the return of the teen-aged menace also known as Dawn Summers. The whole gang was there to celebrate the end of the threat to the former Key and the end of a hellgod on a mission of world end-age.

Angel was bringing Dawn home and she was babbling about some big adventure that she couldn’t wait to tell them all about. She had also begged Buffy to go over to Janice’s house and borrow her karaoke machine for some reason.

Buffy heard the car pull up just as Spike joined them in the kitchen and offered to help. 

“They’re here!” Willow opened the door and started giggling at the sight of Dawn arm in arm with some green demon with red horns, both singing with good cheer. __

_“It's not that easy being green  
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves  
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold  
Or something much more colorful like that_

_It's not easy being green  
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things  
And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're  
Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water  
Or stars in the sky_

_But green's the color of Spring  
And green can be cool and friendly-like  
And green can be big like an ocean, or important  
Like a mountain, or tall like a tree_

_When green is all there is to be  
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why  
Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful  
And I think it's what I want to be.” _

The giddy pair skipped up the stairs and joined Willow’s mirth. “You must be the powerful witch. My name’s Lorne and I’m going to miss my little green friend here.” He squeezed Dawn tightly with much affection. 

He turned to Dawn and smiled at her warmly, “You have a lovely long life ahead of you. I see you really achieving more than you can imagine and saving the world yourself in your own unique way. You’ve many gifts yet to discover, little Miss Green Ball of Energy!”

Dawn blushed and explained, “Lorne is an empath. He reads people and demons when they sing for him. That’s why I wanted the karaoke machine.” She saw the group blanch at the idea. “It’s fun,” she insisted. “Besides, we won’t have to listen to Angel sing; he’s already been read.”

Angel scowled at them and muttered, “There’s nothing wrong with Barry Manilow. He had lots of gold records.”

“So do the Backstreet Boys, but that doesn’t make it worth a listen,” Spike noted.

Buffy suppressed a giggle at the growl Angel directed at Spike.

She welcomed the odd demon into her house, trusting that he was safe based on Angel and Dawn’s clear acceptance of him. “I hope you aren’t wanting me to sing into that thing!” She pointed to the microphone attached to the karaoke box in the living room.

“Yup!” Dawn popped the last consonant just like her big sister often did.

“MOM!” Dawn threw herself into her mother’s arms and hugged the stuffing out of her. 

“Careful, Dawn!” Buffy warned.

“It’s fine, I’m fine. I have my girls and I’m just perfect.”

Dawn launched into a story about some dimension called Pylea and how people were kept in barns and called cows. She made everyone laugh at the way Angel enjoyed the sunlight that didn’t burn him and drew sympathy for Lorne with the story of his beheading.

“So cutting your head off doesn’t do the job, eh?” Spike was fascinated. A good beheading usually always did the trick.

“Luckily for me, no.” Lorne would have been unnerved by the question, but having gotten a glimpse of this particular vampire while reading Dawn, he knew he had nothing to fear from him.

“I can SO see Cordy eating up being a princess!” Buffy’s assessment inspired a nod from Willow. “She was born for that role. I’m surprised she let you bring her back from there.”

“There was the Groosalugg, don’t forget! He was really hot too,” Dawn reminded her audience about the warrior she had already mentioned.

“I think Dawnie has replaced you as her crush, Xander,” Anya teased. 

“What kind of a name is Groosalugg?” Xander grimaced.

Dawn grabbed the song list and look around the room hopefully. “So who’s ready to sing for Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok clan?” 

“I don’t suppose there’s any way you’re gonna let this all just slide, is there, Bit?” Spike grumbled.

“Not a way in the world.” Dawn smirked like a professional. “In fact, I completely insist you and Buffy sing. I even made sure there’s some punk junk in there.”

“Fine, but no bloody microphone.” Spike grabbed the list from her hand and began to sort through the choices. “Let’s get it over with then.” He gave a leer at Buffy, then began,  
 _  
“Mommy's little monster dropped out of school  
Mommy's little monster broke all the rules  
He loves to go out drinking with the boys  
He loves to go out and make some noise  
He doesn't wanna be a doctor  
Or a lawyer getting fat and rich”_

Angel rolled his eyes and plugged his ears, but everyone else laughed along with Buffy. Since when had Spike become part of the group anyway? Angel would have to have a word with Buffy before he left.

Buffy chose “I Want It That Way” by the Backstreet Boys and stuck her tongue out at Spike as she announced her selection. He felt his blood heat as she looked at him when she sang the words, “the one I desire”. Could he really hope it was more than a bit of play on her part?

Everyone else had a turn. Lots of show tunes from the Scoobies with only Giles taking a turn at classic rock with a killer version of “White Room” that even Ginger Baker and Eric Clapton would have approved. 

“Well done, old man,” Spike offered sincerely.

Lorne was having a fine time. So many paths this group would travel and travel together. 

He looked from Buffy to Spike and grinned widely. “Well, don’t you two just take the cake! Bet you set the Powers on their ear.”

“What’s that mean?” Angel demanded.

Lorne read the petulance and jealousy in his friend’s tone of voice and decided to downplay some of his reading. They’d do fine without knowing what lay ahead anyway. “Just that I’ve got a feeling that we all dodged quite a bullet somehow. Seems things could have taken a very bad turn without some outside influence.” He smiled softly at Buffy. “The Powers really like you two.” He patted her hand. “Just enjoy each other,” he whispered.

“Buffy, can I see you for a minute?” Angel glowered at his friend and took Buffy’s hand from Lorne’s, leading her into the dining room.

“Buffy, about Spike…I know I’m in LA and you have a handle on things here, but you can’t let yourself forget for a minute that he’s evil. Without that chip, one of us would have to stake him--who am I kidding, even with the chip one of us might have to. He has no soul.”

Buffy sighed deeply. She had a feeling this was coming. No way would she let Angel know the chip was in the past. That would be worse than telling the Scoobs or Giles.

“No soul, no nasty surprises,” Buffy threw back at her former lover. 

Angel was going on, “I know him, have known him for a century--”

“How much of that century have you really known him, Angel? You left when you got your soul, didn’t you? I’ve been around him for several years now. I know who Spike is right now in 2001; you don’t.”

“Still, Buffy, without a soul he’ll never be worthy to even be called your friend.”

Spike had followed. How could he not? Seeing Buffy and Angel hand in hand leaving the room had been impossible to ignore.

“Ahem,” he cleared his throat loudly. Spike looked directly at Buffy, completely focusing on her to the exclusion of Angel. “I’ll get a soul if you need it to feel safe with me around. Do whatever you want or need me to do to be with you. This wanker didn’t even try to find a way to sew his soul to his foot like Peter Pan did his shadow. Lots of magic out there to make it permanent.”

Angel seethed. “So you’re what? Offering to kill someone so you’ll get cursed too? That’ll make Buffy happy. You just proved my point.” 

Spike turned his gaze on Angel at last and scorched him with the fury etched there. “No, you great git! Read about this demon someplace in Africa when I was researchin’ the Gem of Amara. Figure a bloke could ask for his soul instead of some cheap jewelry once he’d passed the tests. No gypsy curse for me, or some fly-by-night easy-come, easy-go soul.”

Buffy was stunned. Had Spike just offered to go and actually seek his soul just to please her? Just to reassure her of his trustworthiness? What kind of demon did that? His kind, she supposed. “No, Spike, you don’t need to do that. I already trust you. If you ever just want your soul back, or if things get too hard…maybe later, we’ll see. If you ever do it, though, it will be because you want it for yourself. I’m fine with you as you are. I hope you know that.”

“You’re both crazy!” Angel stalked out of the room fuming. This was bound to lead to disaster. Well, Buffy could never say he hadn’t warned her.

The party broke up soon after all the fireworks. Giles kept staring at Spike in speculation, having overheard, as had everyone else, his incredible offer. Spike dreaded the questions the wanker was bound to have eventually.

“So, cupcake, keep in touch. You have my number.” Lorne hugged Dawn again then turned to join Angel in the already running car. 

Tara and Willow were both still talking about Lorne’s delightful prediction that, with proper training, they would become a powerful force for good with years of love and laughter in their future. They waved good-bye and promised to come for a visit one day. “Might pass on Angel, though, he’s a bit…um…dour,” suggested Tara. 

“That’s our Angel,” Willow agreed. “Not much with the party spirit.”

“Most of the party was fun anyway,” Anya licked a bit of icing from her finger. “The cake was especially good.”

“All cake is good,” Xander agreed. 

“I’d better get Xander home or he’ll eat what’s left.”

 

~*~

They stood side by side on the back porch. It felt natural to her having him there.

“That was some offer you made there,” Buffy ventured.

“Meant it. I know you’ve kept it a secret about the chip and I also know why. Don’t want you worried about me too. If a soul will make it easier on you, why shouldn’t I just fix the problem?”

Buffy had no words. That was Spike, wasn’t it? Whatever it took to please the one he loved was okay with him. He would become what was needed, do what he had to do to give his woman what she wanted and needed. He didn’t even think twice! He didn’t demand any changes from her. Accepted the whole Buffy package. He didn’t leave either. 

Spike was looking up at the endless stars in the cloudless sky as Buffy shuffled her feet a bit in nervousness. Without looking at Spike, she broke the companionable silence. “So…how do you feel about walking?”

“Walkin’?”

“Yeah, you know taking steps, one foot in front of the other, that kind of thing.”

Spike thought back to his endless days in the wheelchair not all that long ago. “I’m for it. Good to be mobile.”

Buffy grinned. “Me too. Wanna give walkin’ together a try?”

Spike was baffled. “How about givin’ a poor sod a clue, pet?”

“Mom pointed out that life is easier and better…not to mention longer…when you have someone to walk through it with. I was wondering if you’d be interested.”

Spike was gobsmacked. “Buffy, I’ll walk with you, run with you--hell, I’ll carry you if you want--as long as I’m with you.”

“Small, slow steps, Spike. I want to get this one right.”

Spike took her hand and felt as if his heart would burst from his chest. Gently, he uncurled her fingers, placing a soft, reverent kiss on her palm as their eyes met and held. “Slow and steady it is then. Lead on, Buffy.”

 

~fin


End file.
